(Closed) Another family drama post…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Shell get over it – just let her throw a tantrum 

No your not being unreasonable

Post # 5
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@kat2014: lol – as you come towards the end of wedding planning you become less tolerant of this type of behaviour which is oh so common. Let Fi deal with it, Dont worry and have fun planning. 

Post # 6
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Given that you’re only inviting 60 or so people, perhaps try splitting the guest list the way my husband and I did? We gave a third of guests to his parents, a third to mine, and a third to us as a couple (friends, or more distant family members if we wanted them there). We also had issues with Mother-In-Law wanting to invite everyone, but we found it easier to just give her a number and say “You can invite anyone from the family you want (even great aunt Effie no one has seen for 20 years), as long as you only invite X number of people.” That way, she had no way of complaining about who was or wasn’t invited, because she got to choose.

Once we had the lists from the families, we drew up our own guest list with our friends, or those cousins that we still wanted there. It just made things easier, because if Mother-In-Law complained that so-and-so wasn’t invited, we would say “That’s fine! You can invite them, just let us know who take off the list!”


Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well the good thing is that your Fiance is standing firm and making it clear that it’shis decision – even with her terrible reaction, that is going to make things so much easier on you in the future. You two aren’t doing anything wrong, and I wouldn’t even want to try to compromise, because her over the top reaction makes it pretty clear that if you give her an inch she’ll take a mile – and she isn’t even helping to pay! I would probably jsut drop the issue, she’ll get over it eventually, and if she continues to bring it up he can just say, “I’m sorry mom, but we have some tight restrictions with our space and budget and we just can’t invite everyone you would like us to. You don’t seem to be able to talk about this without getting very upset and unfairly blaming Fiance, so I’ll be making the decisions about what family and friends it’s important for me to have in attendance. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” If she continues he should tell her he is going to end the conversation if she can’t calm down…and then actually follow through and say that he loves her but he isn’t discussing this and has to go, and hanging up.



Not going to be fun to deal with and at first she may get more upset at the shock of him standing up for himself and refusing to take her crap, but eventually she’ll figure out that he isn’t changing his mind and that it’s not up for debate. At the very least he’ll have put some boundaries in place.


Post # 8
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Seriously, Do. Not. Give In. Fiance should continue to correct her, “Mom, this was my decision. It’s not up for discussion. I’m sorry you’re upset, but I’m moving on now.” ad nauseum. It sucks. 

Think of it as retraining a 3 year old who has always been permitted to throw tantrums. Keep the boundaries, draw them again and again as long as you need to. Don’t let her scream and cry like a child. Eventually, she will learn how to act like an adult. It’s a shame she’s this old and hasn’t figured it out yet, and it will be difficult for Fiance, but it is so critical. 

After all, you’re planning a wedding. It’s a really big day and will be one of the best days of your life, but if you let her do this now, she will do it when you have kids, when Fiance gets sick (god forbid), when you decide to take a new job, how you invest your money, anything. 

Post # 9
11642 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She expects to have a say in more than half of who is invited? Lol. Pp said to gap divide it up into thirds and that sounds like a great idea. Give her a number and let her sort it. 

Post # 10
1431 posts
Bumble bee

@kat2014:  Uhhh these posts irk me! Why do some parents think the wedding is all about them and making it a family reunion? A wedding is a special, intimate time that should be shared with people close to the couple- no one else.


I had a similar issue. We wanted a wedding of 100. My Mother-In-Law gave us a list for 35 people she wanted invited. We turned that into 6 people. Thankfully my husband also did not care to invite family friends and distant relatives he hasn’t seen since he was a kid. We split invites 50/50 so I decided my 50% and Darling Husband decided his 50% of guests. I don’t know how a Mother-In-Law expects to choose 50% of the invites that is ridiculous.


Stand firm, you will regret caving and having a bigger wedding than you wanted filled with people you don’t know. If she continues to have tanrums I would say, ” I understand that it is important for you to have the entire family celebrate our marriage so if you want to throw a party for us after the wedding with the whole family we would be happy to attend”- πŸ™‚


Post # 11
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kat2014:  This was my own mother πŸ™‚ We had a pretty big fight (I expected her temper, but not my own! So it escalated quickly… lol) And she has not let it drop since. BUT I just keep telling her the same thing over and over. It’s boring. It’s frustrating. But I’m not budging on it and come the wedding day it will be only the guests my Fiance and I wanted there πŸ™‚

Good luck with this one!

Post # 13
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No you’re not being unreasonable. I’m only inviting one of my cousins because the others I never see!

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