Post # 1
Ok ladies(guys too) help me out! This is driving me crazy. This is my profile I’m 33 years old, hard working single mom I live in the United States. he is 56 year old and lives in Europe he is successful, looks absolutely great for his age and makes me feel like a queen.
We met six months ago and we decided to have a long distance thing, we spend an average of 3-7 days together a month. at first I was just going with the flow having fun, keeping it casual, enjoying our time together, he would fly me places and we would have a blast, of course my feelings for him grew, he makes me feel great, so I stopped seeing other people, but he didn’t( he didn’t tell me, I found out) so I had to have the “what are we” conversation on our last trip, I told him that I didn’t want to invest so much time and energy in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, specially if it takes time away from my kid, and work days so I kinda gave him an ultimatum he had to think about it, and by the end of this last trip he said he wanted to make things work with me.
This is the problem, I noticed that I kept seeing the name “Liz” On his calendar, also dates that he had on stuff like tinder I snooped around his email and found some stuff from “Liz”nothing to bad, but enough to know they had a little something. also on our trip I noticed she kept texting him, I understand that we weren’t “official” before but it makes me think.
Should I say something about this “Liz” ?am I gonna come of as possessive and crazy? (The tinder thing doesn’t bother me as much)or should I just trust that he’s gonna make the right decision once he gets back home.
Post # 2
You’re snooping through his email? Did he give you his password?
I mean, if this happened before you were exclusive I would let it go.
Post # 3
His reluctance at being exclusive would be troubling to me. He may have just given it some thought and decided you’d never find out.
Have you explored with him the possibility of not being long distance? If so, how did he react to that?
Post # 4
I mean…if you’re already snooping and you JUST decided to be exclusive…I think that’s a bad sign.
Post # 6
I was on his computer, which he let me use to do some stuff I needed to do on a computer.
I know I should let it go, but I’m scared he keeps seeing her. (Trust me I don’t like this side of me 😉
Post # 7
trust me I’m not proud of snooping around, I’m just scared to be lied to and then hurt.
Post # 8
he asked what my thoughts were on what to do once my daughter is done with school and my lease is done in 2 months I will ask him then.
Yeah I’m also scared of that, I don’t want to be that annoying paranoid girlfriend who plays the role of detective.
Post # 9
Okay so it sounds like you need to work on your insecurities before getting into a relationship. To start a relationship off with snooping…how are you supposed to build trust from that?
I’m not saying you should trust this guy. But it’s obvious you don’t trust him. So why even journey down that road?
Post # 10
I kinda gave him an ultimatum he had to think about it, and by the end of this last trip he said he wanted to make things work with me.
Does this mean he agreed to become exclusive? Because it sounds to me like he is just telling you what you want to hear.
I agree with PPs. Everything that happened until the moment you both choose to become exclusive was fair play -it doesn’t matter if you felt like stopping first. You are going to have to choose if you trust him enough to be faithful (assuming he said he was on board with being exclusive) and let it go, or if this is something that you won’t be able to get over with hence becoming a dealbreaker.
Post # 11
I tend to think that most people have good instincts as to the fidelity of others. If you’re worried, you know there’s an imbalance in affection.