Post # 1
I got married about a month ago and have been having the worst feelings when I think back on the day. It’s not normal for me to reflect so much and be so critical on something that’s over. I’ve also never had issues with anxiety.
Nothing catostrophic happened on that day. I lost some weight leading up to the weddding and didnt have time to get it altered again. Because of that, I was pulling my dress up during the reception (strapless dress) but it didn’t stop me from having fun(we had a BLAST at the reception) and I didn’t even think anything of it until afterwards. I messed up a little on our dance (that we practiced for weeks…months) but everyone said they loved it. We didn’t get all the pictures we wanted but we’ve already decided on a resolution.
I guess the dress thing gets to me because I feel like it made me look ill-prepared. Some people did notice me messing with my dress and said something, mostly out of concern and hoping I was okay. The dance gets to me because we practiced so much. I know this sounds silly, but can anyone relate? How did you get over picking over and beating yourself up over the tiniest things? Is this normal?
Post # 2
I’ve not had my wedding yet, but I’ve had this happen to me about other things. You just have to realize that no one else has examined it like you’re doing. You’re just overanalyzing an important day in your life, but if you had a good time that’s all that matters in the end.
Post # 3
Not silly at all, I totally feel your pain. You are not alone and this is totally normal. Much more common than brides admit I think. I had a super small ceremony, basically an elopement with our two childhood best friends and my mom. We did it overseas in Bali, which was beautiful, but made the few details I had to figure out much more difficult. And omg I have beaten myself up so badly over almost every decision.
If you’re curious about specifics, I made the mistake of hiring a hairdresser/makeup artist when I should have done it myself (I kept thinking, hey, if there’s any day to have my hair professionally done this should be it!). Sadly my hair looks significantly better on a random weekday than it did at my wedding. She made it look greasy and frizzy and ugh I still cringe at all the photos. My makeup was too heavy and I had to wipe most of it off. She also lied about timing issues so she could squeeze in another wedding after mine which totally threw off the whole schedule of the day. My dress was pretty in some angles and really unflattering in others and was generally kind of difficult to wear with some fit issues I thought were resolved. The flower person was an absolute joke. She showed up with orange wilting flowers (I ordered pink roses) and everything was package taped together. All of these vendors I spent MONTHS searching for and deciding on.
The day itself I didn’t care about any of these things! I was so happy and in love and the vows were so sweet and there were so many happy tears…but the regret afterward nearly killed me. I would wake up with panic attacks (or sweet dreams that I had a do-over lol) and I would cry like a pshycho about it. I didn’t even want to wash or style my hair because it would make me think “oh, this is how I should have worn it on our wedding day.” I think, honestly, I felt embarrassed. Like I had ruined the most important day of our lives and every photo of it with these pety things. The ONE day I couldn’t do over dammit. It was like extreme wedding shame.
What helped a lot was reading posts on here about others who had regrets about their day and realizing NO wedding is perfect: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/please-share-your-biggest-regrets-incl-photos/. Plus, no one else has the same critical eye about your wedding as you do. I think about how I never notice those details about other people’s weddings, I just remember they looked beautiful and happy and I was happy for them. That’s how all your loved ones feel! In fact, think back to the last few weddings you’ve been to, could you describe the bride’s dress in detail? Or the couple’s first dance for that matter? Probably not. You just remember the love and happiness of the event. And if you were happy and having a great time, so were they! Their memories will reflect that.
Time makes it easier. So does gratitude. I wrote down a list of every part of the day I loved and reread it when I feel critical. I also think about how lucky I am to be marrying a man who thinks I’m perfect and beautiful even when I feel the opposite. Think about wedding problems that would have been much worse (getting sick on the day of, drama at the wedding, embarrassing speeches, having no photos of the day, marrying the wrong person lol). I’d say if those 2 things were your weddings biggest hiccups you fared wayyy better than most weddings. Those hitches won’t bother you one day and may even make you laugh. I know it’s just hard to get over when we’ve spent so much time trying to make things perfect…but you will.
Sending you hugs!! xo
Post # 4
Thank yo so much! It helps to know that what I’ve been feeling isn’t completely uncommon. I think I’m getting a little better with time, and the tips you gave have been helping as well.
Post # 5
You are not alone. I had this feeling as well, I think 4 months after our wedding when I started going through the raw professional pictures. That’s when I really noticed that there were a lot of flaws in my wedding, especially in the fitting. It can really be seen in some of the photos.
In our country, it was normal to have the wedding gowns tailor-made. My designer sort of rushed the finishing of my dress. I did not see the final output until the wedding day. On the day of the wedding, when I saw the dress, I felt a bit disappointed but since the day was full of happiness, I just ignored the feeling. It was only after the 4 months when I felt sadness to the point that I was getting sleepless nights. I even cried about it. Maybe a part of it is because I’m a perfectionist so I can see flaws even if they’re small.
I think I’m ok now but there are still times when I feel sad. My husband keeps re-assuring me that my dress was beautiful. Bees here are also very helpful in my “recovery” because they did like my dress as well.