Post # 1
Inspired by some of the gift-related threads recently:
Darling Husband sang in a choir when he lived on the West Coast, and a core part of this choir sang at our wedding. He’s known some of them since college, so over 20 years. All of the people who sang at the ceremony were invited to the reception.
While there are still some gifts trickling in, some of the choir members have not sent gifts/cards. There’s the etiquette theory of “no gift, no thank you card”, which I am comfortable with. I am also OK with the concept of “singing is a gift”, and would be happy sending thank you notes for that. Darling Husband says he has never received a thank you simply for singing (and he’s done many, many weddings). Also, these are his good friends, and while I’d hate for them to think I have no manners, I also feel like he can make the call on whether a card is necessary for them.
So basically, I can see various sides to this argument, and I’m curious as to what the other Bees would do. Would you send a card thanking them for attending and singing? Or only send a thank you note if they sent a more tangible gift/card? (For example, one of the choir folks paid for our pianist. That did get a thank you.)
Post # 3
@Frog E.: In the past, did he sing at friends’ weddings or ‘hired’ sort of weddings (even if they weren’t paid). Regardless, I’d send a thank you note, just to show your appreciation of them joining you and making your day special 🙂 — If they send a gift later, I’d just shoot them another thank you!
Post # 4
I would absolutely send them a thank you, maybe not for singing but for making your day even more special, or something like that.
Post # 5
I honestly think that sending a thank you note to people who gave a gift of a service ( in this case singing) at your wedding is a no-brainer.
Post # 6
@julies1949: Agreed. We did the same for the singer at our ceremony who did it for free but was still invited.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t send a traditional thank you card in this case, but I would send a card, to the choir (since the core part of it sang), telling them how much it meant to you and your husband for them to be a part of the wedding.
Post # 8
Definately send a thank you. I am not in the “no gift, no thank you” club. If people took the time to come they should be thanked, especially since they contributed to your ceremony.
Post # 9
@ProfessorGirl: This sounds like a reasonable compromise. I vote for it.
Post # 10
@randomequine: He’s done both; they do all the weddings and family funerals for each other, plus he’s sung for various parishioners where it was a “for-hire” situation.
Post # 11
I absolutely think you should send a thank you note. If they sang free of charge, you saved a significant amount of money (between 150.00-225.00 per musician). I’m a professional musician, and on principal, I don’t really ever perform for free (unless its a really close friend, and in that case, it would be a wedding gift), but if I did, I would absolutely expect a thank you note as it was my gift (a 150-225.00 gift is a really nice gift).
Post # 12
Sending a thank you doesn’t hurt.. I think the whole “no gift, no thank you” is kind of rude.
Post # 13
@csperry2: Just as sending a thank you for a non gift can be rude, as it can appear that you are “fishing” for a gift. Also I have hosted the guests, who should be sending me thank yous for hosting. Not vice versa.
Post # 14
I definitely say send a thank you note! Anyone who does anything for your wedding is offering a kind gesture! 🙂
Post # 15
If a friend of mine who is a talented singer came to my wedding and then did me the honor of performing to enhance my day, why would I not thank him for that? That is a gift. I don’t understand how not expressing gratitude for something can be ok. The friend who sang at my wedding sings at a lot of other weddings too but it doesn’t make his contribution to my wedding any less or mean he enhanced my day any less. The rest of the guests came and I hosted just the same but none of them enhanced my ceremony by publicly performing – he was more than just a standard guest as he gave me a non-tangible gift at the wedding.
Post # 16
@star_dust: I agree, stardust. It may not be tangible, but is a gift, nonetheless!