(Closed) Another +1 question…

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Hello there, welcome 🙂

Typically you have the invitation addressed to all the attendees. So as there is no confusion as to who is invited. Then for RSVP cards you can get really fancy and write each name individually, or say 3 seats are requested in your honor. If they ask your mom has to stick to her guns and say no. But this is all so far out, you don’t even need to have invitations sent until June for a September wedding.

Post # 3
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Boyfriends and girlfriends , of any length of time, are not plus ones they are significant others you have chosen not to invite. Which is quite rude.

So if people call, giving you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you not inviting thier significant other was just a mistake, then you can suck it up and acknowledge that yup you are that rude and determined that thier relationship wasn’t valid enough for an invite.

Post # 4
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Just address invites to those who are invited. It’s really as simple as that. 

That being said, plus ones are not the same as significant others. Everyone with a significant other should be considered a social unit and invited together. Don’t ask people to celebrate your relationship if you are going to disregard theirs. I recommend you budget for the worst case scenario of everyone having a “date”. Once it comes time to actually invite people, some people will likely still be single and that’ll give you some xtra wiggle room in your budget.

It’s dangerous to assume this far in advance who will and who won’t be in a relationship. Cousin Mary might have had two dates with a guy over the holidays but they might fall quickly and be engaged by May. 

Post # 5
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

If this is how you choose to go about it then address each invitation by specific name(s) so there’s no confusion. Personally, I find this exclusion rather crummy and rude. Because a relationship doesn’t fall into a standard you’ve decided to set or someones chosen to keep a separate residence their relationship isn’t valid enough for a partner to attend and they get to come to a wedding alone? Not cool. But to each their own. 

Post # 8
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
newenglandbrideincali :  You’ve got to draw a line somewhere.  Maybe it’s a regional thing because there’s lots on here about only having a cake reception  uy you have to invite everyone and their partners etc. 

Personally, if they’re living at home then  I’d invite cousins as part of the family unit. (But be prepared for some people saying everyone over 18 should be given a separate invite.)

We had somebody who I’ve never met in DH family who we invited when we did the guest list. We just explained that we did guest list their other half wasn’t on. No drama. We only heard snippets of their relationship status because they don’t speak to us. 

I always find it ridiculous that people have to feel they should sacrifice friends they know and love to have family and their SOs who they rarely see. And as weddingbee will tell you, you can’t not invite some cousins or discriminate between family you see vs don’t. 

Post # 9
Member
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Following because I’m stressed about having a million cousins as well lol. I’m just hoping the young ones are single when the wedding comes around lol

Post # 10
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

View original reply
newenglandbrideincali :  I see. Based on your first paragraph I thought you knew everyone attending that had a significant other etc., But it looks like you’re inviting cousins you don’t really know that well or interact with much. In this case I’m totally clueless and wish you luck. We couldn’t see ourselves inviting people simply bc their family and truthfully I don’t think the estranged family would want to come. An invite reaction from some of them would be more like, “Cousin who is getting married?” 🙂 Good luck and wish you the best. I’m sure you’ll get some great advice here and everything will work out ok. 

Post # 11
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Just invite whoever you want! We had a small wedding just 50 day guests and 85 evening we only invited our family members other halves not friends and nobody was offended at all! and we said their partners were more than welcome to come to the evening do but for the dinner we had strict numbers because it was a sit down 3 course meal and the venue could only fit 50 guests seated. I don’t think people will be offended if you explain properly that you don’t have an unlimited budget to be able to invite everyone’s partners especially ones you haven’t even met. Good luck. 

Post # 12
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
newenglandbrideincali :  you will have to take under consideration that some of those couples could become engaged or move in with one another before your wedding since it is still 6 months away. I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding where it was mostly family and only married couples were extended a plus one and 0 people danced. Who are you going to dance with? Your cousin? Just something to keep in mind.

I wasn’t given a plus one because I wasn’t married (though I was in a relationship) and I was also on my parent’s invitation when I was 23 and had just graduated college. I was VERY offended and felt it was super rude. I was an adult and felt I should have been treated as one. There’s also a lot of people out there who have been together for YEARS but don’t live together and aren’t engaged. 

We are giving everyone who has graduated high school their own invitation (even if they live at home) and have asked their parents if they have a SO and if it’s okay to invite them. My Fiance has around 50 first cousins and I have 12 most of whom are married with their own kids. Our family tally alone (first cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents) is 208. We’re sucking it up and came up with a cheaper option for food so we didn’t have to exclude anyone. 

Post # 14
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
newenglandbrideincali :  yes, theoretically all 50 of them could be in a relationship by the time your invitations go out. It’s unlikely, so just consider any single people to be extra budget in your pocket. 

As for how you know? Call them up. Message them on fb. Ask them. How are you getting their mailing addresses? You’ll need to contact them anyways for that. You don’t need to actually invite them and their SOs until you send the invitations out. So if someone is in a off and on relationship right now, you can wait until you send the invitations to see if they’ve actually broken up. 

Post # 15
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I like this thread because I had a question related to this.

I expect people to bring their significant others. However, I have people who want to bring a “date” just for the sake of being accompanied. Sorry, I don’t really want to pay 150$ a head for them to have a date and not feel lonely. 

How do I go about making people understand that my wedding is not PROM?

The topic ‘Another +1 question…’ is closed to new replies.

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