Post # 1
It’s several months since we lost our dearest little dog. She would have been 15 this week, so we were lucky to have her for so long, as we were to have her mother too for ten. When we lost the first one it was terrible, but we still had a dog. Now we have none and l honestly feel l will never be fully happy again without a dog in my life ( sorry for the drama, but…)
We still miss her dreadfully and neither dog can ever be ‘replaced’ but l think l am ready to move on and start looking at least.
H is not though, he can barely countenance the idea, though he loves dogs inordinately and is always so happy when friends dogs come round or we pass dogs in or (dog filled) beach suburb. I insert the idea of a new dog where l can, and l know he would love one if one appeared. But l think it would be wrong to just override his feelings. Or lie about a ‘stray’ (wouldn’t it……?)
Don’t know why l’m posting really, maybe someone has managed this and has some advice.
Post # 2
I feel the same way as you do- my home never feels like “home” unless there is a dog sharing their life with me! I think if you keep bringing up the idea of another dog, perhaps visit some shelters/ breeders together he might soften his stance. It’ll take home. Sorry for your loss.
Post # 3
I can relate to H. I lost 3 dogs within a year. It took me a long time to be ready for another dog. In fact, I was without a dog almost a year and if it wasn’t for my FH I don’t know if I would have a dog now.
He has 2 dogs and we recently got our first dog together.
Post # 4
elderbee : as a veterinarian I hear this a lot. I’m sorry for the loss of your dog, they truly are part of the family and a big loss. As you know the grieving process is different for everyone, some people feel more pain when thinking about a new dog, while for others there is more pain with an empty home. I’ve had some clients feel immensely guilty about even considering a new pet shortly after a loss … and others coming in with a new puppy the next week.
Sometimes there is just so much love leftover from a lost pet, that you need to put it into a new one. The right per usually presents itself at the right time.
I’d talk to your husband and ask him why or when he thinks he could be ready (since you said it’s been a few months). Sometimes people need a completely different breed or gender to have the new pet not be too similar to the one who past.
Post # 5
Hey Bee so sorry for your loss. Its such a hard thing losing those fur babies. I have grown up with dogs my whole life and will admit the few times the house was dogless did feel different but please do not push your husband into something he is not ready for every one grieves at a different pace and although I am sure hed love a dog if he appered I wouldnt want the new puppy to have any negative emotions connected to it.
Post # 6
My dog died in an accident unexpectedly. I waited three months, went to the local pound and got a new puppy. Was I over the loss? NO! That’s not something you get over, I was still grieving but I knew she was special and a new dog wouldn’t replace her and it did help me with the loss. It also helped that I wasn’t just buying a new dog but giving a homeless puppy found on the street a home.
9 years later I am so happy that I have her! I have always been a dog mom and honestly would feel lost without my dog mom responsibilities!
Post # 7
Thank you all so much for advice and kind thoughts , and I do take your point dancingfirefly : if it was anything else in the world I would be, frankly , more selfish about it , it but he is still grieving so much. And I take your point too elodie, I will ever ‘be over’ either of them ,it would be a new love, added to the old and neither would be diminished d by it . Maybe I should say that exact phrase to H.
Thank you, but no way we would be visiting breeders and shelters lifeisbeeutiful : , if we could do that it would mean he was already on board with a new dog and I wouldn’t have this problem.
Post # 8
Born into a house with two huskies I grew up with, and then I had two more huskies until mid-college when my little girl passed. My parents thought about another dog, but we kept only the one until he passed my last year of college. My father didn’t last more than 4 weeks before he wanted to get another, his boy. That boy was very special to him (THEY ALL ARE!!) and when he unexpectedly passed at 9.5 years my father was heartbroken, and it took almost 2 full years that time for him to agree to accept another dog into his life.
Everyone has to grieve in their own way in their own time. I don’t know why one time it took 4 weeks, and the next time it took 2 years. For the record, those 2 years without any dog in my life and our lives were the saddest I remember being. Thankfully he agreed and we got sisters (my husband and I and my parents) and we’ve had the sweethearts for 3.5 years now.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think the important thing is knowing you are both dog people and will continue to be dog people, even if it takes him a little longer to heal. Despite what anyone ever thinks, you do love again. I never thought I would love another, but almost immediately, you love again. They are all so precious and different. If you are dog people, your heart opens up again and again. They are all unique but they can all be loved.
