(Closed) Another Facebook Vent- Posting the cost of your ring!

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

There are much bigger problems at play here than the poor etiquette of publicly posting the cost of your ring.  Keep her defriended, but take this opportunity to tell her why.  She asked, after all.  Lay it out for her.  Tell her about all the destructive choices she’s making, let her know that you’re family and you’ll always be there if she wants help getting out of this situation, and then tell her that you simply cannot watch her destroy her and her daughter’s lives.  It probably won’t make any difference, but any opportunity to try to get her to make a change should be taken.

Post # 19
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@crayfish: Ditto!

The poor thing obviously has very little going for her. If the price of her ring is one of the very few things in her life she can feel good about, well… what’s more important? That she has good facebook etiquette, or that she gets some help for herself and her daughter?

I know how infuriating it must be to watch someone make the wrong choices, over and over again. It all looks so crystal clear from the outside. But for a woman who has rock bottom self esteem and has been, let’s face it, brainwashed by an abusive partner, she is doing the best she can. Please remind yourself of this and have some sympathy for her.

One of my closest friends went through an abusive relationship that nearly destroyed our friendship because I couldn’t bear to stand by and watch her do that to herself. After a few months of cutting her out of my life I realized that this was the time when she needed good friends more than ever.

Of course it’s up to you whether you want to put the effort into sticking by her. If you do, try your best not to insult her or denigrate her choices. Instead, empower her. Keep telling her that she deserves better for herself and her little one. Even if it seems like your words are falling on deaf ears, trust me it is helping. You can counter all those defeating thoughts in her head, and abusive words from her partner.

It doesn’t sound like you have much of a relationship with her, so I don’t know how often you actually talk or write to each other. If she does contact you though, instead of lecturing her, help her think through her decisions. Ask her how it worked out for her the last time she did this thing, ask her how she thinks that thing would benefit her daughter, etc. Lastly, she may be making these poor choices because she doesn’t see any other options. Show them to her. Talk her through them.

If you don’t want to see her updates anymore, just block her. I’ve done that with a few annoying people. I don’t see why you need to cut her out of your life completely, but that’s your choice.

Post # 20
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I didn’t think the cost of the ring was the OP’s #1 gripe By The Way

Wait, so you can actually still be ‘friends’ with someone and not let them see your updates? What if they click on your profile – can they see your updates then? I am confused.

I think she deserves the un-friending. She posts inappropriate things all the time, is disturbing you and probably many others with her bad parenting and destrutive relationship and on top of all that wouldn’t respond to your emails or phone calls after you offered to help. She should understand at this point why you want her and her drama out of your world, so keeping her as a friend would be letting her win and maybe saying it’s OK.

Since your original and probably ultimate mission is to help her, I would write back and say that you can’t be friends with her as long as she continues these destructive behaviors, but for her to feel free and reach out if she’s willing to leave her BF and become more stable.

Post # 21
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@enoh102: Do you like seeing her racist comments? That right there is cause for removal. You don’t even have to go into all the other details with her. Unless you think her racist nonsense is okay. That’s the only thing that stood out from your post that no one else had mentioned.

I have deleted LONG time friends for racist comments towards the president and his daughters. I don’t care if it caused drama. That’s not okay. If I were you, I would just tell her that you aren’t racist and you aren’t going to read her crap. You aren’t even going to go through the trouble of blocking her posts, you are just cutting her out.

Post # 22
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@Sasha2011: That’s a great suggestion.

I’ve just thought of one more thing. OP, if you cut her out of your life completely, you will never know what will become of your cousin’s daughter. I can see giving up on your cousin, but her daughter doesn’t deserve that. If you really have serious concerns about the child’s wellbeing, do the responsible thing now. Call Child Protective Services and describe the situation to them. You don’t have to report your cousin right then and there, you can call anonymously just to get CPS’s opinion on whether the child is in any actual danger.

Post # 23
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@Miss Tattoo: Believe me, I have very little patience for racism. But I think in this instance there are other more immediate concerns for this woman and child’s safety, besides her ignorance.

Post # 24
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@moderndaisy: Yes you can be friends with someone and limit their access to the most basic details if you want. I do this for all my co-workers. They don’t need to know what I was doing on vacation or Halloween.

Post # 26
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@jayce: I understand that, but it seems like the woman in question doesn’t want help and believe me, you can call CPS and every Women’s Shelter in the county, but if she doesn’t want to help herself first, then none of it will matter. The OP asked what should she say about unfriending her and I would just be honest. Everything else about her relationship seems like it has been said already and she chose to stay.

Post # 27
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

And defriending someone on Facebook is not the end of the world. I’ve taken people off because we don’t talk outside of Facebook. I don’t want people on my list for the sake of having people on my list. If you defriend her, you can still call and email her.

You could block her or make your settings friends only for everything and just tell her you deactivated your account. Do you have mutual friends?

Post # 28
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@enoh102: Okay, understood. My apologies.

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@Miss Tattoo: I volunteer at a women’s shelter, believe me I know how hard it is to help a woman who doesn’t want to hear it. The important thing is for the woman to know that IF she decides to seek help, she’s got someone to turn to. Whether that’s her support network of family and friends, or a domestic violence hotline, she needs to know she’s not alone.

 

Post # 30
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@enoh102: It sounds like you already know what you want to do. You want to cut her out, so go ahead and ignore her emails. You want reassurance from others that it’s okay for you to do that. It’s okay!

But the fact that you’re so hung up on her trying to “compete” with you in an e-ring pricetag contest suggests that this is not just about her and her issues. This woman has NOTHING and yet you’re concerned that she’s trying to show you up. What does that say? I know you kind of took it back in a later post and said that you’re really more concerned about her priorities than the ring issue, but your original post is quite clear. I’m not judging, just saying that sometimes our insecurities are more obvious than we think.

The topic ‘Another Facebook Vent- Posting the cost of your ring!’ is closed to new replies.

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