Post # 1
So I’ve written before about my pre-wedding anxiety and have tried to determine whether or not its me just stressing out or there is something more to it. I have suffered from anxiety for years and have always been able to handle it. However, over the last month it has been coming at me full force to the point that I have gone to see someone. I have been having this overwhelming fear that I am going to lose my fiance and the new family that I will be entering into. Logically I know why I am feeling this way and it has to do with the fact that I lost my father when I was very young and soon after my mother became very sick, she has not passed but suffers from dimentia and is not around. My sister raised me and now we’ve kind of gone our seperate ways. She is in a relationship now and we aren’t as close as we used to be. My Fiance and I have been together for over 10 years and is my family. We recently moved in with his parents to save for a house after the wedding and I actually have enjoyed the family feeling of being there. However, I constantly feel like I’m going to lose them.
With all that said and knowing why I’m having these fears I can’t seem to shake my anxiety. I have my up and down days, but I’m so scared that I’m going to feel like this on my wedding day that I start to freak out even more sometimes. When I talk it out with my fiance I feel better but then a few hours later it comes back again. I started seeing someone and it is helping me work out my anxiety/fears but I of course want fast and instant relief. Just writing this out helps me.
Post # 3
Feel free to continue writing on here about your fears and your feelings. I think the more that you get them out in the open, the more you’re going to feel better about them. I also commend you for recognizing that you should be talking with someone about this, and that’s where you’ll be able to let go of the abandonment feelings and feel comfortable in your situation.
Though you did have a lot of loss when you were younger and even as you grew older within your family, try to keep in mind that your FI has been brought into your life for a reason. His family has welcomed you in like another family member, and I think that’s fantastic! I wish you and your FI many happy years together…but definitely make sure you continue with the counseling. Over the long run, you’ll be able to learn how to talk yourself out of the anxiety and enjoy your wedding day!
Post # 4
First of all, you are doing all the right things. You realize why you feel this way, that’s it’s irrational, and you’re getting help. Great job! Keep doing what you’re doing!
And second – although I am not a big pill person, I don’t like using drugs to cure the problem – has your doctor/therapist prescribed anything for you? I had major anxiety problems for awhile and Ativan helped me a lot. I only used it temporarily and have not used it in years. But it might be nice to have on hand for your wedding day.
Post # 5
I’m glad you’re seeing someone. I’m sure you already know- but this is time to nurture that mind-body connection. You should make sure you’re working out, taking vitamin B, meditating, etc. If you do something for yourself everyday, it reminds you to calm your nerves, quiet the negative thought loops, etc.
One day at a time sister! You’ll get through this and we are here for you!
Post # 6
I feel like I keep spruiking this book on these threads, I promise I’m not the author or publisher or anything, but I do feel like this book helped save my relationship in many ways so if it works for other people that would be great. It’s called The Conscious Bride, it’s about anxiety around weddings and engagement (in the absence of any ‘red flags’ in a relationship) and I’m sure there’s a chapter or two that deals with what you are feeling. In the meantime, as you know you are doing everything right 🙂 All the best!
Post # 7
I think you definitely did the right thing by seeing someone about it and by even just opening up about it. Why you would feel that way is completely understandable – but at the same time I hope that you will find a way to turn your feelings of fear into just fully embracing the fact that you are about to officially enter into a family.
This reminds me a bit of my FIL – he lost his dad, his mom, and his sister all in the same year. His dad died of liver failure and his mom and sister both died of cancer. It had to of been devastating. He has his sister’s son that we occassionally go and visit, but for the most part my MIL’s family IS his family. I’m sure it still gets to him that on the holidays and stuff that he doesn’t have his side of the family to share it with, but I’m assuming he must have hit a turning point somewhere where he chose to embrace MIL’s family as equally his own.
Post # 8
Thank you ladies,
Its just hard to think that its takin me this many years to really start grieving my parents. I’ve always been able to look past the loss but now that I’m getting married and realizing that I’m going to start a family myself and becom a mother it scares me.
I started reading the conscious bride which helped me to realize that my doubts that I’m having about my fiance aren’t because I don’t love him its because I’m so afraid of losing him because of what I’ve lost already. Sometimes its hard for me to remember that, which gets me into a cycle about thinking that I shouldn’t be getting married. But when I talk it out with my fiance he always makes me feel so much better. Yesterday we went to look at a sample of our flowers and I was super excited I know he’s the one!! I just want to get through this without hurting our relationship.
I just began therapy so I’m hoping that it really helps. I do have medicine from the Dr. but I only use it if I’m having a really bad day. I try to not to use it too much.
and thanks again ladies for listening!!!