Post # 1
I’m sorry if this is repetitive with peakay’s recent question, but…
My Fiance proposed sans ring and told me that I could pick one. But I feel uncomfortable choosing one outright, because I feel like I’m not supposed to know how much he spends on it…am I? I’ve been on bluenile.com and found some rings I loved, but I’m afraid of asking for too much. I don’t know anything about jewelry and have no idea what a "normal" ring cost is. For those of you who ring-shopped with your guy, was price an issue at all? Or did you just say, "I love this one," and he said, "Then that’s the one"?
At the time, I told him I wasn’t comfortable choosing a ring because of the money issue, but I am not a big wearer of jewelry and admit that I can be picky when it comes to a piece that I plan to wear often (or all the time!). Do you think it’s okay for me to say now, a month later, that I would actually prefer that we looked for one together? (I seriously doubt he has started looking yet)
Post # 3
I think it’s important that you are comfortable discussing money with your fiance. Don’t be afraid to ask him what his price range is.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I agree, if you’re not comfortable discussing your budget now, how will you when you’re married? Funny story about that: when we had my ring all picked out, the guy came out with the prices and tried to hide it from me and only show my bf! lol
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2008 - Oceanfront lawn and tent
Is it possible for you to choose the style/setting/shape of the ring and let him choose the center stone? That is usually the driving force behind the cost…
Post # 6
I should also mention that we *are* comfortable talking about money. We know how much the other makes, how much the other usually spends on various things, how much debt the other has (or had in the past). I am just one of those people who feels inherently guilty when anyone spends money on me (for gifts, etc.).
Post # 7
I think of my ring as something we created and invested in together. I provided the center stone from an heirloom ring, helped pick out the setting, and he paid. Would you feel less guilty if you set the price range yourself? Or maybe contributed to the cost?
Post # 8
My bf and I went shopping together for exactly this reason. We have already combined our finances but I didn’t want to choose how much money he spent on me. And I was afraid of what he would pick out without guidance. I’m not the pickiest girl in the world but when you’re talking about something I’m going to wear day in and day out it’s a little different.
He took me ring shopping and I showed him several rings I liked in different price ranges. The jeweler wrote the rings I liked down on our "wish list" so he could come back and pick from them the one he wanted to get for me. Also, that gave him an idea of my style so he had the option of buying the ring somewhere else too. He paid close attention and we even looked at different carats so he knew how big was too big and how small was too small. To make it more fun for him we also looked at mens wedding bands and at watches (he officially picked out his wedding gift..haha.. a $2,000 watch)
…Then we went accross the street to another jeweler and found the perfect ring for super super cheap and walked out the door with it.. haha.. But that was sheer luck. I highly suggest going with him. It was one of the most romantic things we have ever done together. And you want him to be part of the ring. This is the symbol of his comitment to you.
If you talk to him and tell him how much it would mean for you if he helped you pick out the peice of jewelery you are going to wear for the rest of your life I’m sure he would oblige. And then you can just leave the money up to him..
Post # 9
I understand your position Chaiankh. IN terms of finances, my fiance and I are on the same page. We know everything about each others debts, assets, income, etc. as well as what the other spends (generally speaking). But I personally think that an engagement ring is a gift and there is never a need to know how much someone spends on a gift. I have no idea what my ring cost or what its value is and it has no bearing on our openness regarding money. My suggestion would be to give your fiance picks of rings you like and then he can decide on the size of the stones, metal (ie: white gold v. platinum). This way you end up with something you love and he spends what he feels comfortable spending.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
@ChaiAnkh99 : I’m the same way about guilt. Even though I knew we could afford more, I kept trying to find the cheapest ones. He caught on though, and made me quit it.
What it comes down to is how important the ring is to both of you. Is it a lifelong sign of commitment that will someday be passed to future generations? Or is it just a piece of jewelry?
Is it more important than other things you need/want to spend money on? (The wedding, a house downpayment, a new car, etc?)
I still feel guilty about the ring cost, but I’ve been convinced that it’s worth it, I’m worth it, and I’ll wear it every day forever. Now my new quest is to get HIM interested in a more expensive ring, to ‘even things out’. Of course, the ones he likes are simple and stylish but also only cost $200 or so. I’m trying to get him hooked on some BLING, but he’s not biting. The closest I’ve come to a ‘maybe’ is when I showed him pics of Mrs. Hydrangea’s hubby’s ring – with the discreet side diamonds. Still, doubt it’ll happen… which is good for my budget but bad for my guilt!
Post # 11
Price has been an issue. I have a good idea of what he makes, but I wasn’t sure how much he could save or what he could spend without going into major debt. We talked over a general budget and went shopping armed with that. All the jewelers we visisted were great about it too – we told them up front we were on a budget and asked what they could do to help. Got lots of information on diamonds on top of all the research I did online.
Honestly, I was afraid to do all of that and really stressed over it for a bit, but I realized it was WAY better than him spending too much on a style that I hated. He’s happy knowing I will be happy with the ring when he buys it. 🙂
Post # 12
Since we set up a budget beforehand, and told our jeweler what the budget was, it was easy to pick between the stones that we were shown. They were all within our budget, so I didn’t have to feel guilty. I just indicated which one I liked best. I didn’t even know the price of the stone until after he had selected and purchased it.
Post # 13
I second Mrs. Tiramisu.
My husband (then boyfriend) went looking together. I knew I wanted something antique/estate and so we went to several stores so he could get an idea of what I wanted.
We saw several rings I loved. He made note of it and then went back on his own to pick which one exactly. The one he chose was just a setting, so it was up to him to decide what to put in it.
That way you can have a hand in picking a ring you like, but he can control the final cost.
Post # 14
My Fiance and I first looked together online at Bluenile to learn about diamonds, etc. and I showed him ones I liked. We then talked about a general pricerange. He asked me what I thought and I shared with him a range that I thought woudl be appropriate. I know that we don’t realllly want to know how much they spend, but you will probably end up learning how much your ring cost for insurance purposes.
We also went looking in person together once. I didn’t want to "pick out" my ring so just tried on a bunch and we talked about sizes, etc. I told him the ones I liked and didn’t like. At the end of the day he picked out a yellow diamond (which we hadn’t even looked at) but that I love.
You will be wearing the ring the rest of your life so I think that giving SOME input is important.
Post # 15
I agree with Tiramasu — you can definitely choose what you "like" without picking the exact ring and therefore the price. Do you want round? square? three stones? platinum? white gold? yellow gold? Good luck!
Post # 16
@ marquisemiss: Along the lines of "is it more important than" other future expenses, that was one of my first thoughts. I almost feel like the money that would go into a ring should instead go into the wedding itself, since neither of us wants to take large amounts of money from our parents for a wedding. House/car are not an issue at this point, as we plan to be living in the city (renting and rarely, if ever, needing to drive anywhere) for at least a few years.
@HumarockBride: I thought that was the best idea, just to give him some guidelines. I don’t think I even know what cut of a center stone I would want, I just know that I dislike yellow gold and that he should know that. You’re in Boston, right? (as am I) Where did you go to look at rings?
Thanks, all 🙂