(Closed) Another one of these threads..the platonic best girlfriend

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 107
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

He told you from day 1 but you married him anyway. Google triangulation and see if that applies here. 

Post # 108
Member
6003 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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sarbear21 :  I”m so sorry you’re going through this. The bees have already give the advice Iwould have so I wont be repetitive. I have dealt first hand with a female best friend that caused a lot of issues in my relationship. Feel free to PM if you need to talk 🙁 

Post # 109
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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sarbear21 :  I am so sorry for your loss hun :(. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and finally managed to get on here after a while.

The guys you spoke to at work are clearly not happily married! A happily married man knows to choose his wife before anyone else! Otherwise they’d be single and if they’re single, well now ya know why right?

The other Bees have made some very valid points and suggestions so I won’t reiterate what you already know. No sense in being redundant.

Just know that I am sending you best wishes and strength. You’ve got some big and difficult decisions to make. Be sure to put yourself first. Your happiness isn’t trivial; it’s vital. Take the time you need to heal. Moving forward, don’t settle and don’t stress about how much time, money, etc. was invested into your relationship. Time to put your health, well-being and happiness ahead of what the world thinks. The world be damned! Sending you love!

Post # 110
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I used to go out with guys of all varieties and was disatisfied with all because I couldn’t figure out whether they cared or if Ieven mattered.  I didn’t.

You KNOW when a man loves you.  I am with a good man who puts me first, who is attracted to ME, who loves and honors me.  I know this because I have always felt his love for me.  He never leaves me wondering.

i want you to find a man who leaves you with no doubt of his love for you.

Trust yourself!  He is visibly in love with this ex of his.  Maybe he doesn’t know, but regardless, he isn’t the one.  Don’t stop looking until you find the one that makes you feel safe and loved, wholly.

Post # 111
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh girl.  I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.

Frankly, a baby would not have improved your situation.  I know you wanted to have this baby, but your husband would not have been a good dad on any level.  The fact that you went through a miscarriage and he isn’t even there for you is horrible.  A baby wasn’t going to change how he treats you.  Just like marriage wasn’t what would change him.  Just like getting engaged didn’t change him.  He won’t change.

Unfortunately he was this way for quite a while.  Your post history is evidence of that.  He was this way before you got married.  Don’t waste any more time with someone who won’t be your biggest supporter.

I will say I have a genuine platonic male friend.  He is a close friend of mine and I value his friendship.  However it IS platonic.  Completely platonic.  I have never dated him and I never planned on dating him ever because I’m absolutely not interested in him.  It is possible to have a platonic friendship that does not interfere with your marriage…but your husband is not in that type of situation.

Post # 112
Member
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

Just for even more perspective… I tend to stay very close friends with all of my ex’s. I know most people consider that weird, but it’s just how I am. I still love these people, even though we weren’t right for each other romantically. 

Current SO knows my most recent ex (whom I lived with and discussed possible marriage with back in the day) and it bothered him at first, but I made it clear that SO is my priority. I told him, I will stop talking to every single ex if it makes you uncomfortable, and that was all he needed – me to offer, to show that he was my number 1 consideration. He never asked me to stop being friends with any of them, and we frequently hang out with my most recent ex and they have become friends. 

The problem isn’t that he has a platonic best friend of the opposite sex – the problem is his complete lack of support for you. I think platonic best friends of the opposite sex can ONLY work when your SO knows that they come first.

My SO doesn’t just come SLIGHTLY before any of my ex, he is WORLDS before them. If I ever had even an inkling that it made him uncomfortable, I would stop talking to all of them. And I know he would do the same for me – he HAS done the same for me. When we first started dating, one of his girl friends would flirt with him right in front of me and send him kissy-faced snapchats and I told him it made me uncomfortable, that I felt disrespected, and he’s let their friendship drop off. 

Post # 113
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When he tells you, he will pick her over you any day… that tells me they’re having an emotional affair. He is invested in her more than he is in you. Of course you feel sad, low and isolated.

 

You have wonderful advise all over here. Please take care of yourself and put yourself first. Neither your husband nor his ‘friend’ are going to do it.

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