Post # 1
Darling Husband is having a lot of stomach problems right now and is having a colonoscopy and endocopy this weekend plus he is meeting with an allergist and a psychologist to see what is causing all his issues. He keeps lossing weight because he is always in the bathroom and things.
The past few days he is feeling really dizzy and constant feeling of being hungry not matter how much he eats. He is scared to drive and has a really foggy feeling.I seriously think he is just having some anxiety and really fits this discription http://web4health.info/en/answers/anx-generalized-anxiety-syndrom.htm
I am not sure if he is really “sick” or if he is just suffuring from anxiety.
I am not sure what to do. i am so worried about him but it is getting super annoying constantly listening to all his theories of what is wrong with his stomach. etc. He is a consultant and keeps missing work (he only gets paid if he goes to work, hourly). And on days he has been doing to work he doesnt show up until like 12-1pm. I am so scared that he is going to loose his job. We are in the process of buying a house and everything. Plus loosing his job would just increase his anxiety issues. not to mention these thousands of dollars of doctors bills that we will be getting in the mail soon from all of this…
I am trying to be as supportive as I can but its getting harder the longer this goes on. I just want to tell him to man up and go to work and tough it out. Is that awful of me or what? I am not the type of person to miss work because I am sick, even though I have a lot of PTO and stuff. DH is a VERY smart man, very smart. However, we dont share the same work ethic and it is just really starting to get to me…
I think there is a difference between supporting someone and babying them. I feel like if I keep letting him miss work and stuff I am babying him. But then again what if we find out there is something seriously wrong? I would be heart broken, obviously. And than feel bad for making him go to work, etc.
I just got a little tough with him on the phone about it. I am just so frustrated and scared. I love him more than anything in the world and I want him to be happy and healthy.
Post # 3
i just reread this post and I am seriously balling right now. I am not sure if its because I feel so guilty for feeling this way, because I am so stressed or because i am so worried about him.
I am just not sure what to do…
Post # 4
I will just continue to talk to myself on here, if you dont mind 😀
I kinda just realized that I have a lot of stress in my life right now:
1. what is going on with Darling Husband
2. I am in grad school (full time) and am already in my demanding career
3. Am overweight and am constantly worrying about it. CONSTANTLY. Trying to go to the gym. what can I eat, etc?
4. finding time to keep up the house and chores while trying to take care of sick Darling Husband and school and work
5. financial stressors
6. stress of buying a house
7. my sister, who was always my best friend has been an alcoholic for some time. She calls me/emails me drunk and says really awful stuff. Its really awkward between us and very difficult to deal with. she is asking for money and stuff too. I want to help her but dont know what I can do. I am 300 miles away too.
8. my other sister has a toddler and her Fiance (father of her baby) cheated on her and is back into drugs. he just got arrested (his third meth charge) and will be gone for a long time
9. my dad is having serious health issues and they found spots on his lungs. My grandma died from lung issues.
There is a lot going on right now…I feel really sad and overwhelmed right this second. I do very well handling stress but I think I am just caving into my emotions right now…
thanks for listening
Post # 5
sorry, double post. what is up with wedding bee today?
Post # 6
I understand you’re frustrated, but I think it’s a bit insensitive to tell him to just suck it up. I’ve had friends with IBS, I’ve had periods of my life with stomach issues, and it’s really awful. IBS especially, I’ve had friends go to the ER for. Serious stomach issues are not the same as a cold, you’re comparing apples to oranges. Hopefully the appointments will sort things out.
I am so sorry for all the things you’re going through right now. That would make anyone feel like they’re at the end of their rope. I only had to deal with half the things on your list this year, and I had a lot of trouble dealing with it. I don’t know what to tell you, but there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling right now. You’ve got a lot going on, and it’s more than most people can handle. Things will pass. You’ll be able to get through it. Once they pass, life will be better, and you’ll be able to take care of yourself. In the meantime, maybe just devote 15 minutes a day to something that gives you a sense of peace? Maybe a walk, bath, meditation, hypnosis, yoga dvd, something like that?
Post # 7
@abirdword: thank you so much for your post! now that I am past my breaking point that I was at a few hours ago…I realize that you are right. I am not frustrated with him but everything going on. I want to make it clear that I have been taking care of him very well. And it was not until today that I kinda just told him that since he is not getting better he needs to have a meeting with his boss. He called me from the parking lot at work before going in. I was a little harsh with him and feel bad. I will apologize to him tonight when he gets home. Thanks again…
Post # 8
I’m so sorry to hear all of this, you really are going through a lot. I couldn’t imagine how tough all that must be.
