(Closed) Another Bachelor Party Post

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

uhh

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SuzieQ112:  That just broke my heart reading this. You seem like such a devoted and understanding wife which is why my heart is breaking for you that your husband would betray your trust.

It seems you’ve made the right decision in seeking help. But I hate that it doesn’t seem to be helping. Only you know if you will be able to trust him again and if you are going to trust his “final” story.

As heartbreaking as it is, I don’t know that this is something I could get past. Trust and communication is of the most importance. But if you do decide to forgive him and trust him whole heartedly, then you have to let this go, move on and not keep rehashing it.

I am so sorry you are going through this, you don’t deserve it. And his behavior, and withholding of the story is completely unacceptable. I will never understand the guys that think a bachelor party is a means to disrespecct marriage or is their “last night as a free man” Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the point of these parties to CELEBRATE you getting married? Ugh!

Post # 6
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@SuzieQ112:  Well he betrayed your trust in two ways: 1. doing what he knew you weren’t comfortable with and 2. lying about it…so he’s going to have to work overtime to gain the trust back again. He should know in the future that it’s always best to just give the full story from the start, even if it’s embarrassing or ugly. Otherwise you guys could keep repeating this same vicious cycle.

One thing I’ve learned in premarital counseling is when it comes to issues you have to ask yourself “Is this the hill I’m willing to die on?” Or in other words, is this situation heavy enough to end this marriage? If it is, then you know what you have to do. But it doesn’t seem like that’s the direction your post was heading in. In that case you have to forgive him for betraying your trust and stop reliving it. And he’s got work to do as well. It’s a team effort.

Post # 7
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SuzieQ112:   I think you would be wise not to believe him.  He blew it, big time.  In your position I’d be trying to find out what else he’d been lying to me about all these years because I’d bet money he didn’t just start this behavior.  He’s been good at hiding it, though, obviously, since you thought he was a good man.  Good men do not do things like that.  He’s not who you thought he was.

Your husband has badly damaged your trust.  I have no words, this is sickening.  I am so very sorry for you.

Post # 8
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@SuzieQ112:  I’m firmly in the camp that bachelor parties are stupid. It is not your last day being single, as you are not single. In fact, you are just about to commit your life to a woman you’re supposed to love, which makes you as far from single as you can possibly be.

I think this behaviour is disgusting and qualifies as cheating. What is the difference between a man paying a woman to grind on his penis while he touches her, and a woman hooking up with a guy and doing the same thing for free? That’s what I said to my ex when he suggested going to a strip club – I said sure, and I will go out and do the same damn thing except I won’t have to pay.

I would not be with someone who would disrespect me in this way, or use our hard earned money on sex workers. I feel awful for you that this has happened, and I am outraged on your behalf. These are grown men, not 19 year old boys who haven’t learned to control their penises and urges. Give me a break that they could have possibly thought this was acceptable.

I can’t tell you to leave him, because that is a personal decision and only you know all the facts and just how deeply your trust has been damaged/shaken. If there is one thing every woman should demand from her partner it is respect and this behaviour in no way respects you, your union, or as far as I’m concerned, himself.

*end rant*

Post # 10
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SuzieQ112:  One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard in my life, for anything, was this:  Never make a life-changing decision when you’re in the middle of emotional turmoil.

Right now you’re in shock.  You’ve been betrayed.  You don’t have to do anything.  All you have to do, really, is breathe.  And take care of yourself and your life.  Do the things you usually do, if you work go to work.  Stick to your routine.  Eat properly, get enough sleep.  It sounds trite but you need to comfort yourself right now.  You have been dealt a horrible blow, emotionally speaking.  Don’t let those feelings go underground or deny them.  But don’t let the grief overtake you so much that you can’t function.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Trust yourself, God, life, the Universe or whatever you believe in to guide you right now.  Trust that you will know the right thing at the right time.  You didn’t do anything to deserve this.  And you’re right, he is human and he made a huge mistake.  Sooner or later you will need to forgive him – not for his sake, but for your own.  If your marriage will survive this or not, only time will tell.

Just breathe and it will be ok.

Post # 11
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SuzieQ112:   And – I really wish I could hug you.  I know how you’re feeling right now.  You’re overwhelmed.  Sending some good and loving healing vibes your way.

Post # 13
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand how women are shocked when this kind of stuff happens…You don’t care if your husband goes to a strip club but you expect him to not be tempted to do crap? My mind is blown by this kind of stuff. A guy is a guy. He see it, he wants it. Why allow it to be shoved in his face?

 

Post # 14
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Good men make mistakes.  People act out of character.  The counseling may not feel like it’s helping, but it will.  I hope you do not give up on your relationship yet.

If rehashing it makes you feel better, do it.  And it is his job to reassure you.  But if reshashing it makes you feel upset every time, I would distract yourself by thinking about something else.   Keep going to the therapy.  Doing one f*cked up thing does not change that this is the man you loved & married.  Don’t doubt your ability to judge people’s character. 

Post # 15
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsTVLover:  Such a good point!  Well said.

I’m so angry at him for her, lol.  

You’re right, good people make mistakes and maybe he was caught up in the moment at the party. 

But, still, that doesn’t explain why he kept up the lying; he could have come completely clean on everything that night.  He’s been dragging his lies out for weeks, she keeps discovering new things. She didn’t even know he had been going to strip clubs without her knowledge prior to the party.  Ugh.  It makes me afraid of what else he might be hiding/lying about.  She deserves to know the entire truth.  He’s her husband.

Trust is extremely difficult to regain once it’s been broken.  Not impossible, but difficult.

Post # 16
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BoxerLady:  I’m firmly in the camp that bachelor parties are stupid. It is not your last day being single, as you are not single. In fact, you are just about to commit your life to a woman you’re supposed to love, which makes you as far from single as you can possibly be
.

THIS. I’m cool with the kinda bachelor/ette parties that involve some light bar-hopping, shows, paintballing, whatever… but WHY is it cool to grab half or completely naked people IF THAT ISN’T THE NORM IN YOUR EVERY DAY RELATIONSHIP? Hubby and I would NEVER be cool with something like this. Neither of us. So no strippers.

Every relationship is different, though, and I respect that. OP, I’m so sorry you’re having to drag info out of your husband. That isn’t right or fair. I don’t have much advice for this situation, other than to keep your wits about you, collect your information, and do what you feel is right.

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