(Closed) Another 'no kids allowed' wedding drama post

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 106
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

How does your fiance feel about it? My only cocern about the overwhelming advice, including my own, to stick to your guns is will he be crushed forever if his family didn’t come? His parents and sibling? He won’t resent you for it, right? Just checking. 

Post # 108
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

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b3lladonna:  You situation reminds me alot of this one, and it didn’t end well: http://www.childfreenews.com/2009/11/no-kids-i-boycott-your-wedding.html

My Brother-In-Law and wife boycotted my daughter’s wedding, because their kids weren’t invited. I think the bride had met their son twice, at the time the invitations went out; I’ve never met him, to this day (now 11.5). No one under 21 was invited; the groom’s 6 first cousins 18 and under, who he sees all the time weren’t invited, either. The Brother-In-Law was the only 2 of 250 invited guests, who didn’t even bother to RSVP; they didn’t even so much as send a congratulatory e-mail. And for some reason they thought the four of them deserved an invitation to my 2nd daughter’s wedding (adults-only once again). Nope – never again!

Post # 110
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

What a terrible situation! I can’t believe y’all are having to deal with this with your wedding. Way to go though! Not necessarily on sticking to your guns (but way to go there too!), but on sticking together in this.  Good luck!

Post # 111
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

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b3lladonna:  Your fiance sounds awesome!! It’s great how unified and alike you think abotu this stuff before you’re even married. Maybe that can be the “silver lining” to this mess! 

Post # 113
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You are so gracious. After she said “im bringing the baby and you cant stop me” I would have shut her off completely with the blessing of my fiance.

 

 

 

Post # 114
Member
30 posts
Newbee

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b3lladonna:  She sounds a piece of work. Poor husband! I can’t imagine trying to kill time in the city with a baby. She’s clearly still going out of her way to be very dramatic. Are you sure you want her present if she’s going to go out of her way to act the matyr during the wedding?

Post # 115
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I can’t believe the audacity of some people to think they get to dictate your wedding day!! We are also having a no-kids reception (I am the youngest of MANY cousins all of whom have 2-5 kids each couple) and we just can’t accommodate all of the little ones at our BREWERY reception. It’s also late, ceremony at 6, reception at 7. We also told my cousins by word of mouth as I felt putting it on the invites would be a bit impersonal. Everyone has either been totally fine with it, or isn’t but hasn’t told me that 😉 Seriously, I say stand your ground. Not because it’s “your special day” (that too!) but because they are all being incredibly rude and presumptuous. You and your Fiance are hosting a lovely event for your friends nd familiy and nobody gets to dictate who comes or what roles their darling little children should have.

ETA: Just saw your reply! Hopefully the drama is over and you can focus on being exited. 🙂

Post # 117
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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b3lladonna:  I’m so sorry to hear this!! It’s so unfair they’ve made you feel this way.  This is YOUR day and arguably the one day in your entire life you are allowed to be selfish.  I fully believe also that your fiance’s parents are bluffing when they say they will not attend if your neice cannot attend- because this would mean that your fiance’s parents are choosing their daughter over their son (your fiance) and I can’t imagine any parents would outright not go to their son’s wedding in defense of their daughter.  also– if it’s true, and any of them do not attend- it’s on them for the rest of their lives, NOT you.  they’re going to have to live with the fact that they didn’t attend their son/brother’s wedding because of a very common “no kid” standard. I’m sorry to say if you give in, both you and your fiance are setting a precedent as being pushovers which can follow you the rest of your lives.  again, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this and I really hope you stick to your guns, because I think everyone here will agree that the only parties acting unreasonably are your in-laws and NOT you and your fiance. you don’t even have to explain why you expect an adults-only party, you’re the bride, and what you want (within reason) is what you get. you’re really not asking a whole lot here. if your in laws choose to skip your wedding because you don’t want a 7 month old in attendance, let them, they will realize they’re wrong and they will have to live with feeling guilty about it for the rest of their lives.

Post # 119
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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b3lladonna:  So now they’re using emotional blackmail to try to get their way?

You said the sister is coming, does that mean the parents are also coming even without their precious apology?

I just hope her saying that the husband will be taking the baby isn’t just a lie and that he’s planning on rocking up on the day to attend. After all she did say that she’s bringing the baby and you can’t do anything about it. How will you handle the situation if the baby mysteriously shows up? You don’t want to cause a scene at your wedding asking them to leave.

Post # 120
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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b3lladonna:  It is 100% your choice if you want children there. Just don’t say it is because it is late and has music. I have been going to weddings since I was 3 and everyone of them had booze, music and lasted until like 1. I would just politely but firmly tell her that you love her but if you make an exception for her, you’ll have to do it for everyone else. You have decided to make it an adults only affair to keep numbers down and because it is at an historic site. If she continues to do the whole I won’t come thing, call her bluff. Say, I am so sorry that you feel that way and I will miss you. Odds are she’ll change her tune. If she doesn’t revaluate how good of a friend she was to begin with. Children are important and if she legitimately had nowhere to put the child (I am not a mom but I don’t buy in to the provide a babysitter crap. Its a baby not a handbag) I could feel for her and encourage you to extend compassion. IF that was the situation then no one with a heart would be grudge you allowing her to bring her baby BUT that isn’t the case, she is just being difficult and childish

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