(Closed) Another low sex drive problem….

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
7 posts

Its sounds like you’ve been through a lot of changes and that can be tough on your drive, especially going from long distance to married.  Long distance definitely amps up passion levels.

But really, I think it boils down all the pressure that you have on you from yourself and your Darling Husband that is causing the issue.  I also kinda felt the same way for a while, finding it hard to climax, but not wanting Darling Husband to get upset.  For me, it made me just feel more like something was wrong with me. You really need to take the pressure off.

Explain to Darling Husband that you aren’t always in the mood, and can’t always climax, and that it only makes things worse when he gets upset about it.  I told my Darling Husband some statistic I heard somewhere (can’t remember it now), like the majority of women can’t climax from sex, that helped him understand instead of feeling bad about himself. Make it a team effort to get rid of the pressure or something. However you can do it, you guys need to talk about it and get on the same page, or it won’t get better.  Guys are just completely different and don’t understand how girls are wired.  

It took me a while to do but it made a difference.  I would also not try to fake it till you make it, and just focus on staying in the moment.  Plus, he needs to know whats actually working and what’s not.  Faking it doesn’t tell him that.  Its hard at first, but you really just have to find ways stop psyching yourself out.  It took me a while, but once the pressure was off and I got out of my own head, things got sooo much better.  I’m sure It’ll work out for you too.


Post # 5
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you’re a lady with a low sex drive, or who doesn’t have a lot of orgasms, you really need to underline for your husband that it’s not about him. He’s not allowed to tell you that your pleasure, or lack thereof, isn’t up to his standards – that’s actually pretty selfish if you think about it. It sounds like it’s getting in the way of you enjoying intimacy and exploring your sexuality.

You say you want to be “normal” – what would normal be, in your opinion? Are you unhappy with the way things are, or are you just unhappy because he’s unhappy?

Post # 7
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If what you’re experiencing is not normal for you, why not get a full checkup just to make sure nothing has changed medically? Some women have low testosterone and stuff like that – it happens. I’m still concerned and confused about what you’re actually feeling and desiring – you say the situation is beginning to improve, but also that things are becoming more difficult?

I think you should try to initiate things with your husband, just in the interest of being a giving, considerate sex partner. You should also try to address the sources of stress in your life, make sure there’s nothing medically wacky happening, and make sure that Darling Husband knows that your desire, orgasms, or lack thereof do not exist for his validation only. 

Post # 9
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that it really sounds like stress is making it harder.  For women, it is pretty mental and we can’t psyche ourselves out by feeling a million different things all at once.

I don’t really feel into it a lot either but I’m on BC for medical reasons so it’s not like I can just stop it.  I think it’s just something you have to work on and when you do it more, it gets easier.

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