- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
Been a little while since I posted on the Bee. But today I think I need it.
I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, to the point that I’m in counseling. I function, for the most part, but since moving to the PacNW from the South, I get pretty bad seasonal depression to boot. Especially if the weather is bad during months that have for a majority of my life been extremely hot. I’ve tried to supplement with Vitamin D but it hasn’t worked. Usually the really nice weather comes after July 4th for us here, but it’s pretty rough for me until then. Yesterday was particularly bad, and it wound up leading me in kind of a weird head space.
I got sick earlier in the week before work and wound up getting a chance to make up a few hours I missed and then some, plus tips. I was willing to sacrifice a Saturday morning for that. I worked through my shift and by the time I’m getting ready to leave for home, it’s pouring pretty badly.
I meet up with my Fiance at our local market, we pick up a few things, and I’m just aching to go home and relax.
Quick Necessary Sidenote:
I’ve been trying to nail down this amazing B&B in New Orleans, where I was born and raised, for a few months. It’s been pretty much just me communicating with the planner and B&B owner since my Fiance has been swamped with work. Originally when I presented the idea to him, I looked at how much it would cost to get ALL of the rooms (7 total) at their most expensive rates just to see the number. Even with the reception and ceremony fee, the security deposit and all of the restrictions the owner has (it’s kind of a historic house), I thought it was still a pretty good deal and would be nice for a few of our close Out of Town friends and family. We’d really only been waiting to get a contract drawn up because we hadn’t seen it in person yet, and were planning on making a trip to visit. That hasn’t been able to happen due to work conflicts on my end, and it’s looking like it may be a little while. So I had my planner go take a ton of photos and video for me.
Fiance thought it would be better to have it just for the reception as we’d planned to have our ceremony in City Park in the first place. As I talked it over with my planner, she and I made a few logistic decisions, and ultimately came up with a grand total of fees for the reception, ceremony, and two rooms for the wedding party to change and hang around in until the zero hour, as well as for us to stay in. I ran this over as well as viewed the videos with Fiance the night before last and we both agreed that it was a great idea. He’s the kind of guy who LOVES to haggle, so I figured he’d be able to get us a fairly good discount no matter what we got, because he’s kind of magic like that. We asked our planner to start talking to the owner about drawing up a contract.
Back to yesterday after I got off of work. As we’re leaving the market, he tells me that we should look into getting the entire B&B because he spoke with a couple of friends, who are married, and have been awesome friends. They are wonderful people, but the wife and I have kind of butted heads over some of my events before, particularly an important birthday of mine, that I still kind of feel she hijacked. We’ve talked it over before in the past, and we’ve got it resolved, but I was still kind of wary because she can be a little bit of a control freak, as she has admitted, and gotten slightly better. Between all of these emotions, plus the weather, I was not well…
So when he brought this up to me, I cut him off because I was frustrated and pissed, because I thought I’d gone over ALL of this with him THE DAY BEFORE! And the fact that it came (mostly) from her made me doubly pissed, because he agreed that her actions in the past were in pretty bad form, but came from a good place. I kind of felt he went behind my back. (All complete cray-cray-ness, I know now).
The Weird 180 Part: When I finally calmed down and we were able to actually talk to one another, I told him how I felt and he told me what happened in full. He called the husband to ask about some video game and the three of them wound up talking on the phone about our upcoming wedding plans. The wife mentioned that when they got married in Hawaii they got a pretty good discount on rooms for their families.
When my Fiance mentioned that we’d love to but we just wanted to have a nice wedding in-budget, they both replied that we should not have to foot the bill, and that no matter how much it costs, they, and any other of our friends here would be more than happy to help us cover it, no matter how much it costs. Because they love us, think we’re awesome, and couldn’t be happier for us.
I was in one of the most confused states that I think I’ve ever been in; immediately I started crying, mostly out of embarrassment and shame for acting like such an asshole. But then it was out of an almost painful sense of happiness. I haven’t had a lot of stable friends (and in some cases family) who were always there for me and supportive of me and the things I think are important. Especially when it comes to money, which has been the most stressful aspect of this entire wedding from Day 1 for me.
It’s completely foreign to me to even think about expecting someone to pay for this beautiful room, as well as a plane ticket, dress/tux, and everything else included in a Destination Wedding. It’s partly needing to be polite, but mostly because I’ve not had people come through for me when it comes to finances. So even when someone says that they would happily pay for this room, part of me is incredibly skeptical. And even if they do, what about others who can’t afford it, or may possibly get mad that they have to pay for the room on top of everything else?
Anxiety can be just… overwhelming. With this situation, even though I was initially diffused, I still feel so nervous. And I’m trying to be more open to the fact that most of my friends here are much more fiscally responsible than some of my other nearest and dearest. But I guess my mind is always going to wait for the other shoe to drop, because it always has.
Anyone else have something like this going on upstairs?