Post # 1
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
My Fiance lied to me about who he was out with tonight; I only found out because someone posted pictures on facebook. When I confronted him about it, he threw it back onto me and blamed me for not trusting him. The first thing he did was had his “friend” defriend me, so I could no longer see the pictures. My Fiance also then went on to tell me how I was the butt of all the jokes tonight. Of course, my Fiance didn’t stick up for me.
I am such an idiot. I offered him a ride if he got too drunk. I took him to get Taco Bell, well after I was all ready for bed. I’m an idiot for being in this relationship.
I’m really emotional at the moment, so I am venting. I know that I’m going to be told that I should leave my Fiance and/or get counseling. It is just soo hard to “woman” up.
🙁
PS: I have no one to turn too, because I’m soo embarrassed this is happening to me, again.
Post # 3
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
🙁 He’s abusing you!!!!
That sounds similar to my past relationship of 7 years. It was much worse, but he started out with that stuff.
He didn’t love me.
My fiance would NEVER do that to me. He’d never go hang out with someone behind my back, he wouldn’t make fun of me with other people, and he wouldn’t LIE.
The guy had you removed so he could HIDE STUFF FROM YOU… and CONTINUE to do it.
You CANNOT marry a guy like that!
He will NOT be faithful, he will not adore you the way you would be with someone else, and he will not make you happy.
It took me a lot of time to realize that I deserved and could do better, but TRUST ME PLEASE.. please leave him. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
Counciling will not help a guy like that.
Think about your future children.. please don’t put them through anything like this. This guy is selfish.. and unable to love.
I’m only stressing this to you because I care. I also know, sadly, that you probably won’t listen.
You are being abused.. and you are letting it happen. You are going to miss out on having a happy life. DON”T DO IT!!!!
Post # 4
Member
5104 posts
Bee Keeper
@coffeegal85: I understand it’s hard to get out. No matter even when they treat you badly (which he is, as you know), you can still feel some kind of odd…ummm, well “comfort” is the only word I can think to use, in the fact that you are with someone. No matter how bad. That sounds insane, but it’s almost like you get used to being treated badly. Doesn’t mean you like it, but you feel stuck.
I get it.
I hope there is something very soon that helps you to get over this hump and “woman up” and leave his ass. Just hearing what he did to you tonight makes me want to punch him in the neck.
He’s a controlling ass who hates himself so much he has to hurt others. Please get out as soon as you can. Love yourself, because he doesn’t.
Post # 5
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
Aww, well at first I was going to say it, but you already know. I’m glad you feel that you can come here to get all of your feelings out and not let them bottle up.
There is no reason for you to be the butt of any kind of joke, especially when he is present.
He can’t say you don’t trust him when he lies and puts the proof that he lied on the freaking internet.
I hope you can find someone to talk to in person about it because that’s not a good situation. His actions tonight are telling you it’ll continue. 🙁 i’m sorry.
Post # 6
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
I’m sorry he’s being a douche right now.. Was he drinking? Maybe he doesn’t mean to be a jackass.
My Fiance, when we were dating, lied about a few things like a private message on facebook with some slore and also the weekend he proposed he got a text from a girl I made him feel terrible about for 3 days. He also humiliated me in front of a bar full of people. 🙁 He was eventually mature enough to talk about it and be “real” with me but sometimes it’s hard to know if he is completely honest.
Anyways, I guess I suck for advice but I’ll just say I hope it gets better and either he can man up and be honest or deal with the consequences. In the end, us women find out about everythinggggg.
Post # 7
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
@Mrs.tobe: This times 100.
Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
First things first. Stop calling yourself names. You’re not an idiot, your just a woman who is engaged to a man who is not the best for you. Everyone ends up in relationships that are unhealthy, you have a choice now to do the hard thing and get away or the easy thing and just keep trying to deal.
I think something that may help you to “woman” up so to speak is to really think about weather or not you feel at home with your fiance. If when you’re with him that’s not when you’re most comfortable and happy is this relationship really want for the rest of your life? Leaving now will be easier than leaving closer to the wedding, and certainly easier than after your married.
I’m not saying it isn’t incredibly difficult, it is, you’ve invested a lot of time and emotion in this person but he is not making you the best person you can be. In fact it seems like he’s making you miserable.
Post # 9
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
edit: sorry for the double post, my internet is being stupid.
Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
@coffeegal85: Ive been in one of these relationships before. GET OUT NOW!!! Theres no reason for counseling. Hes an asshole. Find a real man, not some pathetic boy who has no balls and no sense of respect.
Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
im rarely the one to tell people they should rethink their relationship but a partner who says they love you is suppose to support, defend, encourage and be happy for you not use their actions and words to tear you down, damage your self confidence and your self worth
ask yourself, would you be happy for your relationship to continue this way for 1yr, 5yrs or the rest of your life? if your answer is no then please be strong and make a change
Post # 12
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
This makes me so sad for you. It sounds like you already know what to do, it is just a matter of pulling yourself together and doing it. Always remember that him being an asshole is not a reflection on you or your worth. You deserve to live a love that takes your breath away with it’s wonderfulness. There is a happy ending out there with someone, but I hope you know how happy you can be.
Post # 13
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m miserable right now. I sitting at my desk crying; he doesn’t care that I’m upset.
He was drinking, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he lied.
When he is around me, he is completely different. But when he gets around his friends, its like I don’t matter. They were joking about something “crazy” I did…which I apologized for…so I’m not sure why his friend’s are sooo mean spirited and immature to have to bring it up. I also can’t believe he doesn’t stick up for me; it reflects soo badly on him.
I’m not perfect. I haven’t always done the right thing or been the most rational, but I am a good person. I put my everything into this relationship and all I get it abused.
PS: Thanks for listening to me ladies. 🙂
Post # 14
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
You are a smart, strong, loveable woman. You can and deserve a loving and honest relationship. Keep thinking that and you will eventually get the strenght to leave. The more you tell yourself good thoughts, the more you believe them.. I’ll be wishing the best for you!
Post # 15
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
I really do know how you feel. It’s not as easy as it sounds…but if it was ur best friend you’d tell her she’s making a huge mistake, am I right? I think the types of situations we ourselves, as women, put us in-relationship wise….we mature out of the drama. And by that I mean, we will inevitebly tire, and leave, or demand change, with or without positive outcome. I do feel that a positive outcome in this case is going to be the exception, not the rule, however only you know if this is a relationship worth saving. I don’t think a relationship is worth saving simply because you have been with the person for so long, or live with the person or just can’t bring yourself to move on. I think you will find your way on your own, but some advice would be to start telling yourself the truth every single day. Never make an excuse for yourself or for him. Your relationship is what it is and you have to work through or work out of it in your own way. Firstly, there is a lack of trust in your relationship and your fiance’ isn’t helping at all by misleading you. He may very well be doing nothing wrong but simply went with someone or somewhere he knew you’de frown upon or want to be at, so he lied. Well, this is not how mature adults act, but I don’t have to tell you that. I often fight with my inner deamons on wether to tell my Fiance if I came home earlier than I did, or hung out with that friend I know he dissaproves of, but all in all, I do know it’s my choice and those are my decisions and I shouldn’t lie about them to avoid conflict. I hope you find some peace tonight and I hope you and your Fiance can sit down and talk things out like adults.
good luck.
Post # 15
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
I really do know how you feel. It’s not as easy as it sounds…but if it was ur best friend you’d tell her she’s making a huge mistake, am I right? I think the types of situations we ourselves, as women, put us in-relationship wise….we mature out of the drama. And by that I mean, we will inevitebly tire, and leave, or demand change, with or without positive outcome. I do feel that a positive outcome in this case is going to be the exception, not the rule, however only you know if this is a relationship worth saving. I don’t think a relationship is worth saving simply because you have been with the person for so long, or live with the person or just can’t bring yourself to move on. I think you will find your way on your own, but some advice would be to start telling yourself the truth every single day. Never make an excuse for yourself or for him. Your relationship is what it is and you have to work through or work out of it in your own way. Firstly, there is a lack of trust in your relationship and your fiance’ isn’t helping at all by misleading you. He may very well be doing nothing wrong but simply went with someone or somewhere he knew you’de frown upon or want to be at, so he lied. Well, this is not how mature adults act, but I don’t have to tell you that. I often fight with my inner deamons on wether to tell my Fiance if I came home earlier than I did, or hung out with that friend I know he dissaproves of, but all in all, I do know it’s my choice and those are my decisions and I shouldn’t lie about them to avoid conflict. I hope you find some peace tonight and I hope you and your Fiance can sit down and talk things out like adults.
good luck.
Member