- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I’m really stressed. My stepmom found out my SO and I had sex. She flipped. She guilted me, yelled at me, and told me I was a slut the night she found out.
Now she just continuously tries to lecture me everytime I go home to visit. She can’t even see my SO and I sitting next to each other holding hands without assuming we’re thinking about ‘sinning’ again.
I am the only one of my siblings who is going to college, and as far as I know, none of the other siblings want to go. Our family is extremely conservative and christian, but I feel like I can’t even go home without being judged.
I still consider myself Christian. I just have different beliefs than those that my parents taught me. The time away from home has given me time to think and feel for myself and develop my own beliefs. My stepmom is extremely overbearing. If someone disagrees with her she gets shout-y. I panic in arguments. I’m fine with calm cool debates, but panic in arguments and start crying.
Now my parents want me and my SO to come to them and apologize for what we did. I don’t think we did anything wrong. Maybe we went about it in the wrong way, maybe we did it too soon into our relationship (3 months) but I do not regret being intimate with him.
I don’t know how to say, “Listen, I don’t believe the same way you do anymore. I respect your beliefs, but if you continue to treat me like a harlot, I will have to cut you out of my life.”
If it weren’t for my stepmom, I could say this with no trouble, and a calm discussion would ensue. But my stepmom will call me all sorts of names, tell me I’m going to hell (she has before for lesser things) and turn the rest of my family against me.
My dad is torn, as I was born outside of marriage with my dad’s first wife. He is much more understanding.
The funny part is, both of my parents (actually all four, including my stepparents and my biological parents) love my SO and all agree that he and I are amazing together.
I’m just so anxious. They want to meet with us. They want us to apologize to THEM! But I didn’t have sex to spite them. I had sex because I found a man I loved and could see myself with in the future.
I just don’t know how to handle this. I feel like I’ll lose my family one way, or lose myself the other way.
And I just worked too damn hard to find myself to lose that.