Post # 1
Yep, i’m back with yet another moan and request for advice….
I’ve mentioned an annoying work colleague before on here. I had planned on inviting her, along with several other colleagues I work with, to the evening reception we’re having. I wish I could, but I just can’t afford to have everyone there with plus 1’s. I also can’t just invite some colleagues and not others. Some are good friends so I don’t want to exclude them either. Maybe closer to the time we may be able to extend the guest list a little but I’m not sure yet whether we can afford this especially as we’ve not invited other relatives on the basis that we have a limited budget. I was therefore hoping colleagues could come together as a group, without their partners. I’ve run this past a couple of closer colleagues and they are fine with it. I’ve done this before myself and never thought anything of it so presumed it wasn’t a ridiculous idea!
Yesterday, this lady came up to me and said ‘am I invited to your wedding?’. I said yes you are invited to the evening reception but at the moment we don’t think everyone can bring a plus one. She looked shocked and said she really has to bring her boyfriend, that she can’t come as part of a group of colleagues because she doesn’t live near them (she does drive) and that if I want, she can give me £10 / £20 as a wedding gift to help out with finances.
I just don’t know where to start to respond to her. I’m tempted to say that if she can’t come without her partner, then maybe don’t come. Nor will £10/20 go very far in terms of finances and I’m totally embarrassed by being asked if I want a gift! What am I supposed to say to that!
How would you deal with this?
Post # 3
Just tell her your venue doesn’t have enough space for people to bring +1s. Hopefully then she’ll back off. People can be so rude, you know?!
Post # 4
Awkward. I’m inviting some work colleagues and not others and I really hope I don’t run into something like this. I think it’s best to just use the generic response, “We’d like to keep the reception intimate with close friends and family only.” I didn’t give my work colleagues, or anyone for that matter, a +1 if I didn’t know the SO or they don’t live together. So not to be rude, but she can either deal with it or not come. If that doesn’t work, you could always lie about the excuse that your venue has a person # limit, but I don’t know how feasible that would be.
Post # 5
I know! When I think about how lovely other people are, I just get angry!
Only problem is if she comes alone…she’ll see there’s plenty room, just not enough money to pay for all the extra food! I wish I had done what you’re doing and said nothing to those who I don’t really want there although when they waltz up to you and ask you outright if they’re invited it’s hard to do it!
Post # 6
@ticatica: Yeah, I could imagine it’d be hard to say “Nope, sorry, you’re not invited!” But what kind of person would even come up to you and ask?! Jeez. Hmm maybe you could say something about the package you chose only feeds X # of people? I don’t know. Or just be blunt and say no, not giving a reason.
Post # 7
I think i’m gonna say nothing for a while and tell a few people closer to the time that we have money issues and then just invite close colleagues.
I keep thinking what a massive sense of entitlement people have when it comes to other people’s weddings!
Post # 8
When you address the invitation to her and explain that you have to keep it at a certain number. Unless they are paying for the entire cost of the person they need to understand. And if she says she can’t come tell her your sorry and that she will be missed. You can’t invite everyone 🙂
Post # 9
Yeah if she can’t come without a +1, well then… sorry you won’t be able to make it!
Post # 10
You don’t owe people an explanation when they try to invite uninvited guests to your event.
I’m sorry that won’t be possible. Just keep repeating it over and over.
Her: I want to bring my Boyfriend or Best Friend to your wedding
You: I’m sorry that won’t be possible
Her: but he’s my Boyfriend or Best Friend and we do everything together
You: I’m sorry but that won’t be possible.
Her: But he’s the best. He won’t even eat anything. Or I will pay for the meal
You: I’m sorry that won’t be possible.
Her: you are so mean. He loves weddings and can do a jig around your dance floor
You: I’m sorry. That won’t be possible. See you later gotta run.
Post # 11
@andielovesj: agree with this…
we only ran into more trouble when we tried to explain ourselves to people like this ^^^
They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer and better to leave it at a ‘no’ than give them an answer they can ‘fix’ by giving more money (like this person) or something else.
Some people have no wedding etiquitte. Let’s hope they get married someday and have to go through their guests asking them the same thing 😛
Post # 12
This made me laugh! But you know you’re right…..you’ve made me think i’m not gonna try to accomodate everyone and just say like it like this, or lump it. Same goes for all the others who’ve assumed they’re not coming alone!
Thank you both 🙂