Post # 1
After the success of my first post and getting some great feedback and advice I have decided to make a second one. We are newly engaged but have been planning for a couple of months. We have our venue down to 2 options and most other details already picked out. We would like a black tie wedding. I have read a lot as to what is expected at a black tie event. I am going to outline an overview of our event and I would love feedback on if we can have it as black tie with out question (not looking to have optional or preferred, simply “black tie”. Thank you all in advance.
Venue: 5 star hotel in NYC (Central Park South or Upper East Side)
Date: Winter 2017 – Friday or Saturday – Cermony starts at 6pm
Cermony: Will take place at our venue, not a church
Guest Count: 60-100 depending on which venue
Cocktail Hour: Yes, stations and passed, premium open bar
Reception: 3-4 course dinner, table side ordering, premium open bar continued
Music: Live 5-8 piece band
Extras: Bother venues other coat check, valet parking, and restroom attendants which we will cover
Our concern is the lower guest count mainly. I have read that it should traditionally be over 100. Also, if we are missing any details that would be expected at a true black tie wedding please let me know.
Post # 2
If you want a black tie wedding with 60, do it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
It doesn’t have to be “worthy” of Black Tie. If you want Black Tie, have black tie. I was invited to a black tie event that they’re only expecting like 70 people at at the moment.
However, what you’ve outlined above sounds delightful. I’m not sure you need coat check at a Wedding though. I’ve never heard or seen that before. I take a wrap and drape it over the back of my chair.
Post # 4
Thank you. We are offering it due to the climate. Our event will most likely be in Nov so we could be looking at cold temps.
Post # 5
All of this black tie nonsense is exactly that– nonsense. If you want to write black tie on there, go for it. It sounds like you’re having a fancy wedding, and to me fancy = black tie is fine. No one is going to be sitting at your reception looking down their opera glasses at you saying “Well, there are only 50 people here so it can’t really be black tie, how rude of them to put that on the invitation!” Most people who aren’t planning weddings themselves don’t even know what black tie “truly” means nowadays.
Post # 6
Sounds like it will be a lovely event!
This may be something that is already included but just not mentioned, but will there also be drink service at the tables and a waiter-passed champagne toast? Those were items that I needed to explicitly add to my dinner service.
Post # 7
This has all the trappings of black tie, especially since it’s in NYC, where people expect to attend black tie weddings. I wouldn’t worry one bit about the guest count. We ended up with 100 RSVPs, but we only expected 60, and we still would’ve had black tie – though we ended up caving and putting “black tie optional” so as to give worried family members an out.
Post # 8
Awesome advice. I think that sounds like a nice touch and will discuss it with the event manager and confirm its included.
Post # 9
Yup, I’d say that was a black tie event! Sounds lovely.
Post # 10
is that not standard? I thought it was.
it sounds as though it meets the ‘criteria’ for black tie; I wouldn’t worry too much about the guest count, personally.
Post # 11
I thought it was standard too, but I had to ask my hotel venue to include it for an added fee. I learned from the wedding planning process to make sure to ask everything and not assume anything! I was just happy they didn’t charge me a cake cutting fee like some other venues do.
Post # 12
Sounds like a lovely event and very black-tie-worthy!
Post # 13
I wish some bees would not comment on etiquette threads if they don’t know proper etiquette. Black tie events DO need to be considered ‘worthy’ of black tie. A black tie event requires a tuxedo and a gown – not your everyday suit and cocktail dress. If someone is spending $300 to come to your wedding, then yes it should be ‘worthy’ of that cost. There is no nonsense with black tie except the nonsense that fussy people create when they are hosting an average event but want people dressed to the 9s. Same way CFBC threads get inundated with parents posting. Frustrating for people who want ACTUAL etiquette answers.
OP – Your event sounds lovely and sounds black tie. I agree with PP about passed drinks rather than solely a bartender. Coat check in winter is a wonderful addition.
Post # 14
Thank you. I have an email to the venue to confirm on passed drinks. I agree it is a nice touch.
Post # 15
We’re not doing full drink service at the tables, as that would be too difficult logistically. But we are doing waiter-poured wine pairings with each course. I think it’s elegant and avoids the craziness of people giving drink orders while the staff are serving the courses. Might be something for you to consider.