(Closed) Another "what is he waiting for" thread…

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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peoniesbaby :  I think you need to tell you boyfriend this.  I think you have legitmate reason to be annoyed and that should be brought to his attention.

Post # 3
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I think friends get super excited about that sort of thing and it can be hard when you’re still waiting for a proposal. Being patient IS worth it though, I’m sure he will propose soon if he’s talking about it to friends. If it is really bothering you, I’d probably ask everyone to hold any talk about weddings, engagement, marriage until you actually get engaged. I know my friends and my Fiance would be understanding of that- I think sometimes people just don’t realize at first how it can make you feel while you’re still waiting.

Post # 6
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Everyone knew about my engagement before I did.  Our families, friends, the woman who cuts my husband’s hair, his co-workers.  He was excited.  It was fun for him to plan a surprise and let others in on it.  It never crossed my mind that there was something wrong with others knowing.  Let him have his fun and attention now because it will be all about you once the ring is on your finger.  This is his time.

I think you are way over estimating how excited others will be for your engagement if you are truly worrying that this is going to put a damper on how others react to your happy news.

It’s really hard waiting and not having control over such a big part of your life.  I think a lot of your requests for friends to keep quiet is about trying to regain control vs correcting rude/wrong behavior. 

Post # 7
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Well I hope he proposes soon, it is so annoying to be waiting until he finally decides to propose =/

My friend and her bf have been together for 5 years and they got engaged two weeks ago. She told me that he actually proposed officially when they went away last month on her birthday but he proposed without a ring and now he proposed with a ring.

She waited so long to get engaged and when it happened it wasn’t official, must have been so tough for her because during that period (about a month passed since he proposed to giving the ring) she celebrated her birthday (where everyone wished her and her bf to get married already), another friend got engaged, there was family gathering (where everyone again told them that hopefully they get married soon). And all that time they didn’t say anything…
However, we were so excited once that ring was on her finger! Her fiance actually said had he known that they would get such positive reactions he would have done it earlier. Everyone is just so thrilled for them. It seems it was worth the wait. So, I know the wait is tough, but when it happens I’m sure it will awesom!

Post # 8
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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peoniesbaby :  Your friends seem kinda nosey/rude.

Let him take his time, and don’t rush him. He seems to be planning it out. And he wants to surprise you. Honestly, it’s not that long. My DH told everyone even the woman who does his hair (like pp mentioned) before he asked me, almost a year prior.

Post # 9
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My fiance was like that. He loved talking about the wedding we were going to have. I told him to put it on a shelf until he actually proposed. I’m not one for planning everything out without a proposal. If he’s that excited to plan the wedding and honeymoon then he can put some of that excitement into actually asking you to marry him. 

Post # 13
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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peoniesbaby :  Exactly. Plus, he kept getting all into these wedding ideas and I just felt that if he knew he wanted to marry me and was ready to start planning then he was damn well ready to propose. 6 months later after I told him to zip it on the wedding talk he did end up proposing. 

Post # 14
Member
13 posts
Newbee

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peoniesbaby :  ). “One of them goes ‘have you actually asked peoniesbaby then?'” At this point you answered the question for him, and then you said a friend looked at you with pity. That might have been because you came across as passive aggressive. I do not think everyone thinks your situation is sad or pitiful. Hold your head high no matter what next time, and maybe when someone asks when IT is happening, wait and see what your SO says. 

Post # 15
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee

Ugh, this would annoy me, too! A few weeks ago (about a month after we discussed our “exact” timeline) SO and I spent a Sunday doing a lot of driving and hiking. In that ONE day, SO brought up various possibilities for our wedding THREE times.

“If we get married here and have a celebration back home afterward, we’d have such and such restaurant cater, and we’d do a line of bonfires down the beach, and have my uncle’s band play, etc, etc…”

On the one hand, it was nice to see him so excited to marry me, but on the other, I definitely didn’t feel like I could enthusiastically join him in his hypothetical musings. It felt uneven and unfair to me. So that night, I just let him know, very sweetly, that I’m SOO incredibly excited to get engaged to him, and I can’t wait, but that I really want to wait until we ARE engaged to do much talking about anything wedding related. I pointed out that since the actual proposal is within his control, it makes sense that he would run ahead and start planning the steps beyond that. But for me, it’s completely out of my control and I don’t want to put the cart before the horse. 

Additionally, a few weeks ago, on a camping trip, he let the cat out of the bag to the nosey Nancy in our friend group who began grilling him upon learning that I had recently moved in with him. She asked if I “was the one,” and he said yes and she got super excited and said, “OMG are you looking at rings?!?!” And he was like, well, I wasn’t going to lie to her about it! So he told her yes, we have a timeline and are discussing the ring, etc.

I was actually glad to hear that he feels so comfortable talking to our friends about the fact that we are planning to get married, but I think that’s about as far as I want to go regarding talking about it with friends until it actually happens. I would hate for it to become this thing that people were waiting on – we all know how “waiting” takes the fun out of it! I wouldn’t want our friends to join me in my purgatory. lol (Not that it’s actually much of a purgatory for me – I’m just incredibly happy!)

But I know he’s also freely discussing it with one of his close coworkers, and his bosses know (so probably everyone else at his small company knows), and that doesn’t bother me at all. Those are “his” people, and he needs to be able to share his excitement somewhere other than with me!

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