(Closed) Another children at weddings post/observation/question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 33
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I was having a Destination Wedding, I would consider getting a babysitter for the kids because 1) I would imagine that the couple is treating this as a family vacation and 2) I made them trek all the way out to my destination so the least I could do is spring for a sitter. That said, some parents I know would never trust a random sitter and in this situation, they probably would bring a family member along to watch the kids anyway or they would decline to come.

If I was having a local wedding, I wouldn’t cover the cost of sitters because I would expect all the parents to have resources for a sitter and they would each want to use their own. That would get extremely cost-prohibitive to pay for that many sitters. Further, as a local wedding, there’s always the option of having one spouse attend, which happened at our wedding.

DH and I have discussed this extensively and we would either find a sitter (e.g. family member) or have one spouse stay home while the other one attends. I wouldn’t expect them to find a sitter for us.

Post # 34
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it is absurd for anyone to expect a bride and groom to pay for childcare.  If you can’t find childcare, don’t go to the wedding.  Your children are your own responsibility.  They are the center of your world only- not everyone else’s. 

Post # 35
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

As a parent, it’s absolutely not the bride and groom’s job to pay for my childcare, nor would I accept, as I’m not going to leave my children with a sitter I don’t know.

I get that people are trying to be generous, but it’s completely unnecessary, in my opinion.

Post # 36
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

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@stuckinwonderland:  I don’t understand why anyone would ever leave their child with a stranger.

Post # 37
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@VegasSukie:  i think it depends on the situation. Although our wedding is in the town we live in, it is a destination wedding for everyone attending!

since my sisters all have children, and some groomsmen have children we were considering hiring and paying for a babysitting who would attend the reception because it is impossible to find a babysitting in a city/state you do not live in.

Post # 39
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@FLBlonde93:  how well do you know your kid’s teacher, camp councelor, coaches, etc???  This is absurd:

I don’t understand why anyone would ever leave their child with a stranger.

At some point everyone leaves their child with a stranger and 99.9% of the time it is OK.

Post # 40
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@VegasSukie:   What if the B&G do provide a sitter and the parents still insist on having their kids with them during the ceremony/reception for this reason?

Then they are being incredibly difficult, selfish and arrogant and really not worth any more of my time.  They can stay at home and watch their own children.

Post # 41
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I had a ton of kids at my wedding… did not need childcare.  I think if kids are invited it’s the parents responsibility to reign in their children. The one hiccup we had at our wedding with a kid was my nephew sticking his finger in the cake and smearing the icing just a little at the bottom.  No big deal. 

Post # 42
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Atalanta:  You just took my comment way out of the context of the thread.  This thread is about childcare at weddings as I am sure you know.  It is not about schooling or children’s camps and extracurriculars.  When one takes things out of context, it changes the relevancy and meaning of what was said. To me, a camp counselor or teacher who has passed an extensive background check is nothing like a Destination Wedding babysitter who is a stranger to all.  Teachers and coaches work with a  group of children within a support system of adults that can assist them in an emergency.  That is NOTHING like leaving children in a hotel room on a tropical island with a stranger. 

Post # 43
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@FLBlonde93:  I didn’t misinterpret anything.  Your comment was general about leaving children with strangers.  I think you didn’t really think it through. 

I’ve been a camp counselor in many camps.  You think there are extensive bg checks??? LOL

 

 

Post # 44
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@VegasSukie:  I wouldn’t leave my kids with a sitter I don’t know even in the same building.  You just can’t be too careful.

 

I think it’s a waste to do that.  I mean, you’re banking on parents taking you up on your childcare offer so that the kids don’t run crazy at your wedding.  Why not just make it an adults-only affair?  

I’d be more than slightly upset if I went to a wedding and was expected to leave my kids with someone I didn’t know because the bride and groom wanted the kids quarantined.  I mean, why invite them?  Just tell me they aren’t invited.  

Post # 45
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why do people make comments about weddings being about families when they argue in favor of having kids present? Children are not a part of every family. I know quite a few families that don’t include children, some of them by choice. Weddings are about the two people who have decided to create a family by getting married. If they don’t want children there then respect that and stay home if you can’t be separated from your children. And certainly don’t expect the bride and groom to pay for childcare, your children are your responsibility. 

that said, I’m having some children at my wedding but that is the way I want it. If it doesn’t work for the next couple more power to them. 

Post # 46
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@stuckinwonderland:  I think you’ve misinterpreted the OP.  She’s not talking about a couple confiscating children as they arrive to the wedding. She’s talking about a couple hosting a child-free wedding and offering to take care of the childcare arrangements as a courtesy to the guests, but with the guests knowing in advance that it is a child-free wedding. 

I don’t think anyone thinks it would be a very good idea to spring the child-free event on the parents as they arrive with kids in tow.

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