- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I think weddings just highlight the drama. Lots of drama between mom and I throughout my life. Been disowned to the point of hilarity. This has probably made mama-wedding drama easier to handle. I came to terms with the idea of her not being involved at all ten years ago! So I actually really just appreciate that she’s coming.
Here’s how its gone:
Mom: “Please keep me in the loop” I send her pictures of wedding dresses, decor ideas, ask for floral suggestions. (i live several states away from any family) Mom: “I don’t understand. What do you want me to do?”
Mom: “Is there anything I can do to help?” I tell her to talk to a family member about bridal shower, since I’m not involved in its planning. Tell her I’d like her ideas on decor, since she’s so artistic & crafty. Mom: ….
Rinse and repeat
So, no expressed interest in anything and, although repeated blanket offers to help, seemingly no interest in actually helping. So far, she has only expressed specific interested in contributing to bridesmaid dress drama, what I want her to wear (do brides really decide that??) and whether she can bring her guy friend and foster kids.
Most recent annoying bit is the invites. My parents divorced 22 years ago – not amicably. Mom kept dad’s name – much to his resentment. Dad is hosting wedding (paying for everything except what FH & I sneak in). I wanted her name on the invites as well (she did raise me afterall), but was concerned about how to do it. I tell her ettiquette says she should be listed using her maiden name to avoid confusion. I ask if she’s ok with that.
She flatly refuses. I should note she took two other guys’ names in subsequent marriages. After each divorce she reverted back to dad’s name. She just has some bias against her maiden name, which I don’t understand because she absolutely loved her parents. Of course, she isn’t friendly with any of her living family.
Ok, fine. It is her name afterall. And, I did ask for her consent. I ask her for suggestions on the wording (she agrees to help), send her an email with a pdf of the invite proof and a link to the invite on the manufacturer’s website, so she can play around with it. (I was having technical difficulties putting their names on two lines). I tell her I need to order asap.
A week passes.
She texts that she couldn’t open the email (she uses yahoo). Blames the delay on unrelated drama. Says to word it however I’d like, as long as I use her married name. I ask if she can’t open the attachment, click the link or read the email at all. She responds that she “can’t do much of anything on it.” Ok then. Luckily, I expected this, so had worked out the technical difficulties with the company and asked for my dad’s consent to her using his name.
Biggest worry is that she will complain later that I didn’t involve her. But, with the way its been going it seems she isn’t actually interested in helping – so I don’t want to put her on the spot by saying, “will you do X?”