It’s very easy to go ahead and say “be more supportive”, but I can imagine how hard that must be. I understand how you feel, as I don’t have a lot of patience and I would be very worried about your husband’s job, and of course his mental and physical health.
Honestly, I think it would be good if you could take some time and see a therapist. You’re already seeking out advice on weddingbee, which means you want to and feel the need to talk about these issues, and a liscensed therapist will certainly know how to lead you in the right direction.
I wish you the best! Stay strong.
Post # 9
@September29: thank you for your honest and helpful response. I actually have always felt I had a great need to see a therpist. I guess I am embarassed to admit this to Darling Husband or anyone else that I am close with. As sucky as all these things are that I am going through right now I have been through a lot worse, unfortunatly. I know there is a lot of things that happened in my past that I NEED to talk to someone professionally about. I hope that one day I can have the strength to do that. But, to be honest I dont see myself going to a therpist any time soon. Its way to painful and difficult to relive those things. Even though I do know its something I should do and probably should have done a long time ago.
I just so happen to be on PTO all next week because Darling Husband and I had plans to go to Florida on vacation (which we obviously cancelled). I am planning to take this time to get caught up on things and take care of Darling Husband and running around to apts with him. It is a much needed “vacation”…..
Post # 10
As someone with stomach issues AND generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), I feel the need to comment 🙂
I totally understand that it can be overwhelming for the SO of someone with anxiety OR stomach issues to deal with it. However, if you truly believe that it’s anxiety that’s causing a lot of the issues with him, telling him to “man up” and not to think about it isn’t the greatest thing. It can cause resentment and embarassment. The thoughts that come along with GAD aren’t necessarily something I want to think about – i.e. my Darling Husband dying – but they occupy my mind at times. I CAN help how I handle them, but not if they pop into my head.
My suggestion would be to sit down with him and tell him that you want to be supportive, but you’re not sure how. I have truly found comfort in therapy to teach me how to handle things, since life keeps happening whether or not you’re ready for it. He may not be open to it, but it may be a great thing for him if it’s really anxiety that’s causing issues. It could be a great help for you too! 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 11
Wow, you are under an extreme amount of stress right now. Please go to the doctor to see if s/he can refer you to a therapist and perhaps prescribe something for the short term (if you don’t mind taking meds). I hope things get better for you. It’s really hard to deal with even minor things when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Big hugs for you hun!
Post # 12
It’s all going to be okay.
I am sure your fiance knows that you are going through a lot but he might not realize that him talking about his stomach stuff is causing you more stress. Perhaps let him know of this while being supportive. “I will go to the doctor with you so that we can remember to ask all the questions, for tonight though, why don’t we just relax and not worry about it.”
My Fiance and I are Gluten Free so that might be an option. On the plus side if you both decide to go gluten free it is a great weight-loss tool. No bread, pasta, cereal etc. I gained weight only because I had been so sick before from eating gluten.
Just remember that your fiance is your partner and what affects you affects him and vice versa. You guys are in this together and that is a comforting thought.
Post # 13
I second the suggestion of going gluten free. If you want an explanation of why this might help, read Wheat Belly. I know it sounds extreme, but gluten has been linked to digestive issues AND anxiety. What’s the harm in trying?
Post # 14
Ah, sweet girl, I’m very sorry that you’re going through all of this stuff right now!
I really don’t have any advice other than to keep the lines of communication open with your Darling Husband. I know I’ve gone through periods where DH’s actions have frustrated and me and I’ve just wanted to smack him around until he got his head on straight. In the end, talking to him helped a lot. I encourage you to share your frustrations with him, maybe it will take a little bit of weight off your shoulders.
Post # 15
You said your in grad school… Free Counciling! If olny to talk to someone.it helps.
Has your Darling Husband been to the Doctors? I would say be supportive untill his tests are back. If he’s AOK then its time to put the hard-ass hat on. Till then, Talk with him about how you are feeling, and see if he could try and go to work a few hours early and then leave early. most employers are more understanding if you are there on time, but have to leave if you are ill/ something is wrong with you.
good luck dear
Post # 16
I have GAD and it’s pretty horrible. I also have lupus, so it’s hard to say if lupus has caused the GAD or if I’m just that unlucky. Either way, you are going through an incredible amount of stress yourself and I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes right now. All I can say is try to stay patient with Darling Husband, he is probably very sick and scared right now and probably needs all the support he can get. Anxiety can do some awful stuff to your body, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some other reason behind his illness. Don’t lose faith in him though!