(Closed) Anxiety *LONG, sorry*

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013


Hopefully writing that all and getting it out there helps. My Fiance struggles daily with depression and anxiety attacks like you described and the best thing that helps him deal with it is knowing that someone is there for him. I can tell when an attack is coming on now so we usually sit together and try and talk him out of it. It works to say “My name is _____ and I am in control!” Which sounds funny but it does help. Is there someone (FI, a family member, a friend etc) who you can talk to and explain and just ask them to be there for you?

Also I’d advise going to therapy sessions at least for a little while. They often can give you strategies to help handle the attacks as well as help talk you through things that upset and trigger them.

I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time. Just know you’re not alone and it’ll be okay in the end. xx

Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@vanilla frosting: First and foremost ((Hugs))

Secondly, I think the course of treatment your doctor suggested sounds good. Talking these things out can really help, and the xanax for acute attacks should help too.

You have dealt with a lot in your life already and there may still be some things you need to work through.

I just want to wish you the best of luck and commend you on being so strong thus far. Just remember when you go and talk to a therapist that is it ok to have negative thoughts and it is ok to be weak sometimes, you just need to figure out where all these feelings are coming from.

As someone who has dealt with panic attacks, I want to wish you the best and hope they subside soon.

Post # 4
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just want to wish you the best of luck! Honestly you have a ton going on so I’m not really surprised you are going through all of this anxiety stuff. Big life changes like getting married definitely trigger that, especially on top of everything else.

I get anxiety a lot, and I found that once I realized panic attacks can’t actually  hurt you, they subsided a bit. I also find that sometimes it helps to say a quick prayer or to just distract yourself and do something else. Usually if I start freaking out, doing something like cooking shuts my mind off. Also, thinking about your kids is definitely a projection of the anxiety, not an actual worry. And with the Xanax, I think it helps short term to take that but really probably therapy or just working through your stuff on your own is better- Xanax is a bandaid, not a real solution, IMO. I think it’s best when used to subdue yourself in small, isolated situations- ie, I take it to chill out on a plane ride (terrified of flying), but if I have general, long-lasting anxiety related to something, like the life change of getting married, it’s not so helpful. That’s just me though!

anyway good luck and hang in there! everything will be okay!

Post # 7
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling stressed, but you should definitely know that you are not alone! You have a lot of things on your plate, and the feeling of being overwhelmed commonly triggers anxiety or panic attacks.

I cannot tell you how much therapy can help. I elected against professional therapy for financial reasons, but I’ve found that talking things out with someone I trust (my FH of course) has really helped me. I’ve had anxiety for about 10 years now, but it all came to a head about 2 years ago when it became oppressive. It can be very scary and it can definitely be exhausting. Taking the time to enumerate your feelings out loud to someone you trust (or even to yourself if you are alone) can get taxing, but it is worth every effort. I have adivan for anxiety attacks, or if I feel like all of my stress is coming to ahead, and it does help.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel! If you start to feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to take a break. Take a day to yourself to “turn off your brain” and not get involved in all the things that are worrying you. It might push back your timelines a little bit, but it is worth your sanity.

Good luck and feel better soon πŸ™‚

Post # 8
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@vanilla frosting: It’s no problem. I only know that for Fiance it’s been HUGE having someone there for him that doesn’t think he’s making it all up or something. Positive words and phrases like that sound funny but we just make it into a little game so we don’t feel so silly. You’re a strong woman to be going through this. Fiance and my mother are going through the same thing and I think they’re the strongest people in the world for just being able to get up in the morning and face the day.

I deal with emotions and stuff like that differently to my Fiance but it’s really helped both of us to talk everything over. It is hard seeing your partner go through hell and back and not know if you can help them or what to do. It’s doubly hard when you’re going through tough times too but thats what we’re there for. πŸ™‚ I’m going through a rough patch atm but when I help Fiance I feel better because it brings us closer together and he gets a little better every time.

Sorry if i’m rambling. haha. I just relate. πŸ˜› Good luck with everything Honey. You’ll get there.

Post # 9
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Wow – you’ve got so much going on right now, of course you’re stessed.  Being the breadwinner is hard (I know), planning a wedding is hard, and trying to get paid off in credit cards and everythig is a lot.

