Post # 46
awakeanddreaming: I agree with you completely. I don’t think the fight is worth it. You will probably have to deal with the backlash for a long time.
But, as others have said, it is your day and your call. And I can certainly understand your decision to exclude kids, especially given your venue choice.
I think I’m also coming at it from a different point of view than most. We are inviting around 45 adult guests and all of their kids are included. Some people have already chosen not to bring them but others will. My best friend is flying in from Germany so there really isn’t anyone here to watch her kids (3 and 7 months). My cousin will also be bringing her newborn (should be 2 months at our wedding) who will likely be breast-feeding. I’m happy to include them so their moms can be there with me.
Post # 47
Update: it’s all gotten out of hand.
we are still receiving lots of nasty text messages, such as this one from my FI’s mother:
‘i don’t know how u can treat me and your family with such contempt. And now apparently i have to give u up. And also my freedom of speech. You have freedom of choice and now ur in the money u csn do whatever u can afford but frankly i think the whole wedding is a complete waste of money. The perfect wedding will not give u the perfect life. Its only one day. I hate church weddings and then a formal sit down meal. I like a celebrant in the park and a good family wedding in the back yard. All the rules snd regulations u r laying down and excluding family members r just ridiculous. So now u know what i think and why I don’t want to be there’
i can’t believe a simple request has caused this much trouble!! 🙁
Post # 48
b3lladonna: I think you should consider yourself lucky, if someone who is capable of writing a text like that, doesn’t come to the wedding. So if you don’t have everything exactly the way she wants you to, she’s not interested in attending? ARGH!
Post # 49
I would never deal with emotional terroists. Sorry, there is no reason that she HAS to bring the baby. No child HAS to be at a party.
Post # 50
b3lladonna: I’m really sorry about that last text from his mother, it’s just awful. My suggestion is that your Fiance writes her a patient and loving letter saying that he loves her and he loves his sister and was looking forward to them sharing in one of the most important days in his life. He needs to describe what has happened to put perspective on it: you both have decided on an adults only reception, his sister has left her daughter in the care of family before to attend BBQs and parties etc. – can she not see how looking at it a different way, he might feel sad and hurt that she can do that for a bbq but not her own brother’s wedding? He needs to point out that far from being excluded, she was asked to be a bridesmaid.
He should conclude that the drama and her text have made him very sad and that he hopes that she will try to see it from his point of view. He should say that he wants her and his sister to come and the invitation will stand until the very last minute but he will back away for a while and not pressure them.
Do you think there could be some anxiety about your FI’s success distancing him from “his roots” here? Perhaps they are feeling insecure. Not that it excuses such unkind and manipulative behaviour.
Honestly you just despair sometimes don’t you? You and your Fiance have my sympathy.
Post # 51
b3lladonna: It never ceases to amaze me how rude and inconsiderate parents can be. And then to have his parents demand she be a focal point of your wedding. If it were me, I’d let FH talk to his parents and his and make it very clear that your reception is no place for an infant and she will need to either agree to them providing child care and she leave her with her paternal grandparents.
Post # 52
WOW….. I cannot believe a mother would send a message like that. So what she doesn’t like formal weddings? Last I checked, she ain’t the one getting married! And the niece is 7 MONTHS OLD. She will not remember the wedding and I guarantee the sister would have a much better time at a WEDDING RECEPTION if she isn’t dealing with her baby the whole time. I can understand maybe being a little disappointed if she’s that attached to her kid. But to threaten to not come and then convince the rest of the family to do the same?! Unbelievably selfish and immature. I understand you don’t want a family fued starting because of this but I still wouldn’t give in.
I was in a similar situation. My Fiance has 10 nieces and nephews all under the age of 7. Me and my parents really didn’t want a bunch of toddlers and young children running wild at our reception (not to mention having to pay $40 a plate for them). I’ve been to 2 of his siblings’ weddings and the kids just run free, take up the whole dance floor, do whatever they want, cry and scream and steal the attention during the ceremony. However, my Fiance and his parents are adament about the children coming (because they’ve been to the other weddings). I know it would upset my Fiance if they weren’t invited so I’m picking my battles and allowing the kids. BUT we are not specifically putting them on the invitations so his brothers can either call and say “hey, can our kids come?” or choose to get a baby sitter. We are only having one niece in the bridal party as the flower girl. We chose her because she is my FI’s goddaughter. His mom couldn’t believe we wouldn’t have all of them in there somehow (are ya nuts?! 10 little kids in a bridal party??) but recently, his other brother had another baby girl and made my Fiance her godfather as well. This one will be a year old at our wedding and his mom keeps bugging us to have the flower girl pull the one year old in a wagon down the aisle since she is his goddaughter too. NOPE. Not happening. I don’t need babies crying while I’m trying to say my vows.
Post # 53
I am also struck by this. Seriously? Stand your ground, even after that last text message! His family is taking this insignificant request of leaving his niece with a sitter like you guys started WWIII. I don’t even want to image what they are capable of, especially if you cave now. Stand strong. Don’t let others bully your life. And seriously, just because she likes park weddings better? What? This isn’t their wedding!!! It’s your wedding!!! GAH!
Post # 54
ilovebacon: Love your reply!! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Trust me, you’ll be better off without the drama. Don’t cave, DO.NOT.DO.IT.
Post # 55
b3lladonna: Wow, first I am truly sorry that you are experiencing this. Again, it is your wedding, yours and your husband to be. Not her’s, not your sister in law to be or the grandbaby. Step away, continue wth your plans the way you had intended. Do not answer this, or reply to this garbage. It is, in short insulting, hurtful, manipulative and beyond abusive. To have them there, would incite more drama. How did they manage to get this far in life as adults is, in short, beyond me. You have every right to have a nice, quiet, adult only wedding with people that can celebrate your happiness with sincerity and love. That said IF they do decide to attend, I’d be sure to leave a soother for each of them. Sounds like they both need to grow up with all the childish whining they are both doing.
Post # 56
Let’s be honest, do you really want this bitch and her merry band of assclowns at your wedding? I wouldn’t. Not to mention, she sounds like an idiot. It makes my skin crawl when grown women type in text speech so I automatically hate her.
Post # 57
b3lladonna: [quote]Now my fiance’s parents are threatening not to come unless we make the niece a ‘focal point’ of our wedding and give her a ‘role.’ [/quote]
Uh, no. Call their bluff. If they don’t come over something stupid like this, then it’s their burden to bear.
Personally, I’d take it a step further and tell them they are being petty and rude, but that’s just me. A role for a 7 month old? And I can’t believe the parents would threaten to not come.
Post # 58
Here my reply to your Future Mother-In-Law
“That’s terrible that you feel that way. It’s very hard for (FI) to witness you putting one child so firmly above the other that you would willingly and freely decide to not attend your own son’s wedding. I hope he will one day find himself able to get past the hurt and forgive you.
You and (FSIL) (and partners) are still welcome to attend our wedding and we hope to see you there. If you choose not to attend we will do our best to understand. Hopefully, in time, we will.”