(Closed) Answer as a guest not as the bride. :)

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If your fiance or husband were in a family member's wedding, do you feel like you should be too?
    Yes I do : (10 votes)
    4 %
    No, I wouldn't be upset : (226 votes)
    84 %
    No, I don't feel I SHOULD be, but would be a little hurt that I wasn't : (27 votes)
    10 %
    Other which I will explain below : (6 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My Fiance was Best Man in his brother’s wedding back when I was only his girlfriend.  Even if I had been his Fiance, I don’t see why I would have needed to have been in the wedding.

    Post # 4
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I voted other!  For our wedding party we included our siblings – my brother, and FI’s 2 sisters and brother. 

    I knew from the start I wanted to include my sister in law.  And Fiance knew he wanted to include his brother in law.

    That left one ‘sibling’ who was left out – his brother’s long term, live in girlfriend.  We decided to include her because even though we aren’t super close we did not want her to feel left out and really felt like ‘the more the merrier’.

    In your situation, I don’t think you have to include the in-laws – our case was just we were including all other SO’s so we didn’t want to create hurt feelings by leaving 1 person out.

    At my FI’s sister’s wedding this past January, she decided not to include her brothers as groomsmen (just ushers).  My Fiance was ok with it, but the other brother was a little miffed.  She made me and the other girlfriend Program Attendants.  It was nice of her to include us, but it really seemed like they were just making up jobs for us to do.  My Fiance and I would have been fine to just be guests at their wedding, but oh well!

    Post # 5
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    No, I don’t think this is generally the case.  But for me personally, I’m close to my FSILs and if one of them gets married someday I’d be a little hurt if I wasn’t included.  It’s kind of case-by-case.  You don’t sound wrong to me at all – I think the personal relationship you have is the most important factor!

    Post # 6
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I would never expect to be honored in such a high way as being in someones wedding … just because fiance is!

    It’s like fiance having his brother as Best Man … but I’m not having his (best mans) wife standing … that would be weird for me.

    Post # 7
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I wouldn’t be upset about it, especially if I wasn’t close to the person. But that is just me and I don’t get my feelings hurt that easily. I can see how some people would feel like they weren’t being included, especially if you thought you were close to that person. I would offer to do anything I could to help before and that day to make everything run smoothly.

    Post # 9
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    No I think that everyone should have who they want in their wedding party and I don’t think that you should have someone in your wedding party just because you want their SO in the wedding party!

    Post # 10
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Oops, I answered too soon. Ha, I thought your question was: if you husband/fiance were in a wedding, would you expect to be INVITED to a family member’s wedding. 

    I’d like to change my vote to “No, wouldn’t mind.”  Smile

    Post # 11
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

    Although Mr. Peng’s sister and brother are neither engaged yet, I know that they’ll be in each others wedding parties, and I am pretty sure I won’t be. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

    Post # 12
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I actually wanted to be a guest at my SIL’s wedding, however, when she asked me to be a bridesmaid I said yes cause she was very sweet about it and reallly wanted me up there.  Otherswise I would have been more than happy being just a guest.

    Post # 13
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I don’t think it’s expected just because … and it really doesn’t make sense. Darling Husband was in his cousin’s wedding, and it wouldn’t have made sense for me to be in the wedding too. Believe me, it was no fun to be “just a guest” but it was fine. When our siblings marry, it wouldn’t bother me to if he’s in his sister’s wedding and I’m not. In that case, it might be nice if my SIL included me but she and I don’t have the history the she has with her brother.

    I think you’ve made a fine choice. I hope you’re just curious — I hope these people are making negative comments about your choice!

    Post # 14
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding simply because my then boyfriend was a Groomsmen.  They just needed to even the number and knew I’d be there with him.  The bad part was that we broke up 3 months before their wedding.  So I felt awakward still being in the wedding and attending the wedding.  But the bride and groom were so sweet and made me feel welcomed the weekend of.  As it turns out I’m still their friend and he isn’t. 

    So I voted no.  I wouldn’t be upset if I wasn’t asked to be in someone’s wedding even though my man is.

    In our wedding I have my SIL as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but my brother (her husband) is an Usher.  My Fiance had his own friends he wanted by his side.  I think that’s understandable.


    Post # 15
    465 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I wouldn’t expect to be! It’s an honor for close friends and family members- but as a new member (or soon to be member), I wouldn’t expect it. If you’re dating someone in the wedding party, you already get to attend the rehearsal dinner and all that..so why the need to have a “special” role?

    Post # 16
    4466 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Nope.  My Future Brother-In-Law is getting married after us and my fiance is the best man.  I’m not in the wedding.  Same with our wedding.  Future Brother-In-Law is best man, but his fiance is not in our wedding.

    The topic ‘Answer as a guest not as the bride. :)’ is closed to new replies.

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