(Closed) another RSVP rant

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is one week before deadline too soon to remind people to reply?
    YES : (35 votes)
    71 %
    NO : (14 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sehrler:  GULP!   Scary. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Yikes I feel your pain. You probably should have set the rsvp date for sooner. RSVP’s are always a nightmare. When is your RSVP date exactly?

    Post # 6
    Member
    5080 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    give them until the deadline.  Then check. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sehrler:  I wonder if that is the norm?  It seems alot of people have issues waiting on the RSVP’s.  I’ve just sent my invites.   I will likely be the one pulling my hair out in August.  Not looking forward to it.  I have far less patience than you, I’ll probably be on the phone to them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3476 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Hell– you’ve had a good return so far! I got less than 30% back.  

    You set a date, so you’ve got to wait. Don’t pester your guests until the date YOU picked has passed– I know it’s frustrating, but if you wanted more time, you should have picked an earlier date. It sucks but it is what it is– why don’t you spend the next week RELAXING and taking a wedding planning break before the home stretch? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    well, my deadline was June 15, and a bunch of people we invited didn’t even have the courtesy to respond either way. I find that kinda rude. We hand made our invites, used a rubber stamp, tree-free paper… you get the idea. It was unique. it arrived by snail mail. and still, some folks think that doesn’t even warrant an email, phone call, geez, even a facebook msg to say, hey, thanks for the invite but we’re not coming.

    I’ve decided to buck the tradition of chasing people down who didn’t respond and fight silence with… silence. Most of them were out of town, so I suppose if I was worried that 25 people might show up unexpectedly, I would have done it, but in my case if that happens it will likely only be two couples. And IF they come to the wedding, I will definitely make a point of going over to them at some point and saying, Wow I’m so surprised to see you guys here, since you never RSVPd! glad you come come (and where’s your gift. Lol!)

    sister, i feel your stress. but don’t let it get the best of you. Only a few more weeks left! 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @juliette.eliza:  haha… agreed. It does sound like you need a wedding planning break. i’ve taken many!

    Post # 11
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @mtnhoney:  Are you not worried that it was lost in mail?  If they didn’t acknowledge them, maybe they didn’t get one?

    Post # 12
    Member
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If you give people multiple weeks to send in their RSVPs, most will postpone it and forget. We got most of ours the week leading up to the deadline and a few days after. It will work out!

    Post # 13
    Member
    7908 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    If your RSVPs are due in one week, that’s a bit early… a month before your wedding. General guidelines are 3-4 weeks, so you will still have time to get the things done you need to do, I promise! I didn’t do most of the things you are worried about until the week before the wedding (while writing a dissertation and teaching no less). You can do it! As for bothering people, I think it’s too early, but you can always nudge your personal friends, people your own age who are more likely to forget or think it’s not a big deal because they haven’t been to a ton of weddings, planned them, paid for them, etc. They’re much less likely than, say, your parents’ friends to think you are being rude by following up so early.

    Post # 14
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I didn’t start harrassing people until about 4 or 5 days after the deadline because of the idea that maybe they mailed it on the day of the deadline. I still don’t have all the RSVP’s and mine were due 6/29. A lot never sent their card. Some people let me know after I called them. Seriously some people have ignored our pleas (phone calls, texts AND Facebook) to RSVP. I feel your pain! At this point I don’t care about the card, I just want to know who is coming. I don’t have to notify the reception hall who is coming until three days before, so I have leeway, but I just think it’s plain rude for people to keep me hanging. Like you said too I have a lot of other things that I’m doing that are contingent on the head count…!

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    14026 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Don’t bug anyone till the RSVP deadline has passed. Then you’re welcome to start calling people. 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    3266 posts
    Sugar bee

    You set the date.  It is not polite to harass people until after the deadline has passed, probably with a day or two buffer to account for mail speed.

     

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