- 5 years ago
Hi. I’m a very long time lurker and was hoping to join soon since my boyfriend’s family and mine are in serious talks about us getting married sometime next year (We’re from a different culture, so he will most likely only propose after a wedding date has been set). I would just like some advice because I’m so damn unsure what to do. I’ve been reading the post about the guy who said his fiancée wasn’t attractive while he was drunk and the replies … my situation is (kind of?) similar to that. I guess that post triggered me into writing here.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. He’s been a really sweet, gentle, funny guy. He’s never said anything to belittle me, nothing insulting, etc… I love him and he loves me too. We’d been getting along wonderfully until a few weeks ago.
Basically what happened is that he and a guy friend were talking and somehow the subject turned to their mutual guy friend (A). A recently started dating a really beautiful girl and my boyfriend started talking about how lucky and blessed A was for snagging such a beautiful girl to call his own. His other friend was talking about it too, but my boyfriend was going on and on about it. How A must have saved the universe or something in a past life and this was the universe’s way of rewarding him (this is just a figure of speech in our culture, he doesn’t necessarily believe in reincarnation but you can understand the magnitude of what having a beautiful girlfriend means to him).
Understandably, I was mad (more hurt than mad at that point though) and when we were alone later on, I brought the issue up. How he had really hurt my feelings and it was insensitive. I asked him if he was unhappy being with me, or the way I looked. I told him that his comments made me feel like he was settling for second best.
He said he was sorry but that I shouldn’t be offended and that he wasn’t unhappy with me. It was just the principle of the thing for men to be more drawn to attractive women. OK, I guess I get that. But then he oh-so matter-of-factly said hot girls deserve to be treated better, with respect, with extreme love and care, because they are special and rare. Ohmyfuckinggoodness. Are you kidding me? I asked him if he would then treat a pretty girlfriend better than he was treating me and he said of course he could and would. Again, it was the principle of the thing. If a guy was blessed (that word again) enough to get a pretty girl, it was his damn duty to make sure she was happy 24/7. He then kindly went on to give me an example of how women wouldn’t dare treat a Chanel purse and something they bought at the mall the same way and that’s how it is with guys and hot girls. I guess I’m the mall purse.
He told me not to be mad, that we were just two plain looking people who had ended up together because we were “on the same level,” whatever the hell that means.
So basically, he’s saying he’s settling for me, isn’t he?
OK…. Now that I’ve written it all out and read my own post repeatedly, I can clearly see what I want to do. So this is more of a vent than asking for advice. I don’t want to marry him… I don’t want to have anything more to do with him. I’m going to “bless him” with a breakup and he can go find himself a hot girl to the best of his abilities with that ugly mug of his.
Thanks for reading this, if you made it this far. It was really cathartic. Sorry this had to be my first post.