Post # 1
So i do not want to have “kids” at the wedding. That is not the kind of wedding I want. However there are 2 cousins I would love to come, both are older, as in 17 or 18, but have younger siblings, so thier younger brothers/sisters would not be invited. Do you think it would be rude to say cousins/family members over 18 are invited?
Post # 3
I have no idea whether or not this is widely accepted as ok…but let’s just say if I was say 15 and my sister was 18, and she got to go and I didn’t, I would be majorly peeved!!
Post # 4
I think it usually is okay to set an age on the kids, but I do agree with PP, how far apart are the younger siblings? Becuase that would be super hurtful to not be invited if they are within 5 years or so. Especially since they are family.
Post # 5
i do not think its rude to put a age limit – i mean its your event, your dime and kids (and their parents) need to learn the word no sometimes
Post # 6
I think if you do decide to do this you should call the family in question and kind of just explain. Because they might be like, why is one teenager’s name on the invite and not another? But if you explain that it’s over 18 (technically adult?) they might get it.
Post # 7
I think it doesn’t matter wheather they like it or not. It is your wedding, do what you want and don’t feel bad about your choices. Enjoy it your way. 🙂
Post # 8
After the 17/18 year old cousins, how old are the next oldest ones? If they’re 15 or 16 they might be hurt, but if they’re more like 12 or 13 it’s a fair cutoff. Of course, either way it’s your wedding and you’re perfectly free to do what you want. But as a mature 20 year old who is the youngest cousin on both sides of the family, I can tell you how hurt I was to be left out of everything because of my age.
Post # 9
@MademoiselleL: I agree.
I do think you should invite who you want, and keeping it 18 and over is fine! You want an adult event, which I believe is perfectly acceptable.
But it would be a good idea to call the family and explain. You could say that you feel strange about inviting only some of the family, but that if you made exceptions for them you’d have to make them for all the children…
Post # 10
Obviously you are free to do what you want. It is not illegal to not invite people. But just because you are the bride or groom does not mean you will be immune to any fall out if you hurt feelings. I’d be very careful about splitting up siblings if they all live together. It’s just going to be awkward, and feelings will be hurt.
Post # 11
I agree that splitting up families is bad, you’d be better off not inviting any children of a particular couple, rather than some and not others.
Another thing to remember is this: if you’re not inviting kids, say 12 and under, what will their parent do about childcare? They can’t be left of their own but if they are family, like cousins, I’m assuming their parents and grandparents will be at your wedding. Childcare on a Saturday for that length of time can be impossible.
My mum has never really forgiven my cousin, and his wife, for not inviting myself and my brothers to his wedding because it meant she couldn’t go. (6 hour round trip excluding the actual wedding!) We’re a really close family, it was my mums only nephew and one of my brothers is his godson.
So I guess what I’m saying is be prepared for hurt feelings, and people with kids having no choice but to decline invitations.
Post # 12
Thanks for all your help! I sent out my save the dates in august, making sure to address them to the parents only and not “and family”. However since then i have had some cousins say “my parents told us we were invited to your wedding and want to know if my bf can come”…. I am not close to any of these people and only invite them cause they are family. I have seen them maybe 5 times in my life. I think the next sibbling is maybe 15 or 14? i really don’s know.
Post # 13
@Mrs.Jaquay2B: Its way better to tell those cousins NOW. Just say to them “We aren’t inviting anyone under 18. I’m very sorry but we had to make cuts”.
Your aunts and uncles have already assumed that their kids were invited, so you have to correct that. People clearly don’t understand, so you have to “be rude” and tell them their assumptions were incorrect.