(Closed) Another person’s affair….would you tell??

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If I’m friends with their SO, I’d probably at least drop obvious hints that they should talk to their partner – I’d want my friends to do the same for me if the situation was reversed.

If I don’t know their SO, I wouldn’t bother – not my business what they do in their bedrooms and I’d want to stay waaaaay out of it.

Post # 4
114 posts
Blushing bee

I always feel the right thing to do is encourage the ‘cheater’ to come clean and then hope they do.  It is not your place to snitch.

Post # 5
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Ugh, I can’t stand people who cheat.  I, personally, don’t think it’s my position or business to tell someone about an affair unless they were really close to me like a close friend or family. I would probably be so disgusted that I would probably stop talking to them. If I had to talk to them for work reasons, I would try to be real brief about it.

Post # 6
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If it were a coworker, no. Neighbor, no. Casual acquaintance, no. Family member, yes. A couple where I am equally good friends with both of them and find out one is cheating on the other, probably not but maybe in an extreme circumstance. I don’t know if I’d ever come right out and say “Your husband’s cheating!” but I might, if I were to do it, say something along the lines of their behavior is weird and I just want to let them know that something seems off. I’m a big proponent of not butting in where I’m not welcome, but if it were my sister or something? All hands off. I’d tell in a flash.

Post # 7
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I would be disgusted by them. If I knew their SO I would definitely try to drop hints as a PP said. If it were work or someone I didn’t know well, I’d stop talking to them or being with them socially but not say anything.

Post # 8
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@glorfin: This.

BUT if it were a really close friend or immediate family member, I think I would have to say something if it continued. Every situation is circumstantial though.

Post # 9
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010


I would tell the boss and ask that my name as informant, be kept anonymous. Why should the rest of the company be legitimately working while this person is scamming the company to get their jollies off? I would tell the boss.

Post # 10
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@CanAmBride: Sorry, I didn’t address your original question…

If it were to come out that you knew & didn’t say anything, and then as a result were punished somehow or fired, then YES. Cover yourself for sure. Or if you know for a fact that your boss would appreciate knowing. Otherwise, you really can’t control what other people do at work. And employers sometimes look down on employees ‘telling’ on each other. Affairs usually blow up & get found out eventually. I can certainly understand your disgust over it.

Post # 11
4824 posts
Honey bee

No. There is more harm interefering then not if its a coworker/friend.   If it harmed your workplace in someway that is illegal and you would have a legal right for recompense as appropriate from the workplace.

My threshhold would be, if that person cheated in front of me, I would say something to them. That I dissaprove and they they owe their SO the truth. 

Post # 12
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would tell the person that you know, and if they don’t come clean within a certain amount of time, you will tell. You need to protect yourself first

Post # 13
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d tell in a freakin heartbeat. 

For two reasons: 1. I would want to know that the life i’m planning is a complete and utter fraud and I need to get out of the situation before I made a lifelong error. 2. Save-The-Date Cards.

Post # 14
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Depends on my position

If I didn’t know the person personally I would probably try and get to know them so that I would be able to talk about things… especially if I still had to be around them

if I knew the cheater I would always approach them.. and tell them they realy needed to come clean.

If I was friends with the SO.. and I knew for sure that this person was cheating I would talk with my friend.

If I knew both I would first approach the cheater and let them know that if they don’t come clean I would have to let the other know.

I would do something b/c I just can’t stand by on the sidelines when I see someone I know is doing things that have consequences that would/could destroy them.

A great teaching I heard talked about “rope bags” in white water rafting and how they’re awkward, hard to use, not all that accurate in throwing it, but.. if you see if a raft starting to spin out of control… you THROW the bag!.. Even if it hits the person in the head… you STILL throw it!

I’m a rope bag thrower.. =)

Post # 15
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just hold my peace.. the truth always comes out anyway

Post # 16
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is funny I came across this thread, being that I am emailing one of my very good friends about what I think she should do with information she has received…so,

Her (my friends) fiancee’s best guy friend (and so by default her friend as well) has been dating a gal for a few months.  They seem happy, etc.  Well, this weekend, MY friend received a message over FaceBook (gotta love it) from a women who saw that my friend had tagged this guy and his girlfriend in pictures.  Well his girlfriend is STILL marrierd to the emailers brother.  And, well, that is BIG information my friend has now received.

She asks her fiancee (his best friend) if/when she should show him the message.  Her fiancee’s advice…just delete it and pretend you never got it.  Dont get involved.  If things go awry in their relationship, then he will say something?!

She emailed me today to see what I thought about his advice.  I said it was crappy advice.  A) she never asked for it, and B) now that she has it, she owes him (as her friend too) the right to know, whether he does anything with it or not.  Furthermore, if my friends fiancee was in his position, and his friends NEVER told him, how would he feel?!

Ok, so now I am venting.  I just think that as hard as it would be, if the you received information like that about someone in YOUR Life, whom you are friends with/close too/whatever, then you need to say something.  I would want to know….


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