(Closed) Another FIL Post: I Need Advice!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1645 posts
Bumble bee

WOW–she stalked you online and found your WB account? That is some serious obsession. Crazy, party of one!

It sounds like both your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law have level heads on their shoulders. I mean really, based off what you’ve written, this girl sounds like a petty, jealous person who decided to hate you for no other reason than she was bored. 

So…lemme get this straight…Fiance wants her in the pictures and doesn’t care that she’s in the front row? If is brother in the wedding party? She is, after all, family. It may totally suck, but I’d pick my battles carefully. The photos are a bigger deal, but I’d let her just sit in the front row and stew. Let people watch her pout. I guarantee she’ll make a fool of herself–no help needed.

Post # 4
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I understand why you’re upset, and why you would not want to give her “better” treatment at your wedding than you received at hers. But here’s my advice: Take the high road. Let it go. The fact is, you are both part of the family now, and whatever you do affects the entire family. Do it even if it’s just for his mother’s sake; it seems she’s been supportive of you and you would be saving her the stress of being in the middle.

I know it’s hard. But I have found that the best way to deal with difficult people is to kill ’em with kindness. Be better than her.

Good luck!



Post # 5
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

First of all, what an amazing Fiance to take up for you like he did against his family.  

As far as the pictures, I don’t think I would want her in them either. It is your day and you two aren’t friends, so why have her in them.

And for the seating…did you ask her to make the seating charts?  Either way if you did or didn’t. Just talk with her and let her know you would rather her not sit in the front row.  Again this is you and your Fiance big day. It really is about the two of you for the day so your wishes should be respected.


I wish you the best luck with everything.  

Post # 7
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012


She’s a firecracker huh..and by that I mean bitch!  So if she is stalking on here she can read that I said she was a bitch not you!

Gah..where to begin.  First I would give the photographer a heads up about her.  Then I wouldn’t worry about her being in the pictures.  Hopefully she will just decline being in the pictures.  If she doesn’t decline I would tell the photographer if she is screwing up the pictures on purpose to let you know.  Then you can have her escorted out.  You can even tell your Future Mother-In-Law these plans as well.  She seems to understand the issues that is going on so maybe she could difuse the sitation if one arises.

As for the her sitting in the front row..ehh..I probably wouldn’t freak out too much over that. No one will really pay attention to her anyways. But that’s totally up to you.

Post # 8
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Since they’re married, I don’t really know how you can keep her out of all the photos.  You can take several combinations though, so she’s not in all of them, and you can just frame those ones.  As for the front row, I completely understand this.  That to me seems like almost a bigger deal, because the last thing you want to see when looking at your groom is her face.  Is his brother a groomsman?  Because if he’s standing up, maybe she can be in the second row where she’s less visible.  But if he’s sitting too, then I feel like they have to be in the front row, since he’s the brother.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation.  She does sound like a piece of work.  Luckily, your Future Mother-In-Law seems to be on your side, so hopefully she will just keep her away from you as much as possible.

Post # 10
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@somuchfrustration: Maybe just do what she did to you? Wait till picture time then have someone tell her she’s not needed. 😉

Post # 12
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper


Wow!  What a situation.  But good on your Fiance and his mom.  It sounds like she knows that you two are the more mature couple.  Try to take the high road if you can.   Perhaps Fiance could ask his mom if Future Sister-In-Law could be placed other than the front row-outside of the row at the ceremony, to a side table at the reception.  If you think she will make trouble for you, you could alert your BMs to keep her away from you. 🙂  If she is in family photos-make sure that she is on the outside of the photos, so you can have her edited out in your copies if you decide to.   If neither of that works, you will probably not really notice on Your Wedding Day. 

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally wouldnt give he the time of day. She is still “family” so you cant really banish her to the back row or anything. I would just ignore her and like pp have said take the high road. I dont think you need to fight to give her equal treatment. She really isnt that important and isnt worth the stress

Post # 15
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@somuchfrustration: No one said it was easy to be the bigger person. That’s what makes it so admirable when you can bring yourself to do it. Wink

Post # 16
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that based on the fact that you do not have a good relationship with her, there is no reason for her to be in the pics. I don’t think you are causing drama by not wanting her in the pics. As far as where she’s seated, maybe let that one go. It’s a case of picking your battles and deciding what is important to you. For me, the pictures I will look at for years and years, would be more important than the seating arrangement. Sorry you have to deal with this.

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