Post # 1
I’m a somewhat regular poster on here, going anon.
I’m getting married VERY SOON and I am really upset right now. Going to try to make this as short as possible:
Fi and I have had a difficult relationship with his parents throughout the last few months. They have shown no interest in helping plan the wedding, and have made basically no effort to see us or talk to us. Because of that, I haven’t really made much effort to see or talk to them, but have never discouraged Fi from seeing them. Well Fi was on his way home from work today, and was on the phone with him. He specifically said he was JUST LEAVING WORK. So we get off, and his dad calls me. He said “Fi’s name here” just left, and I wanted to tell you… blah blah blah.” What he said doesn’t matter, the point was, he said Fi just left his house. They apparently sat and talked. So I called Fi back and said “So, are you coming from work?” and he says yes. And I said “You’re coming straight from work?” and he says yes again. And I said “What time did you get off?” and he said 4, which was just like 15 minutes ago. Well then I confronted him about what his dad told me, and he said “Oh, I went there for lunch.” And I said “Um, no you didn’t. Your dad said you literally JUST LEFT.” Then he finally tells the truth.
What do I do? WTF is the lying for? I don’t limit him from seeing his family…. Should I cancel the wedding? I can’t marry a liar…
Post # 3
Uh, please don’t cancel your wedding because of this. I’m sorry that he lied but I’m sure there is a good reason. Not that lying is okay but relax for a second. Talk to him about why he lied and what’s going on. It’s not like you caught him with another woman…he went to see his dad. The best thing you can do right now is figure out why he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth.
Post # 4
@anonabride: I think that it’s a big jump to cancel the wedding. I would be more concerned about why he felt the need to lie. Have a frank talk with him about why lies (even little ones) are not OK, but don’t jump to cancelling the wedding so quick. What if he was trying to plan a surprise for you?
Post # 5
@anonabride: While this does sound pretty awful I personally would not be considering cancelling the wedding. Obviously you know the situation better than I do, but unless he is consistently lying to you about things, this just sounds like something he was keeping from you as to not stress you out.
Also, are you sure he didn’t go there for lunch and his dad is trying to cause trouble? I have had similar issues with my FIs dad (who can’t stand me), he is constantly trying to meddle and cause issues with us.
Edit: Just realised that you said he did tell the truth about not being there for lunch.
Post # 6
@anonabride: Cancel the wedding? Seriously? That’s kind of jumping the gun.
I understand your panic right now, but there has to be some sort of logical explanation.
I would calmly talk to your Fiance about this and see what he says.
Post # 7
@anonabride: Even though you don’t ever limit him from seeing his family, if you are resentful of them in any way I would bet your fiance can sense that. He probably didn’t want to get into a conversation about visiting his family and have to feel guilty about visiting them. Not that it is ever ok to lie, but I don’t think it’s something to cancel a wedding over.
Post # 8
@anonabride: Maybe he feels like you would be upset if you found out he was over there, maybe they asked him not to tell you, trying to keep everything calm and drama free. Their disinterest in the wedding and your lack as a couple to see them might be causing a lot of stress for all of them…it’s not anyone’s fault and as far as lie’s go…this one is fairly benign…he might have been planning a surprise with them, he might have been working on the rehearsal dinner…there could be a lot of stuff…so please don’t turn into Chicken Little over this because the sky is not falling.
Post # 9
Find out WHY he was feeling like he couldn’t tell you he spent time with his family. Maybe he secretly feels like you have some anger towards his family so to keep the peace he lied.
Dont overreact, just talk.
Post # 10
I think you’re overreacting. He’s just trying not to hurt you or get into an argument because he visits his dad. No big deal. Just talk to him and let him know it’s okay. For some reason he doesn’t feel like you are, or else he would’ve had lied.
Post # 11
Cancelling the wedding b/c he lied about see his parents (who you dislike) seems like overkill. I’m sure he just wanted to see his parents, but didn’t want to deal with it upsetting you (or you potentially grilling him about everything they discussed).
Just sit down and calmly talk about it with him. And don’t threaten to cancel the wedding when you talk about it b/c that is crazy talk.
Post # 12
@anonabride: Your overreacting. He’s probably nervous to tell you because he thinks you don’t care for his parents. Tell him “You don’t have to lie hun, it’s totally okay to go see your parents.”
Post # 13
ask him the REAL reason why he lied.
Post # 16
Please do not cancel your wedding. I agree with PPs, you’re definitely overreacting. Honestly, if you’re thinking of canceling the wedding over a stupid lie about visiting his dad, imagine how you’ll react when things really are difficult!! Yes, you do need to explain to Fiance that lying is unacceptable and I think you absolutely deserve an explanation for his ridiculous lie. You also have every right to be fuming mad and give him a hard time today/tonight. But in this situation, you should work on your relationship, not abandon it. TALK TO HIM!!! Find out why. I’ve said it before, reactions like this make me feel like this is the reason divorce rates are so high!! People think the answer is to walk the instant clouds appear on the horizon!