Member“And resent that it’s expected that I give up my name when he wouldn’t give up his. “
To me, this is the crux of it. I’m with you, bee. It isn’t fair. I didn’t change my name when I got married. It hasn’t mattered at all. I love my husband, he loves me, we have different last names, life has continued on.
MemberWhat is a SJW ? I assume it is something derogatory to women who don’t subscribe to every patriarchal tradition, but it is a new one to me.
Memberelderbee : sjw is social justice warrior. Or somebody who champions P.C. modern ideals of equality.
Not necessarily derogatory itself.
Memberbibliophilacticbee : I’d just make the argument that he is marrying a woman with two children from a previous relationship and that you would feel odd taking on his name and sharing his name with your/his future child but not the name of your other two children. You feel it could potentially cause issues and hurt feelings with all your children and make blending a family even more of a challenge that it can usually be. I think that is really something you should both consider in factoring a name change. This isn’t just about both of your feelings but also about those of your current children and any future children you may have. By changing your name to his you can potentially cause questions and contribute to relationship dynamic issues between children. Something to think about for both of you….
Membercmsgirl : I love that perspective/argument. Thanks!!
Memberbibliophilacticbee : glad I could help and I do genuinely think sharing the surname with only one of your children could actually cause issues in the long-term with family dynamics especially during formative years for your children where logic and reasoning are still developing and they don’t have the maturity yet to understand situations. If blending a family seamlessly is your aim as a couple then I think it might work that all children have their fathers surname and mum keeps her maiden name.