Anxiety about DH's new job.. advice?

posted 2 months ago in Career
Post # 2
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

kmbumbee190618 :  I would ask if that counselor has a cancellation list so you can get in sooner

Any major life change is going to cause anxiety. It’s totally normal.

Anxiety disorders magnify the normal anxiety by like a thousand. I was looking for my current job for about six months using two recruiters and job sites. When I got hired, I became so anxious that I started throwing up and had no appetite. That’s my anxiety go to, my appetite disappears and while I don’t throw up as much anymore, I get the other gi upset.

A counselor will help you find ways that work for you to maintain your anxiety levels. They do sound pretty heightened, above an average level of anxiety.

Self talk helps me out A LOT. Also just knowing and accepting that I’m having a hard time helps me. When I get obsessive thoughts or loud noises make me jump out of my skin, or my heart starts to race, or I start to think “omg husband didn’t answer the text I sent a few hours ago, he’s been killed in an accident and I’m the widowed mom of a three year old” I see it, I acknowledge it, and I think… WOW, it’s going to be one of those days where my anxiety is heightened. I’m going to focus on keeping my thoughts under control and I’m not going to make any major life decisions until I feel better.

You know that you’re anxious and you know that your anxiety is at an unreasonable level. Keep telling yourself that your anxiety is heightened and do things that relax you.

Also, deep breathing exercises. Deep breaths in through your nose and slowly out of your mouth slow your heart rate and can put you in a calmer state. Do them when you’re lying in bed before falling asleep, take a few deep breaths throughout the day, and take those deep breaths when you feel like you can’t get out of your own head

Post # 3
1257 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t have anxiety to the same level as you, but I have been through significant life changes in the last 12 months (moved continents, bought a house, SO changed jobs, I transferred to a new office, got pregnant…) so I can tell you what worked for me when I started getting stressy about not being able to plan/predict everything.

1. Mindfulness / light meditation – I used the Headspace app. It was helpful for regrounding me in the moment and helping me acknolwedge concerns/fears without emotionally reacting to them

2. Repeating the mantra “Cross that bridge when you come to it” – I’d remind myself that not enough information was currently available to make a decision. Knowing what information was missing was helpful because then I would say “Once we know x, y, z then it’s time to cross that bridge”

3. Reminding myself that SO and I have the core skills to navigate changes. In combination with (2), I’d remind myself “Well if X happens, SO and I will sit down together to look at the budget and what needs to be jiggled there” (as an example about expense stresses). 

4. Becoming aware of potential solutions for most probably scenarios. What if our commute keeps us out of the house for 8+ hours? check dog walking services. What if we can’t find a house in the first 3 months we’re back in the US? Budget out extended accommodation options.

Change is always scary – but stay confident that you have the life skills, relationship skills, and problem solving skills to navigate change even if you don’t know exactly what it will look like!

Post # 4
484 posts
Helper bee

Make a list of all the positive things associated with your husband’s new job, no matter how small.  When you start hyperventilating and your brain starts churning, pull that list out and keep reading it out loud while taking deep breaths.  Add new things to the positive list as they come up.  Think of ways the new schedule will make things better for you.  Basically, every time you start fretting, dsitract yourself by forcing your brain to only think about the good things.  That can help to push out the anxiety.

Another trick is to schedule time for your anxiety.  Don’t laugh!  It works!  Pick an hour where you can just sit there and let your anxious thoughts out, say them out loud.  When that hour is up, you get up and do something else.  If anxious thoughts intrude during the day, stop, remind yourself that you have an hour at 6pm (or whatever) to worry about it, but NOT NOW.  Over time, gradually reduce that hour to 55 minutes, 50 minutes, 45 minutes, etc., until you don’t need it anymore.

Post # 6
886 posts
Busy bee

How is this job turning your life upside down? Is he working a totally opposite schedule than you or in a dangerous position or something?

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