(Closed) Another boyfriend doesn't find me attractive post.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What he said to you was incredibly rude 🙁

But even more worrying that he has such a shallow attitude towards people and their “worth”. I think you are right to dump him. Somewhere out there is a man for you who values personality over looks, in you but also in everyone!

Post # 48
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsWe:  Agreed, that part made me feel so mad! You should not be treated as second best because he feels you could be prettier. What a jerk.

Post # 49
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

This post makes me really happy. NOT because you’re in this shitty position with a thoughtless, unkind man who doesn’t appreciate you the way he should, but because you are insightful and strong enough to realize that YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER and to be willing to go out and get it. Marrying this man would be a terrible mistake. You deserve a man who thinks you hung the moon, and you deserve to be with a man you have a lot of respect for — this guy is neither. GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously, if I could teleport to your location and hug you and take you out for a drink to celebrate the awesomeness of you, I would.

Post # 50
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

Well, as humans we all appreciate physical beauty – symmetrical features, etc.  However, when you’re in love with someone, the love that your “heart” feels necessarily clouds what your “eyes see”.  So each one of us obviously is not the most perfect beautiful person in the world, but the love we feel for each other makes us see the person in that light.  Clearly, he was not in love with you – in his eyes he was treating you just as he thinks you should be treated – like a mall purse.  No love, only objective reasoning.  TOTALLY not someone you want to spend your life with!  What a dick!

Good for you sweetie!  You are beautiful, and WILL find someone who appreciates that.  Hugs to you 🙂

Post # 52
Member
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@littlerabbit:  That is such manipulative bullshit.  Well, lesson learned; you don’t need to go to your parents with a decision like this.  You are an adult and it is your life.  Do you live together??  I would suggest asking a close friend if you can stay at their place temporarily while you find a new living situation.  Tell your parents *after* you have left him.

Post # 55
Member
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@littlerabbit:  Sorry I didn’t realize that; I can see how that would make things difficult.  Still, your mom can mediate all she wants; that doesn’t mean she gets to make your decisions for you.

Post # 56
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@littlerabbit:  you go girl! Your ability to acknowledge he’s an ass and dump him is inspiring…and your attitude (“I’ll ‘bless him’ with a break up”) is superb. I can already tell from a post online that you are a very beautiful person, who deserves someone to “treat you like a Chanel purse”…fuck I feel like a bastard just saying that! That guy is such a tool! Ugh I’m so sorry for you, but know you can do better my dear 🙂 

Post # 57
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@littlerabbit:  I am not the prettiest girl in the world, but Darling Husband makes and treats me like I am. He loves me for who I am. As for your parents, tell them to lick your ass because they have no say in your future. Are they marrying him? Do they have to live with him the rest of your life? Fuck no. Girl you deserve better. Please leave and realize there is someone more amazing out there for you!!!!

Post # 58
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a boyfriend who I was with for six years and he never outright said he didn’t find me attractive, but he never once complimented me or my appearance (I mean literally never – not even on special occasions where I was dressed up or anything). Eventually I started to get really insecure about myself. I would wear things that covered my body because I was ashamed, and I was insecure if other people looked at me. It sounds like such a minor thing, but just hearing that you’re pretty (or not, in my case) can be really affecting. After he and I parted ways I found my now fiancé and he literally tells me daily (even when I just woke up) how beautiful he thinks I am. It made me feel better about myself and that I could be loved and found attractive. 

Long story short, just because he treats you well otherwise doesn’t really count for much. It’s important for your significant other to think you’re beautiful and to let you know that you ARE beautiful. Things might be okay now, but it will eventually be tolling and what if he decides later on down the road that you’ve gained a few pounds or you never lost the baby weight after you had a child together and he is more vocal about not finding you attractive?

You had the right idea before and I am really sad that your mother wouldn’t want more for her daughter. Your mom might be upset now for having you break up with him, but I’d rather have a fleeting fight with my mom than a miserable relationship with a jerk boyfriend for the rest of my life.

Post # 59
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@littlerabbit:  “I just want to ask… do you think all guys think that way? Now I’m afraid because my boyfriend never said anything about my looks. He never once said he wanted a hot girlfriend.”

this story breaks my heart. No, not all men think his way, he’s just a jerk. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world and he tells me that all the time. Am I the most beautiful woman in the world? No. Not by a long shot! But he believes it because he loves me. You deserve to find a man who thinks you’re gorgeous and I know you will! Good for you for finding the strength to kick this guy to the curb.

Post # 60
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

“He went home and later texted me: “Let’s forget everything that happened and was said that day. And in the future, I think it would be smart if you talked to me about things before you go to your parents. Good night.””

I’m just reading this thread for the first time, but…. OH HELL NO. 

This whole debacle is bringing out a side of him that does not treat you well. He’s manipulating you and treating you like a child. Your mother also manipulated you.

You deserve a loving partner that both thinks you are attractive and sees you as an equal.

 

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