I know you say you ahte the gym but I think it might help to de-stress you to find some sort of physical activity to help wear out your body (there’s being tired from stress and being physically tired – physically tired can help you get through the stress – you’ll sleep better, and it’ll help with the panic attacks).  I ahve a tendency towards panic attacks since a period of extreme stress a few years ago when I almost left my SO – we got through it, but I stopped eating (great diet) for months and couldn’t sleep – I kept having trouble breathing and was shaking all over during that time.  I’d started going to the local gym with some friends so I could ‘learn’ to jog – I’ve avoided it my whole life.  I’m never going to be a gazelle, but I’m still trying to learn about once a week and even with the stitch in my side, I’m able to sleep better, I know I did something good for me, and I’m slowly making my body stronger.  If you are like me and running isn’t you, see about swimming (if there’s an indoor pool nearby – like at a college or YMCA?), walking – walk a neighbor’s dog – take up yoga – it’s free to watch and learn from YouTube – there are even app for it for many phones.  πŸ™‚  Or, if you ahve a yard – do more yardwork than usual – I actually like mowing the lawn – it fits a little into my OC nature about keeping things like that neat and you can see it improve as you go.  Biking is also good.  I keep meaning to bike to the snow cone stand (and eat up all the calories I just burned off πŸ˜› ) and then head back to my house – it’s a couple of miles, and it’s outside.

When you’re stressed it’s tempting to try to ‘relax’ by sitting in front of the TV, but you mgiht find yourself listless and unable to actually be tired.  So change things up, and find a way to move around.

I had a friend with anxiety issues that had a breakdown when she got engaged – it was all she’d ever wanted, she and her SO had been together 8 years, and had actually saved themselves for each other since meeting early in college (I know, skeptics will find this hard to believe, but if you knew them you’d understand).  She was close to college graduation, and she started to feel her life-path was clsing in – it was exactly what she’d planned for forever, but when she realized she was giving up on all other choices, that she was now fully and totally committed to her career and her upcoming marriage, she wnet theough a very bad time.  The only thing tht helped her was bright sunny days (this was coming out of winter, and I think she’s sensitive t seasonal changes).  They’ve now been married almost 3 years, and are having their first baby this summer, and she’s the happiest person in the world. 

I share your fears about kids – my family was/is a nightmare, and I don’t plan on ever letting any of them near any children I should have or adopt (I actually plan on getting a restraining order should we plan an actual wedding to keep my father far, far away – he’d love to ruin it, and maybe ‘forgetting’ to invite my insane mother – that’s how bad they are).  I fear being a bad parent with the example I had before me.

You will love your children and be great to them, no matter if they have difficulties or not.  It’s scary to think about how many things need to come together for a healthy baby, but it happens all the time – look how long the human race has been around, even before we understood genetics and germs!  Medicine, as you know, is improving all the time, and what we can do with premies and children with disabilities is amazing.  Also, you can always look into adoption and find a healthy child who needs to get out of the foster system and find a nice stable home.  It’s an option I’m looking into for someday, as I am close to an age where I know I’m not ready to be a mom yet, but my body is going to revolt against me soon and tell me now or never. 

Family who are sick but do nothing to help are aggravating – BF’s parents are old before their time because they smoke too much or eat cake while needing insulin injections for diabetes.  I feel bad, and sometimes wish we lived closer to them so I could at least get one of them walking once a day to help with the insulin’s weight-gain effects… but then I also realize that cake and cigarettes are the few pleasures they allow themselves… and denying them those would make them live longer, but be unhappy about it.  I hate it, SO has anixety about it all the time, but we can’t change them, and we can’t help them every single time… but we do what we can and have to allow for that.

I’m sure you’ve seen it before, but the Serenity prayer is soemthing to consider when trying to take care of a lot of things:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the differnce”

Post # 10
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@vanilla frosting: I know what you’re going through, and panic attacks can make you feel like you’re dying.  But you WILL get through this, and just remember, even when they do hit, it will pass.  It will be over.  Just breathe.  Repeat to yourself that it’s just your mind that is doing this to you, and you are physically fine.  It took me a while to be able to do that, but now I can help talk myself through them.  

It does help to talk it out, especially with a professional, since they’re a neutral party.  I’m so sorry my dear, and it will get better.  ((HUUGSSS))

Post # 11
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@vanilla frosting: I am so sorry you are going through this. As someone who also battles an anxiety disorder, I wouldn’t dare say that I know what you are feeling, but I can totally understand and identify with what you are experiencing.

