Post # 1
okay, so here is the deal. We know we are getting married, we are looking at houses, planning for children, etc., but here is what is driving me crazy- we casually went and looked at rings, and he said, “I want you to have final say on the ring, because I want to make sure you are completely happy with it”.. great,sure, of course. The only thing is, ever since then, we havent’ gone AGAIN!!!.. and if I bring it up, like “oh, did you want to go look at a few different places or anything this weekend (weekends are the only time we can both go due to wk schedule”.., he gets all weird and defensive, which ends up in a fight or meltdown on my part. Why in the world, would we go shopping one day, be all excited to get a ring, and then when we actually have time to go look again since he want’s me to have “final say”.. then he is like “over it” or whatever? I literally am now dreading every weekend… because I know if we don’t go, that I am just going to feel hearbroken..again.. any advice would be so helpful! Thanks for reading!
Post # 3
Hmmm I would give him some time, maybe he’s having some anxiety over the whole thing. I bet if you don’t bring it up for a while he’ll get there on his own. I know it will be hard, but you don’t want to pressure him if he’s not ready…
Post # 4
I think you need to sit down and not mention the ring but just reassure yourself that you are on the same page.
Try not to use accusatory phrasing (“You always make up excuses” “You’re stringing me along”) and instead use “I” focused phrasing (“I would feel uncomfortable buying a house without a commitment. What kind of timeframe were you thinking of for the proposal?”)
Try to approach this topic by envisioning the two of you as being part of a team trying to work together to solve the problem instead of it being you vs. him.
Be calm, be rational and try to listen to his statements without getting upset.
Huge hugs! I hope you get to the bottom of this.
Post # 5
Maybe he already picked something out? or changed his mind about you shopping with him but doesn’t know how to tell you? My Fiance wouldnt LET me shop with him, and everytime I brought up what I liked he squashed it (until it was being made, actually, then he indulged me for 6 weeks.) Maybe he just wants to be more traditional!
All of this is not to say you can’t go alone! I dragged pretty much all of my female friends shopping with me for months before I got engaged because I was dying to look and Fiance wouldn’t go!
Post # 6
@FEDORAble: Thank you! That’s really helpful advice and I think is my best bet at this point. I have told him that I won’t be putting in an offer on a house unless we were engaged(I said it nicer than that), so I know he knows where we are at.. Thanks again!
Post # 7
@bkrocks13: Perhaps! :).. thanks for the reply- it helps to talk about it here, b/c it seems if I try to talk about it with SO, it doesn’t really end up as a nice discussion :/