(Closed) Anxiety about name change – what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: If you felt the same way I do, what would you choose your legal married name to be?
    Do what you want! - Jane Mary Doe Smith : (79 votes)
    75 %
    Too wordy! Cut out your original middle name - Jane Doe Smith : (11 votes)
    10 %
    Take the plunge and leave out your maiden name! - Jane Mary Smith : (13 votes)
    12 %
    Other - explain below : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 32
    305 posts
    Helper bee

    do you have a maiden name that could be used as a first name for a boy or girl child you might have? i have seen this done before. that way you can still honor your maiden name if you choose to take his name.


    Post # 33
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I have 4 names now, the ones on my birth certificate.  First Name, Middle Name, Dads last name, Moms last name.  I have always had them all showing on my drivers license, passport etc but usually only use them in the ‘initial’ box of forms I fill out.

    Most things that you sign or need to write out your name for you don’t need to use your middle name, if you don’t hyphenate your maiden name with your married name you can use it as a second middle name instead and only put it on government papers etc.

    Post # 33
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    stupid duplicate!! 

    Post # 34
    2155 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That’s not too lengthy at all! I have two middle names as it is, and I love it and don’t find it too long.

    Post # 35
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I made mine First Middle Maiden Married. It’s actually been very helpful throughout the name change process because at this moment in time my wallet has severe multiple personality disorder. :). I don’t think it’s too long at all, I usually just sign things First Married and have remained First Maiden at work.

    Post # 36
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i didn’t read the other respones, but i’ll tell you want I did, and what I wish I did: I didn’t want to drop my middle name since it’s my mom’s maiden name– I wanted to have all 4 names, bc like you, I wanted to add my dh’s name for future children purposes. I don’t regret that. I have 2 last names now: so Jane Johnson Doe Smith. I WISH I’d hyphenated, like Jane Johnson Doe-Smith– having 2 last names is SUPER complicated, like some credit cards don’t have enough room in their format for both, etc. Socially people often just refer to me as “Mrs Smith,” which is fine with me, but I don’t think a hyphen would change that either. I thought about having 2 middle names instead of 2 last, but the NY DMV wouldn’t allow me to change my middle name without a court order when I brought in my marriage certificate (which only had my maiden name on it). so I went with 2 last, and seriously, seriously wish I’d just hyphenated. I’d change it again but it’s too much of a hassle to think about!

    so I voted other: I’d hyphenate.

    Post # 37
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I still have no clue what I’m going to do. I’m very attached to my name (I’m the only person in the world according to Google with my first and last combined!) but I love my FI’s last name and I’d really like to have the same name as our children. I still have a couple months to decide I guess…

    Post # 38
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My name is now:  Becky Middlename Maidenname Married name.

    My banking statements say:  Mrs. Maidenname Marriedname (no hyphen)

    I go by Becky Marriedname.


    It works awesome for me!  I’m glad I didn’t hyphenate, although I find myself saying “I have a double last name without the hyphen.”

    Post # 39
    11461 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I was extremely attached to my middle initial, and I originally hoped to do what you are proposing to do — Jane Mary Doe Smith (with Doe as a second middle name, not one of two last names) and go by Jane M. Doe Smith.  However, in the state were I was living when Darling Husband and I married, the motor vehicle administration would no longer allow women to have more than three non-hyphenated names on their drivers’ licenses. 

    So, I had to decide between Jane M. Smith or Jane Doe Smith. Although I struggled with my decision, I ultimately realized that I really could not imagine letting go of my given last name.  And, since I knew that Jane Doe Smith is the formal, traditional manner in which women historically have changed their names in the U.S., I decided to go that route. I officially am now Jane Doe Smith, and I absolutely LOVE my new name! I am SO glad I made this choice!

    Post # 40
    6 posts
    • Wedding: December 2006

    I will never understand the hyphenated name thing, it’s so goofy. I kept my maiden name b/c changing it to your husband’s is an outdated tradition which is completely unnecessary.

    People who hyphenate their names seem like women who are partly trying to maintain their independence and just can’t make up their mind.



    But ask yourself- would your husband change his name????

    Post # 41
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    hmmm… just my two cents here…

    but why do your kids automatically get your husband’s last name? YOU will carry them for 9 months, nurse them, raise them, maybe they could take YOUR last name.

    I was given two middle names at birth, so I’ve always had four names, and they are staying the same after I get married, I’m not changing my name, and the child I hope to birth will have my last name.

    you can legally change your current maiden name to become your second middle name if you want to. why not? do what you feel most confortable with!


    Post # 42
    1116 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    I did the 4 name thing, but moved my maiden name to a second middle name legally.  It’s the norm for all the women in my family.  So without middle names, I just have a short 2 word name that I use for the majority of life purposes. 

    Just a heads up though that a lot of forms only have one spot for an initial.  So a fair amount of my paperwork doesn’t include my second middle name (which is my maiden name).  But when I can, I use both middle initials.  I’ve never run into a problem.

    I figure you can give a kid multiple middle names when they’re born, so why can’t I choose have multiple middle names now?

    Post # 43
    226 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2007

    I never changed my last name after getting married.  If the name has special meaning to you then you should follow what your heart tells you to do.  There is nothing wrong with that. 

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