Post # 1
We have two couples who used to be really close friends of ours who have fallen off recently. Both women declined to attend my bachelorette party weekend (but sent gifts) and the men, one called last minute to say he wasn’t going to my fi’s bachelor party (called the Bridesmaid or Best Man, didn’t even call my fi) and the other pretended like he never got the email. We’re all in our 30’s, btw.
Well, our wedding is 2:45 away from our hometown where these couples live, as well. They have both decided not to spend the night. Every other guest is spending the night. I even offered $50 rooms to them (including tax and all that) from a deal we got. They declined. THEN one of the girls asked our timeline for the night! She wants to know what time to tell the sitter she’ll be home. Um…tell her you’re going to a wedding, you’ll be home late!
So, I’m worried in two weeks, they are going to decide they don’t want to go through the hassle anyways and not show up. Our plates are $110 person per head. We have only 8 people at our tables (guest count is 77). If they don’t show, that table is screwed. I’m so worried.
Has anyone had people not show to their wedding before? Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
@jillocb: I had 3 no-shows to our wedding, but also 3 guests bring “Dates” we weren’t expecting, so it balanced out. It was a bit of juggling and I felt bad because those dates didn’t have place cards, etc, so it was clear they weren’t invited, but the wait staff we hired were excellent and managed to squeeze the people in next to the guest they had come with. Unfortunately no-shows are a part of weddings and even though you would never do it, it doesn’t mean everyone else is the same way 🙁
I suppose the best thing you could do is call up said friends and point blank say “My deadline for the caterer is here, and I just want to make sure your RSVP is still confirmed because I feel like we’ve fallen out of touch lately. If you’ve changed your mind that’s totally fine, but I need to let the caterer know so they can order the right amount of food, etc”.
Post # 4
We had a similar situation–our wedding was about 2 – 3 hours away from where many guests lived. Almost all the guests stayed overnight, but 2 groups (one couple, and 1 family of 5) who RSVP-ed yes but who had not reserved rooms ended up not showing. 7 people! Gulp.
I think bakerella‘s advice is good–try to get confirmation from these guests again that they are coming, and subtly reinforce to them the fact that plans are being made and food is being ordered based on their response. Normally I wouldn’t even hint at these details to a guest, but in this case–it’s worth it! It’s such a bummer when people don’t show up, especially when it seems like they probably weren’t 100% planning on attending anyway.
Post # 5
No shows are common at weddings which is why many people will tell you to low ball your final guest count by a few people. You can always pay for more people that show up, but they will never pay for people who don’t show up.
Just plan them into the seating chart, but give your caterer a number at least 4 people short of your total count in case they don’t show up.
Post # 6
I would low ball by a few people just in case. Our caterers prepared 5% more food than necessary to prepare for possible extras. The PP is right – they will not refund you for people who don’t show, but they will be prepared to charge you if they do (and will also have the extra food to handle it). Obviously, you still have to have the rentals on hand, “just in case” (ie you still have to have a physical place setting for them). But at least you wouldn’t have to pay for the food.