Another name question: long name

posted 10 months ago in Traditions
Post # 31
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

“And resent that it’s expected that I give up my name when he wouldn’t give up his. “

To me, this is the crux of it. I’m with you, bee. It isn’t fair. I didn’t change my name when I got married. It hasn’t mattered at all. I love my husband, he loves me, we have different last names, life has continued on.

Post # 32
Member
8436 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

honeybunbee :  

What is a  SJW ? I assume it is  something   derogatory to women who don’t  subscribe to every  patriarchal  tradition,   but  it is a new one to me.

Post # 34
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bibliophilacticbee :  I’d just make the argument that he is marrying a woman with two children from a previous relationship and that you would feel odd taking on his name and sharing his name with your/his future child but not the name of your other two children. You feel it could potentially cause issues and hurt feelings with all your children and make blending a family even more of a challenge that it can usually be. I think that is really something you should both consider in factoring a name change. This isn’t just about both of your feelings but also about those of your current children and any future children you may have. By changing your name to his you can potentially cause questions and contribute to relationship dynamic issues between children. Something to think about for both of you….

Post # 36
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bibliophilacticbee :  glad I could help and I do genuinely think sharing the surname with only one of your children could actually cause issues in the long-term with family dynamics especially during formative years for your children where logic and reasoning are still developing and they don’t have the maturity yet to understand situations. If blending a family seamlessly is your aim as a couple then I think it might work that all children have their fathers surname and mum keeps her maiden name. 

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