Post # 1
I have a cousin who lives in CA and I am not very close with. We live on two completely different worlds. She is 25 and has a 6yo daughter. She never graduated from HS, doesn’t know how to drive, has no family support and no job or money. She lives with her boyfriend who she met in a court mandated rehab program.
A year ago so tells me she is engaged and how he got her a ring. She sends me a pic. Its a yellow gold band with a very small diamond. It was very nice. Well, over the summer she starts posting on Facebook how he is doing drugs again. I called her and told her she needed to leave him, if not for her safety but for her daughter and Fiance and I offered to find a way to help her. She said she would think about it. Well, she kept posting for weeks about his drug uses and never left. I knew I had tried to help and she didn’t want help she there was nothing I could do. A few weeks go by and she posts how he has been cheating and has a new gf who is of a different race and she starts using racist slurs and says how he has kicked her and her daughter out. I tried to get in touch with her but she never returned my calls, texts, emails, etc… A few more weeks go by and she said she forgave him and is back with him. Over the next few months she is posting things about their sex life, and other really inapporiate things.
In the mean time Fiance and I get engaged. She finally calls me and asks about my ring. She asked how many cts it is and I was very incomforable telling her but I did. Her respnse was “WOW! He is a real keeper! My Boyfriend or Best Friend only got me …” I told her that it wasn’t about the size or how much money he spent but its about the meaning.
Yesterday, she starts posting racist slurs about the girl her bf cheated on her with. Some friends started responding about how they know what its like to get cheated on and about how to move on. She then says how she pawned her e-ring when he kicked her our since she had no money and how she much she got. Then says he is getting now getting her a certain ring from CostCo and HOW MUCH IT COSTS! And started bragging about it.
She has no money, no job, no car, NOTHING at all is living with an abusive drug addict and don’t take proper care about her daughter. After not responding to any of her post my disgust level finally popped and I decided I just don’t want to hear her self inficted drama and trash any longer and deleted her as a friend on facebook. Fiance had seen all her posts and was disgusted too. I told him I was deleting her and asked him to remove too so she would not be able to have a window into her our life any longer.
This morning I got an email from her asking why Fiance and I removed her. I haven’t responded yet. I really don’t even know how to explain without it basically insulting her. I don’t approve of the choices she makes, I don’t think she is a fit mother, and now I feel like she is making it a competition with the e-ring comments. What would you ladies do? Should I even email her back or just cut her off?
Post # 3
That’s a touchy one. I completely see why you would delete her, but I’m a people pleaser. I deleted a friend’s crazy ex and when she noticed, I told her it must have been a mistake and added her again :P.
You could always go that route and just hide her updates?
As far as her life choices go….have you considered contacting Child Protective Services?
Post # 4
You didn’t have to remove her. I am not on FB so I don’t know but isn’t there a way you can do your settings so you don’t get notifications when she updates so you are not mired in the minutea of her daily life? Oh, and also what meerkat said too.
Post # 5
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
You can add her to the blocked persons list. She won’t know you did it but she simply won’t ever see your updates again.
Post # 6
I personaly dont understand why people feel the need to put every tiny detail of their lives on facebook. You can just block her or adjust settings so you dont see any posts or updates from her. I do that with annoying “friends”
Post # 7
I would. Just because you dropped her on Facebook doesn’t mean she’s dropped out of your life.
Post # 8
Just block her posts and move on.
Post # 9
I thought I about turning off her updates but after she made comments about my e-ring and just some other annoying things she has posted directly on my page (I ended up removing) Fiance and I really don’t want to her to have access to our world any more. I am the last family member that has any contact with her. Everyone (even her mother and siblings) else cut her off years ago.
Post # 10
Just don’t respond, if you’re really serious about cutting her out of your life now is a good time to start.
Post # 11
Listen, if you don’t want to be her friend on facebook then don’t be. Don’t feel bad about it either. You’re a big girl and don’t have to be friends with anybody you don’t want to be…especially if they’re making you uncomfrotable.
About the e-mail…I don’t know. I would probably ignore the first one..unless you’re ok with hurting her feelings because you probably will if you end up writing back. How close is the rest of the family with her? Will you hurting her feelings start world war 3 at christmas? If it was me personally, I would write her back and it would say something along the lines of you not being comfrotable with the racial slurs and not wanting to see them anymore.
Post # 12
@enoh102: You can have customized settings. Under privacy settings you can select “customize” at the bottom of each drop down list and at the bottom of the popup box there’s a place that says “Hide this from” were you can type her name and it’ll block her from seeing/posting in that particular area.
Post # 13
SERIOUSLY? Her posting the cost of her ring, out of all that, is what you’re concerned about?
Post # 14
Yikes! I have a derrelict cousin who has similar posts, but I just hide her comments.
It doesnt work all of the time though. I will post a picture of me and my Fiance on a recent date and she will say something like ” you guys are so corny – who cares if you went on a brewery tour” … just… unneccessary comments… or If i post on my FI’s wall — I miss you babe! SHe will comment on this saying.. “ohh baby baby i miss you so much, gag me” ….seriously? She dates a new guy a week, has two kids from different men. She introduces her kids to them basically the morning after he sleeps over the first time, which just so happens to be their first date. Why do I know this? She talks about it on facebook! Hide your dirty laundry people!!!
I vote for keeping her de-friended and telling her that her dangerous lifestyles with her chlidren really stresses you out and upsets you. Who cares if you offend her? She is going to ruin her and her children’s lives by not taking good advice!
Post # 15
@crayfish – I was thinking the same thing
Post # 16
That really sucks! I think after blocking her off, you can also call their local Women’s help places and find out if there is anything you or they can do to help her out. That would be a noble gesture. She’s got problems that need to be resolved. If she ends up homeless on the streets, her daughter will be suffering needlessly with her. No future for the kid who did not do anything to deserve such a life! I feel so mad @ people like your cousin! There are people who cannot have kids and she does but won’t take care of hers!