- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
My RSVP deadline was May 1st. On the evening of May 2nd, I received an email rsvp from a 2nd cousin (dad’s side) for him, his wife and Robert. I had already received a no invitation from Robert his father, so I sighed and switched him to a yes. I then wrote back saying we were looking forward to seeing all three of them. On talking to my parents today (they were out of the country for a few days), I discovered there is Robert the father…and Robert the son. It’s more likely they meant their son Robert, who was not invited. [ETA: I assumed the father Robert in part because they copied their two siblings on the email to me.]
Here’s the issue:
We did not invite any of my FI’s cousins for space considerations because he has a ton of them, with the exception of one still living at home. (This was practical: her parents would be the ones to take his frail grandmother up to the wedding because they live next door to grandmother, and otherwise they wouldn’t be able to bring her. It was also emotional because FI felt this young cousin – separated by 10+ years from all of her other cousins, had missed out on a lot of family occassions being so young. We also see her more often than any other cousin.) We did invite my cousins, all 2 of them (one in bridal party, other not coming) and at my mother’s insistance, the 2nd cousins, many of whom I’ve met only once or twice in my life. Despite significant pressure, we drew the line at the kids of the second cousins, whom I don’t know at all. We made one exception: the 2 kids of the second cousins (mom’s side) we see on a very frequent basis and live in the area. We invited no kids at all beyond these 3 and my ringbearer, my nephew. Our friends understood that we couldn’t invite their 25 kids and none of them are bringing their kids – many of whom are much younger than Robert (guess is 14). I realize folks may think this distinctions arbitrary, but to us, they were very clear lines: those we knew and saw very often versus those we could not pick out on the street or even label in a photo we know is a family picture.
So this kid of a 2nd cousin was not invited, but I unwittingly wrote back a welcome two days ago because of a name confusion. One person won’t make a huge difference (~$100 for food), but on the other hand, they weren’t invited for a reason. Do I write back and clarify which “Robert” it is and explain the son wasn’t invited, or just suck it up*?
*I am trying to put aside my general grumpiness at giving in to my mom’s pressure to invite second cousins, because that’s a prior battle and not the current one, it’s done and over. She was wrong about the likelihood of 5 of them attending…AND we gave her 2 extra spots for their friends before this, making it 8! of their friends attending, so my side outbalances FI’s by quite a bit because he had more declines. She’s also withdrawn some of the promised financial support (which was just a portion of the overall cost).