(Closed) Another Bachelor Party Post

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you may be my twin, we are the same age, same relationship length and I also am ok with strip clubs but no lap dances and certainly no escorts in hotels rooms. All I can say is I feel your pain. I would feel the same way. I think your feelings are justified 100%. I think you guys can get through this but your husband needs to be more upfront and honest with you. Also, he needs to realize what a marriage is about, it kind of seams like he doesn’t take it too seriously based on him trying to get his friend to cheat. Good luck, hopefully your DH comes around and realizes his actions were wrong without you having to beat it into his head 😉

Post # 20
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  I am firmly of the opinion that strip clubs are at best, unnecessary and at worst, cheating.  I think going to another woman for any kind of sexual pleasure, temptation included, is cheating.  I think that kind of bachelor party is disrespectful to both the bride-to-be and the relationship, and is just ASKING for something more to happen.

Now, off my soapbox and on to your particular case.  Okay, he went to a strip club, got a lap dance, hired an escort, etc.  He KNEW you weren’t okay with that kind of stuff and he did it anyway.  That’s a slap in the face in my opinion.  And then he LIES about it?! AND he’s lied to you about this kind of behavior before?!  I’m sorry, but that kind of behavior means, in my opinion, that he simply doesn’t respect you or your feelings.  I can understand and maybe forgive a stupid mistake like getting a lap dance.  Maybe. And only if he came completely clean at the get-go.  But hiring an escort?  I don’t know.  Especially considering his conversation with her.  I think that more went on than he’s telling you.  And the fact that he lied about everything positively INFURIATES me.  I can’t stand people who lie.  

I’m going to try to moderate my response because my initial reaction is very strongly negative when lying is involved.  So, my response is, think really hard about what he’s done.  If you think that he won’t do something like this again and you can forgive what he’s already done, then take steps to forgive him and try to move on.  But if you think that this will happen again or if you don’t think you can build that trust back or fogive him for this, then you need to leave.  It will hurt both of you more in the long run if you keep the relationship going without moving toward forgiveness.

One thing, though?  That “friend” of his sounds like trouble.  IF you choose to stay with your husband, that friend of his should be kicked to the curb.

Post # 21
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

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@lanalnoco:  Exactly 🙂 If Fiance wanted to go out for dinner with his friends or something low key (that we do on a regular basis anyway), then fine. However, his friends would never plan a bachelor party that doesn’t involve naked women, so he has told them he won’t be attending. He said they can go on their own if they wish, lol.

Post # 23
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO attended an out of state bachelor party last year. They went to a casino and bar hopped for a bit. Then the groom took off with one of his groomsmen. SO didn’t know where he went and he and the other groomsmen were pissed. They found out the next day that the groom and his friend had gone to a strip club and took a couple strippers back to the hotel and stayed the night with them. Charming. My point is, i don’t agree with strip clubs, strippers, or men interacting with any woman in a sexual way, whether that’s her job or not. It’s not PC to say, but I generally don’t trust strippers since I have heard of so many of them doing more than just stripping. Oh, and the men almost always get to touch them. They don’t sit on their hands while this woman grinds in their lap. That’s the version you see in R rated movies. The reality is way worse than that. If my SO wants to engage in that sort of behavior, then he can go be single or start dating some stripper, but he won’t have me.

If I were you, I wouldn’t be able to get past this. If my SO hunted down escorts to invite them to a hotel room, I wouldn’t be able to trust him again, especially since that would be so unexpected. It makes you wonder who he really is. It seems he shows the side he wants people to know about and hides who he really is.

Post # 24
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@SuzieQ112:  Wow! I would be upset if I were you too. At least you gave him time to expain but it seems that his explantation was all over the place.  That usually happens in a lie.  I would be completely hurt.  I feel like if he did nothing wrong he would be completely upfront about what happened.  My fiance came home from his bachelor party yesterday and told me everything.  I wanted him to go out and enjoy his night I didnt care what they did.  But it makes me happy that he came home and literally spend 30 mins telling me every detail of every hour! It is good that you are seeking help, hopefully soon you will be able to reconsile this but it seems that you are 100% correct in your feelings and actions and he is hiding something.  Maybe he was pressured into calling the prostitute or he thought you would get upset about something so he wanted to keep it from you.  When in all actuality he just needed to tell you the truth. 

Post # 26
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@SuzieQ112:  If a lie detector test would make you feel better, it may be worth it. At the end of the day you need to learn to trust him again or leave. For the record, I would be heartbroken in this situation. However, a lie detector test will just be prolonging the situation instead of putting an end to it.

Post # 27
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@sheep:  I don’t understand how women are shocked when this kind of stuff happens…You don’t care if your husband goes to a strip club but you expect him to not be tempted to do crap? My mind is blown by this kind of stuff. A guy is a guy. He see it, he wants it. Why allow it to be shoved in his face?

This sounds a little harsh. It sounds like you’re blaming the OP for not controlling her DH’s every move. No one deserves to be lied to or cheated on. 

Post # 28
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@AlwaysSunny:  I never said she deserved it. That’s ridiculous. You know exactly what I’m saying. 

Post # 29
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@SuzieQ112:   Would he agree to a lie detector test?  I’m not even sure how you go about arranging such a thing. 

At the very least, though, I hope you get some counseling to help you  heal from this.  I would be devastated.  I’m so very sorry for you!

Post # 30
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@sheep:   I think I understand what you’re saying – that she was ok with strip clubs in the first place, but it backfired on her.  And I agree.  I’m not at all ok with strip clubs and thankfully neither is my husband.  Your point was “why go there” in the first place, am I right?  Don’t play with fire.

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