(Closed) Another FMIL update… it's not looking good :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Speaking from experience OP let me offer you some advice. in such a situation never pressure your Fiance to give his mother an ultimatum, that is a recipe for disaster because it will backfire on you in the end. Keep your integrity intact and rather let him come to that decision himself. I am going through a similar situation and my Future Mother-In-Law goes as far as to send me insulting text messages and calls. My grandmother told me one thing, just screenshot the messages and send to her son, do not ever respond to them. If she calls hang up on her. You want your dignity to remain intact and to not stoop to her level because in the end most times if you force the issue he might end up resenting you. In my situation i let my Fiance makes the decision himself on whether he confronts her or not and i am glad i did that because in the end he did it all on his own. My Future Mother-In-Law and i have no contact anymore, she stays out of my way and i stay out of hers and that works for me. I couldnt deal with the stress and i would never have lived with making my Fiance choose between me and her. Its his mother at the end of the day

Post # 17
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I feel your pain!!! My Future Mother-In-Law is the devil in real life too!!!! The only fight my Fiance and I have is about her so I understand you and your pain!!! Weddings only make things 10x more complicated!! Just remember that your marrying the man you love and she cant take away anything from you that you dont let her!!!! Do NOT give her the power to ruin your day and your life!!! Stay strong and remember you can always escort her out!!!

Post # 18
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
barbie86:  I was also going to say that is seems she has a personality disorder. What you said: which is basically attention; they want to be the centre of attention at all times and cannot cope with the thought of their children starting their own families… is so true and they are so afraid of being abandoned. My own mom is like and although she has not been diagnosed (because how can a narcissist go to a therapist and be honest enough to get a true diagnosis) I firmly believe she has a personality disorder. Unfortunately you just have to tolerate these people and stand up for yourself, or just cut them out of your life.

 

Post # 19
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Winery

OMG. By any means, please do not let yourself be alone with that woman! I know most things are better said than done, but you can’t let her get to you. Show her you’re the bigger person. You CAN shut her up without acutally telling her to shut up. If she says something you don’t like, nonchalantly say “everyone is entitled to their own opinion.” Make sure that if she has ANYTHING to say to you, that she says it with your FH around. It sounds like she doesn’t want to “let go” of her son. So kill her with kindness! And not direct kindness to her. I mean, show some PDA towards your FH to let her know that you can’t be bothered by her rude comments. Kiss your FH and tell him that come hell or high water, you WILL be together forever. She has to give up at some point. Don’t let her win. Have minimal contact with her.

This coming from someone who had NO contact with my Future In-Laws (both of them) for 5 years! He stood by my side and quite literally told his parents to “get over themselves”. We are okay now but it really took a long time for me to come around. I was short with them and avoided any kind of lengthy conversation. I wish you nothing but hapiness and that you realize that you don’t HAVE to deal with her. She’s HIS mom, not yours! You have the support of your family and THAT’s what’s important. This is YOUR day, do not worry about anyone else.

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