(Closed) Another children at weddings post/observation/question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Childcare is definitely not to be expected. It should be a pleasant surprise if it’s done, but I think it’s arrogant of a guest to assume that the couple should do it.

Post # 19
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Childcare isn’t to be expected, nor are the bride & groom obligated to provide it, but it’s a very nice gesture for those who are travelling and don’t know a local babysitter.  

 

I don’t get why some people are so insistent on children coming to weddings.  Weddings are torture for kids, it seems selfish of the parents to bring them, plus poorly behaved kids can ruin a wedding.

Post # 20
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

To me, the bride/groom offering to provide child care provides a built-in solution to what often becomes a very heated debate, saving everyone the emotional drama of the child/no-child debate. It’s not a requirement, but a small investment on the part of the host/hostess can pay itself back many times in the form of preventing conflict.  Plus, in the case of a guest who is traveling, they may not know any local babysitters, hence the bride/groom is in a better position to line up a trustworthy sitter.

You don’t have to line up childcare for the kiddies but if you’re asking for a child-free wedding, letting the guests know when the invites go out that you’ve already taken care of this bit will stop a lot of conflict from happening, and to me that is well worth the $80 or whatever a babysitter is going to cost. It’s very presumptous for a guest to assume the host is going to bear the cost, but with such a hot-button issue it’s foolish for the host not to offer.

Post # 21
Member
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Future Mother-In-Law has taken providing child care one step further and thinks that I should be providing life guards for my reception Undecided. As soon as I showed Future Mother-In-Law our venue she started lecturing me that I should provide child minders because we’re right on a river. My cousins kids are little hellions that don’t listen well, but I still think it’s their parent’s job to keep them out of the river during the reception. There is no way they are going to miss the fact that there is water after the ceremony is on the river front. The reception is taking place some distance from the water at the top of a hill, so if the parents keep the kids at all close to them they won’t even be near the water.

Post # 22
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@VegasSukie:   For example, the argument is constantly made that if the B&G really want so and so to attend then they HAVE to make accommodations for the children (which is fine/true). But what about the invited guests with children that really want to attend the wedding?  If they really want to attend and have ample notice, shouldn’t they be the ones to make accomodations for their kids so they could attend without them?  Why does it automatically get thrown back at the hosts? 

It doesn’t.  You have 2 different situations here.  In one situation the COUPLE wants the guests there (and it seems like the guests don’t feel the need to be there) and this situation often comes up on the bee, so people suggest they help them w/ childcare since it is the couple who wants them there and not necessarily the guest.   The other situation where the guest wants to attend is a non issue.  Since the gues wants to attend no matter what then they will arrage sitters by themselves.  Since this isn’t an issue no one is going to complain about it on the Bee.

It’s confusing to me why so many people insist that brides and grooms should provide babysitters at weddings even if they do really, really want said guests to attend. 

First I hardly think many people say this, I think the vast majority are in the camp of “stick to your guns.”  Second, I don’t think anyone insists.  If a bride is complaining becasue people don’t want to come becasue they don’t feel like getting a sitter, people suggest she provide it.  They are just giving advice which this board is all about.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone tell someone that they must provide childcare.  But if it’ll make the bride happy that the couple will attend by providing it, it’s a fine suggestion.

 

 

Post # 23
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@Eckle:  Aww at first I thought you were gonna have a pool party reception, which I think someone should do!

But yeah I would def not worry about a river and other peoiple’s children.

Post # 24
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@fishbone:  +1 well said.

Post # 25
Member
6431 posts
Bee Keeper

@VegasSukie:  I totally agree.

HOWEVER, I would *hope* that no-one expects this, and it seems to me like most couples who do it do it for an easier life.

We’re having an almost completely child-free wedding; there will be two children there, OH’s cousin who will be 11 and who’s a bridesmaid, and my cousin, who will be nearly 13. We have a couple of guests with babies/small children, and their children are not invited. We will not be providing or arranging childcare. Thus far, it doesn’t seem to be an issue for anyone.

I personally would not provide childcare on principal, even if it did mean someone couldn’t come; it is their child, and so their responsibility. There are times that your children cannot come to events with you, and, as the parent, it is your responsibility, and no-one else’s, to arrange a sitter.

Post # 26
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

We’re hiring a couple of babysitters for during the ceremony.  Almost all of our guest are going to be from out of town and a lot of them have children.  I didn’t want to exclude anyone by saying children can’t come.  I also don’t mind them at the reception.  I just don’t want to have to worry about a new born crying in the middle of the ceremony.

I don’t think it’s our responsibility to supply childcare, but I think it’s a nice gesture.

Post # 27
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are having children at our wedding but my view is if the parents choose not to bring them then it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We haven’t written quite plainly that they are their parents responsibility and no one elses. We are providing a bouncy castle and there will be goody bags for the meal but I am encouraging parents to bring quiet activities to occupy them. I don’t have children myself yet but I think it is a personal choice whether or not you invite them….but I do agree, why should the bride and groom provide childcare?

Post # 28
Member
6431 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@rickhurst35:  Good for you. I intensely dislike most children, and am not close to any bar the two older children we’ve invited. Why I would invite people I’m not close to and don’t like, particularly when our guest list is small, and we want an intimate wedding with people we love and are close to, is beyond me.

Children do not ‘make’ a wedding for everyone. If a baby cried during our vows, I would be upset and angry. I don’t want to risk that happening. I want a strictly adult affair, where people can dance and let their hair down without worrying about tripping over the ‘cute’ (note the sarcasm) kid sliding around on the dance-floor..

Post # 31
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@VegasSukie:  For those B&Gs providing childcare options, is it enough for them to find/suggest childcare options or do they actually have to provide them (i.e. – pay?)?

Depends on situation really.  If it is a local wedding and guests are local then options are enough, I’d say.

In other cases, like esp Destination Wedding where the guests can make it into a fam vecca IMO the B&G should pay, because it is unreasonable for the B&G to demand the child not come and it is another added expense to guests who are travelling and spending a lot of money to attend your wedding.

But there is no answer to your question about is it enough.

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