(Closed) Anticipating a Proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t really know if he’ll propose until it happens. But, do you have a reason to think he won’t? Has he shown himself as untrustworthy or not likely to keep promises? If you want to spend your life with this man, then I assume that you trust him and care for him. So I wouldn’t worry about that. And if it doesn’t happen, then you should talk to him about why and decide if not keeping the timeline is something that is a deal breaker for you. But until then, don’t assume or imagine that he’ll break his promise.

I won’t say it’s easy to not count down to an exciting event like a proposal. Especially when you know it’s coming. But since it’s coming, and you trust that he will see it through, try to live in the moment. Just enjoy the dates you go on and the time you spend together with the knowledge that this person wants to spend their life with you. Try not to obsess and just enjoy dating, you’ve only got 6 months of that to go!

And about worrying about things falling into place. Life is messy and complicated. Things aren’t always perfect. So don’t stress about having a picture perfect moment. Trust that your boyfriend will figure out a plan that shows how much he loves you and that promising to spend your life together will make the actual proposal more perfect than any magazine worthy set up possibly could. And if you are not ready in 6 months to make this commitment, there’s no rush. It’s ok for things to take longer to fall into place (if that’s what you’re worried about).

Post # 3
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I think you should trust him. From your post, it sounds like he brought up the proposal proactively without you saying anything, said he had been thinking about it for a while, and brought it up in a timely manner in the context of the relationship. Men don’t say all that unless they intend to act; in fact, they come up with all kinds of elaborate excuses. You can take some increased confidence and peace from the fact that this part of your life is “figured out”, and channel the pre-proposal jitters (we all have them) into a new hobby to keep busy. I personally chose handicrafts because I found it calming to do something semi-repetitive with my hands while creating something beautiful, but I think you should choose anything that you’ve “always wanted” to do. Congrats on your coming engagement!

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I’m in the “an engagement shouldn’t be a surprise, but a proposal should be” camp. I’m not counting down to the day, bcuse I’m afarid I’ll make a production out of small events!! If you’ve discussed a timeline that you’re both comfortable with, then I would assume it would happen by then!!!

Post # 5
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’d just go with the flow – I know it’s easier said than done. If you want, start browsing Pinterest, or just keeping your eyes open for things that will interest you down the line. Let him do what he had planned to do – he was probably trying to gauge your interest, and now that he sees you’re excited, I’ll bet It happens as long as nothing changes and your relationship stays solid. Just be the woman he’s known this whole time, and be happy your man loves you enough to want to put a ring on It. 😂

Post # 6
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

My now-FI told me that he had a plan and was going to propose within a certain time frame, but I would occasionally get nervous and anxious and panicky that he was going to forget or procrastinate or not do it (honestly quite a bit fueled by some of the stories on the bee of guys leading their girlfriends on and then not proposing). I became sort of obsessed with trying to figure out his plan and I was constantly thinking about the proposal and my emotions were just a rollercoaster from completely confident he was going to do it and calm about the future to an absolute insecure wreck. 

He proposed on Christmas Eve 2017, which was 3-6 months sooner than I ever thought he would, and I immediately felt incredibly silly and annoyed with myself for making such a big deal about the whole thing and worrying about it in the first place. My Fiance was really patient and kind with me through the whole process and understood that it felt powerless and frustrating to be in the dark, but I’m ultimately grateful that he surprised me and I wish I had trusted that it would all work out earlier. I ruined several occasions by worrying about him proposing, and I definitely regret that (although I realize that I’m biased by saying that since I know at this point that it all worked out fine but there are many bees who don’t have that happy ending).

My point is — try your best to trust him, don’t let worry control you and potentially interfere with living a happy life for the next 6 months, and have faith that it’ll happen eventually! Being anxious about it really won’t change the outcome for the better, so just try to let those feelings go, although I know it’s hard. The Bee can either be a really great support community for you as you wait, or it might amplify your concerns because there are threads almost daily about women whose boyfriends have been dragging their feet and promising to propose but putting it off for years (which is of course awful and I feel so sad for them, but just because their boyfriend acted that way doesn’t mean that yours will — mine didn’t, despite my occasional panicking that he would!). If you love him and trust him, then try to just let the next 6 months happen. Picking up a hobby is a great idea, like crafting or exercising or doing something artsy. Try to keep your mind off of it and just enjoy the wonderful relationship that is leading you towards marriage 🙂 

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