Post # 1
So I’m starting a new thread as an update.
i came home from work, cleaned up some stuff, and left him a note letting him know i was going to the mall with a friend from work.
i got home a few minutes before he did, gave him a kiss hello, asked how his day was, he noticed that i had cleaned up, and we kept the conversation light–i told him about the crazy thing i saw/heard at the mall, i asked how he was doing, he said “tired,” and that’s about it. He then went and sat down to do some work at the computer. Yes, the tension is thick and the obvious distance is bothering me, but maybe this is the beginning of the lifting of the weight that’s been upon us. I don’t have much to go on at this moment, and i’m hanging hope on what i’ve got.
As i take it one day at a time (the only thing i can do), the one thing i really hope for *tonight,* is that he comes to bed, and doesn’t sleep on the couch…but i just want to be so dead asleep when i go to bed, that i’m unaware whether he does or not. i’m not going to ask him about it before i go to bed, because it’s pretty clear the ball is in his court. he’s a big boy and can come to bed with his fiance if he wants to.
i truly dont know what more i can do (yes, i did get in touch with my cousin who lives an hour away and i can go there this weekend…)
Post # 3
I have been following your posts and can honestly say, I admire how strong you are being. This has to be wearing you thin. I am like you, I need to talk things out, so I can just imagine how tough this is for you. It sounds like staying at your cousins house this weekend, or even for just a night, would be a good idea. Let us know if he comes to bed with you.
Post # 4
good work! handling it really good.. step by step and good idea about contacting your cousin.
*fingers crossed it all works out*
Post # 5
Well. Guess I should’ve followed the advice not to do his laundry.
He was pretty snotty just now: “Why are you doing my laundry?”
My reply: “So you don’t have to.”
I’m biting my tongue and keeping from saying: “So I can show you I love you with actions, not words! To show you that I love you!”
Apparently he still wants to be a pissy little jerk. Fine.
Post # 6
I repeat: I’m biting my tongue.
I’m telling all of YOU he’s a jerk, I’m not responding to HIM being a jerk.
Post # 7
I could’ve replied: “Why are you doing my tax return?”
I won’t. If he wants to “get it,” he can choose to start trying, too.
Post # 8
what a tool… sorry… I wouldnt be happy with him if he spoke to me that way.. I wouldnt be saying anything to him for the rest of the night. But i guess you have to civil, you want to keep him instead of kicking him out the door and saying you were right..
Post # 9
I know you love him. But seriously, this guy is treating you like trash… I mean, he does things that show he cares, but then he says mean things. He’s got you wrapped around his finger!
I think you should definitely go visit your cousin and maybe look into a new hobby over the weekend–what’s something you’ve always wanted to do?
Post # 10
I’d call him a jerk cause he is a jerk for responding like that when you did something nice for him. Even if you guys are fighting and he is on the couch and blahblahblah… it’s still NICE of you to do his laundry. Jerk. Though I guess you’re walking on pins and needles right now. Good luck.
Post # 11
i think it’s great that you’re giving him so much space.
i know when my bf and i were going through a rough spot and he needed space, he didn’t think i was going to do it, so i’m sure you Fiance will at some point realize how incredible you are just for not being so needy.
definately keep us updated, and i’ll be sending good thoughts your way!
Post # 12
Well, I did tell him.
I said: “Hey. Look at me. I did your laundry to show you I love you with actions and not words, and to make your life easier in some way.”
Him: “Thank you.”
Me: “Why did you do my tax return?”
Him: “Because it has to get done.”
Me: “And you did it to help me.”
Him: “That’s not the point.”
Me: “Your laundry needs to get done too.”
Him: “Yes, thank you.”
He is still in a bitter angry place. I’m not going to kill myself trying to pull him out of it. I’m giving him space and I’m not doing the stuff he’s “testing” me to see if I’ll do–harping on stuff, bringing up issues, etc.
I can only do so much. Ok……it has only been 2, almost 3 days…….
Post # 13
I think getting out of there for a few days will be really helpful. He is going to misinterpret everything you do and say or don’t do or don’t say right now – and you are going to drive yourself crazy over thinking and analyzing it all….
Post # 14
Agree with Janna… you just need space! As long as the two of you are in the same space, you’re going to be tense and he’s not going to have enough of the space that he needs
Post # 15
Yeah, he didn’t come to bed last night.
We’re snowed in now too, as of this morning. At least I am. My car and tires can’t handle driving in the snow that is falling basically all day today. I don’t know if he’s going to go to work or go anywhere today. He’s still sleeping. On the couch, 3 feet away from me.
Although before we went to bed, I was emailing my godfather re: the wedding. I told Fiance I was emailing him, and he said, “Tell him I look forward to meeting him.” (at the wedding).
And yes, I had a pathetic moment this morning. After realizing I didn’t have to go to work, I came out of the bedroom, sat on the couch where he was sleeping, and said, “Why dont you come sleep in the bed?”
He shook his head no. So I kissed him on the cheek and went back to bed.
That is where we are. I am using every bit of self-control and strenght I have not to “push” him. I hope he sees and realizes and appreciates that I am respecting his need for space from me.
Post # 16
I’ve been following this too, and I’m sorry. I mean, I do think that he’s treating you with a complete lack of respect, and based on some of your previous posts, it seems like while this is the worst, it’s not the first time.
However, I know you must be hurting like crazy, and I just feel horrible that you’re going through that. It’s heartbreaking.