Post # 1
Hi bees, just got home from a family Christmas party and as always, the Fiance was super quiet and awkward with my family. You see, hes nbot always like this. Quite honestly, hes a pretty outgoing and interesting person. Its only when hes at my big family functions that he clams up and hangs onto me like a puppy.
The first few times this happened, i chalked it up to nerves (my family can be loud and goofy…and its a lot to take in), but there’s no excuse now…hes been around for 3 years now! So i tried to tell him that I would appreciate it if he’d talk a little more and show interest, because he’s going to have this family now too.
Instead of having a conversation, he got defensive and said he has nothing in common with them.
ugh! should i be mad about this….or am i overreacting (I’d put a question mark but WB hates droids and i dont have it on my keyboard on the phone 🙁 )
Post # 3
I don’t think you should be mad about this, and I do think you might be overreacting a bit. If he wants to be quiet around your family, let him be. After a while he may decide to open up on his own, if you leave him alone about it. My Fiance is quiet around my family too; it is just a part of who he is.
Post # 4
okay…thanks 🙂 i mean; its a tough crowd…my family…so yeah, maybe i should lighten up a little bit and let him do his own thing. I just know they all like him’ and I want him to feel accepted to our family as a whole.
Post # 5
My hubby’s family sounds similar to yours, there’s a lot of them and they’re loud. My family is loud, too, but there’s only a handful of them in comparison. I’ve been with my hubby for quite a while now, but I’m still pretty quiet with his family. I wouldn’t say I’m anti-social, but I’m also not as loud as some of them. Part of it is because I’m shy and no matter what I clam up in large group settings. Another part is because there’s not much to say to those that like to drink a lot and keep telling the same story in 15 different ways. Since I’m sure he already feels pressure in your family setting, I don’t think any additional pressure would help him open up anymore, in fact I think it would do the opposite. If they like him and he likes them everything will just work itself out. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
@napabridekelsey: It’s hard when Fiance & family aren’t ‘clicking’ as well as you’d like, but try not to get too cranky with him! I know it’s been three years, but honestly, the more time they spend together, the easier it’ll get for him. Mr Jag was always a quiet petal with my family, and only now, eight years (& three years AWAY!) later, have my family started commenting that he’s ‘coming out of his shell’. It’ll happen! 🙂
@Lillindy: I hear you on this! Mr Jag is quiet, but not anti-social – he’s just super quiet compared to others around him, especially family members who bounce off each other!
Post # 7
okay cool, i figured as much. i just really want them to know and see how special he is, but ill learn to be patient and let it happen naturally 🙂
Post # 8
My husband can be very anti-social, its like a disorder and it depends on his moods. Sometimes being around people doesn’t bother him but sometimes he just can’t take it, even with his own friends and family. There have been a handful of times that I have had to cancel a get-together that we were hosting because it was just a bad day for him. One time I planned a surprise get-together for Father’s Day and when he found out, he cancelled it. Another time he planned a get-together with some of our friends to come over and watch a movie then made me call everyone and cancel it. At least 50% of the functions with HIS family, he bails on and I take the kids and go, thankfully I am more easy-going but I have to admit the first couple years it was very awkward going to things with his family without him when I didn’t know them very well. Also, thankfully, they like me more because of it 🙂
It has gotten a lot better over the years, and the girls are old enough now to call him out when he has missed a couple of events. There is nothing like having his 5-year old Daddy’s girl ask him “Howcome you never come with us?” lol!
Post # 9
I know the last post was 10 months ago, but I wanted to chime in anyway. 🙂
My SO and I are both very socially awkward, and we know it. Together we can talk and hang for hours and hours without any awkwardness or silence. The first time I met his parents, I said “You are being really quiet tonight!” and his mom’s response was “really? he is always like this!” So it is pretty evident that I am able to bring out his shy-ness. Which is a pretty good sign that we are a good fit, I am the only one that he can share that much with naturally.
It does make me nervous when we go to my family’s side for visits, as I am already the odd ball in my family, and don’t really fit it, so natually, he is also an oddball at my family functions as well (I grew up in a large family, in the middle of no where, they are very loud, intrusive, conservative, redneck, etc…..all things that we are not) The first couple times he was very quiet around my family, but the more and more he is with them, the more and more he opens up. I have had the “I am concerned for you” conversation with some family members and friends, each and every time I stand up for my man, and tell them that that is just who he is, and I’m happy to have found someone like him. Although, now that we’ve been together longer, I think they are starting to see the man that I’ve fallen in love with, and not the quiet outsider that they initially saw!