Post # 1
It’s been rough enough choosing bridesmaids and my Maid/Matron of Honor. When a friend of mine had learned that I had chosen my best male friend of 20 years to stand beside me as my "MOH," she threw a tear-filled fit because she had made me her Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding and demanded to stand next to the Maid/Matron of Honor as the unofficial "MOH" at my wedding..
As if that wasn’t enough, I was informed that my fiance’s cousin, whom I hadn’t met before, told his family that she was upset not to have been asked to be a bridesmaid. My fiance has requested that I include her in the bridal party.
But when I finally met her, she blew me off. The only words muttered to me through the evening were, "nice to meet you." When it came time to leave, she breezed right past me, saying nothing, to hug my fiance, then walked past me again without a word.
Am I really to include her in my bridal party because my fiance and future Mother-In-Law wants me to? How should I handle this?
Post # 3
No way. Your bridal party is your decision. I’m sure your fiance knows, but remind him of your reasoning again. He can explain it to your Future Mother-In-Law if the problem persists. Considering the girl blew you off, I really don’t think that you even need to bother finding another role for her (greeter, hand out programs, etc.) Don’t stress about it, it will blow over 🙂
Post # 4
I’m confused. A cousin of your Fiance, WHO YOU HAD NOT MET YET, was upset not to be in the bridal party? A sister, I could understand, but a cousin?
You chose a male friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor, if this cousin is THAT close to your Fiance, then it’s up to him to ask her to be a "groomsman". I don’t think you should have any obligation to add her to your side. It’s a very personal thing to pick your BMs and it seems silly that she’s expect you to add someone you don’t even know.
It sounds like this cousin is sad about "losing" her cousin to you, and she’s clearly making a point that you’re not that important by how she behaved when she met you.
Post # 5
No, no, no.Â Don’t let her in your wedding party.Â She is not close enough to you.Â If your fiance wants her in, she can stand on HIS side.
Post # 6
But how can I say it to my Fiance without upsetting him? I have tried to bring up the topic, but he has already tried to push the issue, saying that she invited him to be in her wedding on her groom’s side.
He also said that, growing up, she was like one of his sisters. What I want to know is, if they are still so close, why haven’t I ever met her in the years we’ve been together or even during the last year?
Post # 7
How many people are in your entourage already? Could you help your argument to your Fiance by arguing an overcrowded wedding party, or an uneven one?
I’m including by Fiance’s sister in mine, but we’ve actually MET and hung out for the last five years.
If this is your fiance’s friend, relative or not, she belongs on his side.
Post # 8
I think SoCal had a great idea: your Fiance should put her on his side. If you already have a male Maid/Matron of Honor, then she would even things out so your Maid/Matron of Honor won’t look strange as a man among women (not everyone is open minded about this yet…). You’re a great person to even be considering the cousin, my Fiance has 2 sisters and I didn’t ask either one.
As far as the grumpy Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wouldn’t indulge her either. There’s no rule of Maid/Matron of Honor reciprocity. BM’s are paired up based on height so she can accept her role or bow out. Explain to her that there won’t be hard feelings if she doesn’t want to be anything but a Maid/Matron of Honor, but that if she does choose to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then you need her to be in it 100% (without the tantrums). You’re going to have enough to dael with, the bridal party should never be a source of stress. Best of luck!
Post # 9
You can NOT have your Fiance cousin as one of your BM’s. Unless you are the kind of person who can get through this whole occassion without it bothering you…..if you’re not, then don’t even entertain the thought of asking her. Let your Fiance know that your wedding party is supposed to consist of the people in your life that you love and have been there for you, standing up for you on the most important day of your life. It doesn’t appear that his cousin qualifies…..and she’s rude to boot. She can stand on your Fiance side, as someone else suggested, but don’t let this stress you out. It should almost be a no-brainer. If that’s absoulutely not what you want to do, then stand firm and don’t let everyone else push you around, because trust me – weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. I have never seen so many fits, tantrums, and just general rude/bossy/jealous behavior in my life.
Post # 10
It’s funny how bent out of shape folks get about weddings! We’re having a strictly non-family wedding party (FI’s sister is a bit of a drama queen and I’m much closer to his brother’s wife than I am to her). Don’t allow others to dictate who MUST be in your bridal party! These are the people you’re going to rely on to help with the arrangements and stand up for you. No need to invite further drama with a less-than-friendly cousin. As many have mentioned above, you’ve taken the plunge with your male Maid/Matron of Honor, so if it is important to him to include her, he can add her on his side.
I’m with sweettea on not indulging the cranky bridesmaid. People and relationships change over time – there is a reason you picked your Maid/Matron of Honor and the Bridesmaid or Best Man needs to either excuse herself politely or suck it up and be happy for you already. Sheesh!