(Closed) Another 'no kids allowed' wedding drama post

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
688 posts
Busy bee

Yup, I’m with PP. Your wedding is about what you and your Fiance want, and that is not unreasonable. You’re not singling anyone out, this is across the board.  If his parents/family choose to be a*holes about it, let them be. They don’t have to come. But that’s THEIR choice. Also trying to force you to revolve the wedding around her is so stupid. YOU choose who is in your wedding party and who has what roles. End of story. I think you’ve got it, still send the invite, and address it specifically to just the sister and husband (like make it plain as day, have them RSVP _____ out of 2 will be attending) so they don’t surprise you with bringing the baby, and that’s it. I also think you’re actually right in not addressing their rude texts/calls. It isn’t worth it to argue with them. I would make one final calm, short, statement that your wedding is children free. And if they’re like “then we’re not coming!” Then just be like “Well I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Post # 17
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

Put your foot down and don’t cave. It’s YOUR wedding. Your Future Sister-In-Law is married with a child, I think it’s time she grows up and finally realises that she can’t always have her way!! Plus calling your Fiance selfish when she herself is being the selfish one? So low. And so what if you guys are being selfish, this is the one day you’re allowed to be and her trying to use emotional blackmail against her own brother just to get what she wants is pathetic. I wouldn’t want that brat as a Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway.

Post # 18
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Marquee - Private Property

Put your foot down! We’re having a child-free wedding too. It’s your night and you get to call the shots!

Post # 19
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

What a bitch! You deserve some wine. 

Please please PLEASE don’t give into their crazy behavior. If you do, they’ll assume they can walk all over you in future things. If your in laws really won’t come to the wedding because of this, do you really want them there anyways? 

Post # 20
21 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree with the other comments that you need to stand your grown about having no children at the wedding. I am getting married in october and feel the same way. If you make an exception for her you may end up having to make an exception for someone else. I think you have been mature and explained why it isn’t an appropriate place for the baby. In the end you have to do what is going to make you and your fiancé happy. No one else. If you do what everyone else wants you wont fully enjoy yourself. Good luck! 

Post # 21
724 posts
Busy bee

Do what you have to do. Personally I would have just let her bring the baby- an infant would be much less trouble than say a 6 year old and you probably wouldn’t notice she was there. I just don’t see how it is worth loosing a potential bridesmaid and adding stress between you and your future in-laws.

But still, its your wedding, not mine.

Post # 22
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We had a couple of family member’s pull that shit on us too when we got married last year. OP my best advice is to stick to it. She’ll get over her little hissy fit sooner or later. If it is sooner, awesome! If it is later….. oh well, not your fault. 


Post # 23
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I feel so surprised about all the responses here, and I feel like you’re making a big mistake. Is not having a baby at your wedding really worth hurting your family this much? I had three babies at my wedding and I seriously didn’t notice them at all. I couldn’t have even told you if they were there or not, I had far more important things to think about. And now that I have a baby of my own, I know that babies are hard work and it’s stressful to leave them for long periods of time. I wouldn’t leave my seven month old with a random babysitter either. Your in laws will probably be upset about this for a really long time if you don’t change your mind, and that’s no way to begin a marriage.

Post # 24
1794 posts
Buzzing bee

Stand Strong, Girl!

Post # 27
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

awakeanddreaming:  Is it hurting them REALLY? When its at a venue that is innapropriate for kids and there are no other children? If they are hurt they are making that decision for themselves. You can’t control what other people decide to feel.


OP, stick to your guns! It won’t be fun for a baby or the other guests. Plus, I don’t like appeasing bullys.

Post # 28
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I went to a wedding recently and the kids were fortunately really good.

That said, it was no place for children.  I felt so bad for the poor babies ears.  The band was loud, the wedding was really late (NYE), there was so much stimulation, and it’s prime cold/flu season.  I would NEVER bring a baby into a situation like that.  We had to wait 30 minutes in the freezing cold, surrounded by smokers for a shuttle back to the hotel at 1 am.  It was so unfair to the babies who I’m sure would have been happier warm and asleep.  Never once did I think “oh what good parents.  they couldn’t be separated from baby”.  I thought “what asshole parents.  They should have declined or gotten a sitter to put their baby’s comfort first”.

I would stand strong because she’s being such a heinous brat.  Had she come to you like an adult and said that she sincerely tried to find child care and she just couldn’t make it work, I would consider her request and hope she had the good sense to leave if it was too loud/late for baby.  


Post # 29
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

b3lladonna:  Our weddings sound identical. It was a little touchy at first when I announced it was 21+ wedding, but I stayed firm. There’s two sides to play this- say yes to just her and run the risk of insulting other parents just to keep the peace or fuck ’em.

Me? Depends on how much they try to bully me. If it was a polite/desperate plea, I’d bend to keep the peace. But if they threw a tantrum and tried to turn it onto a dramatic thing, I’d call their bluff and say fuck em.

For what it’s worth, FIs best friend has a baby and  asked if the baby was welcome. I said Hellll to the NO. I teach kindergarten so obviously I love kids. Our venue isn’t appropriate for children. And on the last Saturday of June, a week after school lets out, the last thing I want is to be around any children. I totally get you girl.

furtheemore, this shit drives me crazy. How rude is it to challenge a host on what is appropriate for children and babies?!?!

Post # 30
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Rappig: agree. Don’t negotiate with terrorists!

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