Post # 1
Ok I know there are a ton of these, but none fit the bill! I am a 23 year old female engineer in a metallic engineering group. Basically, I am like the only woman! We used to be a large group of 24, and now we have undergone some reorganizations. It used to be my second level manager, and under him was two managers with groups, each had 12 members. My direct manager moved on, and we were consolidated under the other manager. I am trying to decide who of my work group I should invite. I really only want to invite two guys that treat me very well and speak to me with nothing but respect. They invite me out to lunch with them, we chat about non work stuff, and in general I feel they don’t treat me weird like some of the other group members do. It’s not that my coworkers are rude, but we’re not all "tight" and i’m not part of the "boys club" or so I call it. They play cards and go out to lunches and I dont’ get invited along. I’m a girl in a man’s world, i get it. But, the warmth is not there from my other coworkers like it is from these two guys. I also feel like I should invite my boss and her boss out of etiquette. It’s tough because I have been commenting that I’m having an "only friends and family" wedding, and while I feel I should invite my whole group or no one (but that’s 48 people with their wives, and some of these people I don’t care enough to invite them, right? yeah), I’ve gone back and forth for FOREVER about whether or not it is ok to only invite these 4. I’d bring the invitation to work and discreetly mention to them that i’m only inviting a few people and that i’d like for them to come. Anyways, thoughts???? SIGH. Thanks bees!
Post # 3
I’m in a similar situation exept if we invited everyone of my coworkers with a guest it would add 14 people. I’m only inviting the 2 guys I’m close to (who sound SO similar to your two guys! LOL), I don’t really care what etiquette says about inviting my boss. 😛 My opinion is to just invite who you WANT to invite and too bad, so sad to the others! 🙂 (Honestly since they are all men, I doubt any of them would even notice/care)
Post # 4
I think it is totally okay and expected to invite only the people you are close to and socialize with. Most people understand that not everyone at work can expect to be invited…it’s just way too big of a group otherwise!
Post # 5
I think it’s ok to only invite the co-workers you are close to. We picked based on our relationship to our co-workers. That meant that some co-workers in one department were invited and others in that department were left out. No problems so far!
If you do decide to only invite the two you are close with, I would suggest not bringing the invites to work. If you bring the invitations to work, even if you are discreet about it, there is always the chance that other people might see them or hear about them indirectly. Sending to them at home will take that possibility out. So unless they specifically tell your co-workers that they’re invited and everyone else isn’t, no one will know!
Post # 6
I know exactly what you mean! I think it would be perfectly fine to invite the people you mention in your post & not the rest of them. You need to invite people who will support you and your marriage– and if you aren’t close with the other guys to go out to lunch with them or talk about non-work stuff, then don’t invite them to your wedding out of obligation.
Post # 7
I think you should just invite the two guys you are closest two, and your boss also if you wish. I don’t think anyone would expect you to invite 48 people you are not close to to your wedding. I agree you shouldn’t bring the invites to work. Just ask for the guys’ addresses, and at that time mention for them to keep it quiet around work, since you aren’t inviting everyone. The nice thing about working mainly with men is that probably no one will be offended if he doesn’t receive an invitation 😉
Post # 8
I think it’s perfectly acceptable to invite the 2 guys that you’re close with (and have an actual relationship with). I’m geniunely friendly with just about everyone in our department (close to 20 people) but am only inviting those that I’ve known the longest, and that I’m closest to, which comes to about 7 people (plus SOs).
And as Mrs. Spring suggests, perhaps let them know to keep it on the DL and not discuss it too openly at work. No need to keep a secret, just avoid talking about it in front of other co-workers.
Post # 9
Just invite those you are close to. Their important connection to you is that they are your friends, not that they happen to work with you.
Post # 10
I am a Female Engineer too, so I totally understand where you are coming from in the girl stuck in a guys world thing 😉 . I invited 3 co-workers but this was because I consider them friends as well, we socialize afterwork at dinner parties and such.
I think its ok to invite the co-workers you consider friends and I wouldn’t worry about the boss. Invite those that you want to have at your wedding…
Post # 11
I agree. Invite the two you are close with. If you have a good relationship with your boss, I’d invite him too.
Your situation is unique, not really a standard "office" atmosphere.
Post # 12
You don’t, of course, have any obligation to invite anyone from work. And honestly, I’m not sure from your description of the relationship (I am also a woman engineer, working with almost all men) as if you are actually friends with any of these guys. (Just because a couple of them are friendlier than the others doesn’t make them your friends.) However, it sounds like maybe you would like to consider at least two of them your friends. Here’s what I would advise – if you think that you would invite either of these guys, with their wives, to your house for a small dinner party, then by all means invite them to your wedding. If you think you would feel weird askint them over for dinner some weekend, then don’t. The same logic applies to your boss, IMO.
We get into this "event" mentality over a wedding, where somehow we feel like it’s necessary or appropriate to include people who sometimes – frankly – are going to wonder why the heck you invited them, and also how the heck they can politely get out of it, and whether they owe you a gift even if they don’t attend. If your relationship is limited to work-time-only, and you don’t necessarily see it ever going beyond that, then it’s absolutely not necessary to invite anyone from work. And in any case, there is nothing at all wrong with inviting only the coworkers that you actually are friends with. Particularly in a group full of guys, it’s not like those that don’t get an invite are going to feel slighted. And it’s probably not necessary to even caution the ones you do invite. The guys you work with aren’t going to be gossiping in the men’s room about your wedding. Maybe your wedding night – but definately not your wedding.
Post # 13
Thanks! I finally decided to stuff some envelopes for the extra four guests and their wives. Guys definitely don’t gossip (whew!). I already printed off their invitations, so I think I will just take them to work. I try to avoid discussing wedding stuff, even though people are always asking me about it. I keep it short and sweet. We work in cubicles, so there will be an appropriate time to butt in and discreetly give an invitation without it getting around. Plus, I placed my invitations in standard size 10 pearly white envelpes, so they aren’t insanely obvious. They aren’t pink, like some of my other ones! I just didn’t want to come off "rude" you know? and i don’t want it to negatively affect my career that I was impolite. I plan on staying in this group for a very long time, so, as my mom said, it can only be good for me to extend an invitation to the two people I talk with most and my bosses. I went out to a very nice dinner with two of these people and they split my birthday dinner (about a $70 meal). I see myself over time becoming closer with my cube mates. I’ve only been with the company for about 10 months. Frankly, it would be weird to invite them over for dinner. I know how woman are about their men working with other women and I don’t want to cause trouble in another couples’ relationship by simply being friendly. These guys are about 10 and 15+ years older than me anyways. I’m 23….I don’t "hang out" with 40 year olds on the weekends. Just at work. I don’t do dinner parties, LoL. Thanks, ladies, I feel more secure about my decision. All I can do is not worry about it and move on to more important things!