(Closed) Anti-gay Uncle messing with my wedding plans :(

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

First off, I had been wondering where you went so welcome back!

I’m glad your mom came around and is now coming but it sucks that now your uncle is acting like this.  His attitude would make me mad too.  I don’t really have any advice on that but at least your mom is now working to find a solution as well as coming to the wedding.  It just sucks that now it’s someone else making things more difficult.  

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you and your mom are having to go through this. I suggest contacting Adult Protective Services in your mom’s area to see what they can help you with. It doesn’t have to be an abusive situation. If you call them up and talk to them, they can let you know about resourses that can help your mom help your grandma.

Post # 5
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s awful!  I’m sorry.  Maybe your mom can try “bluffing” first and tell them that she is going to bring your grandma to iowa regardless because there’s no other option?  This would force them to make a choice and if they decide not to help, I like noritake22’s suggestion of APS.

Post # 6
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Kick his beehind. That’s my solution(;

Post # 7
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am first of all, really sorry about this happening with your family. And I am truly sorry about your grandmother’s condition–my grandmother appears to be developing it too and it’s heartbreaking. 

It’s possible that your aunt and uncle know deep down that they’re being irresponsible (and pretty un-Christian, IMHO) about not caring for your grandmother and perhaps to cope with the guilt, in their heads, they’ve somehow convinced themselves that they’re not being selfish by refusing to care for grandma, that her predicament (or yours) is just cause for the “unholy” matrimony you are planning, if you get my drift. Totally craptastic, but there’s not much you can do. 

I’d also look into elder care because unfortunately, he’s probably right–travel would be too hard on her. I know that this isn’t the best solution, but I might see about shifting things in the wedding budget to help mom pay for care. IT’d be a sacrifice, yes, but I think it’d be one that would make your wedding feel that much more meaningful. That’s my two cents. Good luck!

Post # 8
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JennyW1: “Shifting” things in the budget would likely mean having to come up with multiple thousands of dollars for that kind of care – not easy, especially given that they already are having a budget affair!

To the OP – Perhaps being directly honest with him would work. Tell him that you want your mother at your wedding, and the only way for that to happen is for him to step up and take on the responsibility of his mother. It seems like he’s been skating by for a long time on the assumption that nobody will call him on his actions, thus letting him get away with it. You’ve got nothing to lose!

As a worst case scenario, would you be able to put the $1200 you saved with the cheaper train tickets towards her care?

Post # 10
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Have your mom check the yellow pages. There should be places that offer respite care, who can help with your grandmother.

Caregivers are actually encouraged to use respite care just to get a break sometimes because caring for the aged can be so draining.

Post # 12
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am glad you are back! Missed you.  Anyway, I hope all works out with your grandmother so your mom can come to your wedding.  Shame on your uncle!  Agree with @crh1729: He needs a swift kick!! 

The topic ‘Anti-gay Uncle messing with my wedding plans :(’ is closed to new replies.

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