Post # 9
elderbee : I am so very sorry bee. I am like you where the emptiness of the house after losing a furbaby is more devastating than the thought of adopting another. When we lost our childhood dog after 15 years, my parents were adament that they were not going to be able to adopt a dog for a long, long time. A few months later, they impulsively adopted a puppy and had no regrets. I have no advice, other than asking your husband if he could explain his fears about adopting another dog. You’ll never be able to replace the furbabies you lost, but loving on another dog could help you both heal.
Post # 10
elderbee : Some people swear off owning another dog because of the grief that comes when it’s time to say goodbye. Tell your husband the time your pup spent on earth was the same time she would have spent with any other family, but you were lucky enough to be chosen to be her parents. You got to spend her whole life with her. There is another pup out there waiting to spend their whole life with you, too. Your girl can’t be here to console you and your husband while grieving; that responsibility now belongs to a new pup. The pup will look after both of you, just like your girl did. Your girl will never be replaced, but you will love your next pup just as much. Reach out to your previous breeder for referrals. Convince him to visit a breeder with you. Even if you ultimately decide to adopt, there is no better therapy than being attacked by a litter of puppies.
Post # 11
Hi bee… I totally get it. I feel like grief is such a personal thing. It took a year before I got another dog after my best friend passed. I knew I would always have a dog but it just didn’t feel right… until it did. You just sometimes don’t know when that will happen.
You may just want to take your husband to a rescue to see dogs, or maybe volunteer for the day. Sometimes it helps when people bond with a specific animal before they can imagine it in their life.
Post # 12
bearinabeecostume : Agree… Sometimes you have to remind yourself that the joy you get from a pet in life will always far outweigh the grief of losing them. The whole it’s better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all… idea.
Post # 13
bearinabeecostume : beantime :
Yes indeed this is the issue. In fact we just had a terribly emotional ‘conversation’ ( I was barely coherent I was so upset ) I should have left it a while actually as I was already upset. A friend had called him yesterday to’ plead my case ‘.
I kind of knew she was going to do it and had reservations, but let it happen. I thought he’d tell me she had called, but before he did – perhaps before he was ready to do so, I told I him I knew she called. It was weighing on my mind, as I got from her that things were not looking hopeful , though she, like everybody else, says he would be smitten if/when a new dog appears.
So here we are at this emotional impasse. He says he simply can’t go through that grief again and though he was distraught and guilty at my being so unhappy and of course if I got a new dog that was my right etc….
I know I never saw him so grief stricken in my life as when she died and he still is to a great extent . Reminding him of the joy doesn’t seem to make any difference , he seems afraid to be that vulnerable again. I’m not.
I shall leave it all for a while I think until l we are both a little less emotional .
PS in a sad ironical turn, my SIL just called to say they are having to have their beloved dog put to sleep, just 8 weeks after they lost their other dog. Of course I am deeply sad for them but also , selfishly couldn’t help feeling the timing doesn’t help my case any. How awful of me .
Post # 14
I may be getting a dog !!! A Havanese puppy. It’s not certain yet, I had to fill in a very stringent questionnare and am waiting to hear back . They even checked to see that the Havanese puppy from their kennels that I claim to know really exists ( she does of course but I like it they are so careful ) She will cost a LOT of money, how much , if I get her it will be her and my little secret !
I have searched and searched for a rescue dog, but a smallish , female, youngish female OK with small kids and other dogs is simply impossible to find. If I wanted something like an 18 month old boy Staffy cross I could have my pick of heaps. The poor babies, I feel so bad for them ……but.
I feel bad for poor h. too but I think I am doing the right thing and he seems resigned . Of course if and when and if she ( or another ) is here he will be besotted. That’s kind of his problem. poor darling.
Now , if I am to have my Cuban baby ,she will be black and white with a face like a flower. Would it be tempting fate to ask Spanish speaking bees to suggest a Spanish name for me? I am thinking Querida, Carmen, Chica ..
PS And I just got a text from my SIL to say their little old dog has amazingly suddenly rallied, and is eating again !!!
Post # 15
elderbee : So happy for you! I have some suggestions for her name:
- Yolanda – from a beautiful love song written by Pablo Milanés, a Cuban songwriter and singer
- Guillot – the last name of Olga Guillot, a Cuban singer
- Teresa – the main character of “Retrato de Teresa” (Portrait of Teresa), a great Cuban film
Hope you’ll have her home very soon!