First, let me offer this for you to contemplate:

Often, anxiety is both a symptom and a result of “type A” personality (if that makes sense). For me, I grew up in a home where everything had to be “just so.” As the only girl, my hair and clothes always had to be perfect, I always had an extra pair of tights as a toddler in case the ones I was wearing got dirty or ran. I was expected to get perfect attendance, straight A’s, be class president, head cheerleader, star in the school musical…. you get the picture.

Those expectations bred the anxiety for me and the anxiety bred compulsive behavior. Despite being popular and well-liked and seemly social, I have always dealt with near-crippling anxiety (see my thread about my surprise bridal shower). The anxiety sometimes causes depression and then I cannot trust or rely on anyone else to do anything, thus I MUST do everything on my own, no matter how overwhelmed or exhausted I may be.

I definitely think you are doing a great thing by seeking therapy and taking medication when needed. The affirmations mentioned by other posters are incredibly helpful in centering yourself and bringing things back to a point where you can calm down and get control of your thoughts and emotions.

However, control is a double-edged sword. The anxiety may cause you to seek to control everything about and around yourself (this is why eating disorders are rarely about weight or appearance and more often about control). What has made a huge difference for me, in all honesty, is my husband. He is the one person who gets to see me at both my best and my worst. He has seen me accomplish things people swore could not be done, but he has also collected the heaving, sobby, crying, shaking mess that-has-at-times-been-me in his arms and held me, comforted and reassured me.

Having that person who knows I am not perfect and doesn’t expect perfection from me has made a huge difference in the 3 months we’ve been married. Having him know my idiosyncracies and insecurities and knowing that he will still come home to me every night, knowing that I have a partner who is supportive and truly in it for the haul haas offered me a peace that seems to really quell the anxiety. Sure, it is still there and likely always will be to some degree, but having him accept the whole me has helped me to accept myself and make peace with who I am, rather than trying to be who others expect of me. I’m still very much “type A,” but I’m able to turn it down a notch or several now.

Kudos to you for realizing the need for some help and getting it. se your support network of Fiance, family and friends and definitely reach out to the Bees when necessary. And of course, feel free to PM me if you need or want to talk.


Wishing you the VERY BEST of luck!


Post # 12
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, that wqas long! Sorry!

Post # 14
253 posts
Helper bee

You definitely are not alone. Fall of 2009 I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and I went to therapy to treat it with behavioral therapy.My therapist was wonderful and she helped me control it with mind tactics instead of meds. She told me she didn’t want to put me on anti-anxiety meds because I would have to be on them my entire life. 

Sometimes it’s a struggle everyday to overcome my anxieties. I’ve gotten a lot better but still freak out. I tend to get panic attacks too but haven’t had one (knock on wood) for almost a year now. Luckily, my SO helps me quell these symptoms. 

My biggest anxiety is getting sick. And not fluish/colds but stomach sick. I used to be afraid to eat out for fear of getting sick. I think I tend to have a little OCD too as I wash my hands a ton and check stuff more often than not. 

I completely agree with PP’s about controlling stuff. I can’t be in situations that I can’t control. I’m very Type A and need to do it myself or else I flip out or get nervous that it’s going to mess up. It’s terrible because I wish I could be more trusting. 

Luckily things have gotten a whole lot better. I hope that things for you will get better and remember you just have to take it one day at a time and just breathe. I’ve had plenty of people tell me I’m overreacting but they fail to realize that you can’t just relax and let this go. It’s a fight everyday.

You are not alone and I hope you can get your anxiety under control and in a place where you feel comfortable. =)

Post # 15
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@vanilla frosting: Hey Vanilla,the panic attact, o, how I hate them! The first time I really thought I was dying I have had them for 10 years, but strated to ‘manage’ them only after 7. I do not think ppl who have never had them know how terrifying they can be, it is like you are sinking deeper and deeper into a pitt of hopelessness, but you know how that feels, so I wont go into details, My best advice, and this is going to sound very simple, but it really does work for me, CALM YOURSELF DOWN, control your breathing and really just calm down. I have not had a attact in 3 years. Will be thinking og u. Good luck, sound like you are marrying a very understanding man, that will also help in future πŸ™‚

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