Anxiety/Mental Health vs Family Vacation. So conflicted, please help!

posted 1 week ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If it’s giving you this much anxiety I would say just don’t go. You already said you don’t like vacations like this.

Post # 3
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

Can you go for a week? Then have the rest of winter break you can have to yourself. 

Post # 4
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

What is it about the trip that you think will bring on anxiety? Is it possible to do anything to mitigate those things? Picking night flight so you can sleep through it or plan a few days over the course of the holiday as relaxing days to chill out. 

It sounds like you could be using your anxiety as an excuse when actually this could be good for you. For example you list not being as close to your sister as a concern, but this trip would be amazing for your relationship and you would have so many new exciting memories to bond over.

I think you should definitely consider going, it sounds like it could be a nice experience for you overall. 

Post # 5
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I’ve turned down completely paid-for trips to both Ireland and Scotland because of my anxiety surrounding spending that much time with my family. In my situation, my family is pretty loud and it was 10 of them including some aunts and cousins and I just couldn’t deal with all that at once for 2 weeks. 

Personally, I know I’ll eventually get to those locations because I really want to. Would you love to travel to Thailand one day with just your husband? If the answer is no, I’d say go now. It will be a memory of your family you can keep, and it may make you and your sister closer again. My brother and sister-in-law loved traveling around Thailand and it is actually pretty affordable once you get there.  If you do go, I’d also suggest you ask if they can do one thing of your choosing. That way you can plan something you want to do and it may make you more excited about going. 

Post # 6
Member
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t spend money you don’t want to spend to go to a place you don’t want to go, especially if it’s making you feel this uneasy. Find other ways to spend time with your parents and sister. It’s okay to need to take care of yourself sometimes. 

Post # 7
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Hi, bee.  First of all, I would tell you to be gentle with yourself.  I suffer from anxiety, as well, and the thought of too much heat, crowds of people and lots of travel makes me very anxious.  Are you on meds to help regulate your anxiety.  Meds have literally saved my sanity, but they are not for everyone, so if you aren’t or don’t want to be, there are certainly other methods of dealing with anxiety.  

It sounds like your sister has her own set of burdens, and your perceived relationship issue will only add to the anxiety whirlwind.  I agree with PP that you should fin other ways to spend time with your family.

As for your family not understanding your mental health issues, it is very difficult for someone who has never experienced true anxiety and depression to really get it.  I am sure they don’t mean to hurt you or disregard your feelings.

Post # 8
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Don’t go just because of FOMO….

(I will add, I love traveling and I’m not a big fan of the heat/humidity.  I’ve been to 20+ countries and Thailand is one of my top 3-4! It’s really beautiful, the food is amazing, the culture is so cool and fascinating, people are polite and don’t hassle you, and it’s inexpensive.)

Post # 9
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Bee, I totally sympathise. I used to feel the same about travel (especially after my own meltdown due to anxiety where I quit a job and stayed home). But, I would say this: At some point, you have to choose to live! And I don’t say that out of ignorance or a place of not taking mental health struggles seriously, but from personal experience.

I went to Bali last year with my then-boyfriend (now fiance!) and some friends, and when we started planning I was sooo anxious about the whole thing. Anxious right up until we left. But my SO (like yours sounds to be too 🙂 ) is INCREDIBLY supportive, and if he is with you every step of the way, like mine was, that should help. I ended up having an amazing time. Yes there was culture shock, and I had a few anxious moments over there. But you know what? My SO was there to be with me and calm me down when needed, and more importantly, we had an amazing time. And now I can look back and be so proud that I pushed myself to do that. It really did so much to help push through my anxiety, because I decided I wasn’t going to let it hold me back from amazing life experiences like this.

Sending you love and courage bee! I say go for it ❤️ xx

 

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

Hi Bee,

I don’t have anxiety, but my best friend does. She went through a similar situation, and really wanted to go on the holiday despite the stress it was causing her. I know she met with her therapist prior to going to develop a coping plan. X amount of group time for day. In advance excuses about solo time in hotel room (I know she said she brought work with her, which wasn’t true, but it stopped everyone pushing her to hang out). Maybe talk with someone before you go about what you can do to manage your anxiety and make sure the trip is enjoyable for you?

Post # 11
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

minnewanka :  Ohhhh great ideas. And maybe…if you end up feeling up to going planning yourself a spa day. 

Post # 12
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

Would you enjoy this trip if it weren’t for your anxiety? As someone who suffers a lot with anxiety and has been medicated for it for years I really strongly believe in not avoiding situations and events due to your anxiety, yes if it is something that you don’t need to do, know you won’t enjoy (not due to anxiety but in general) and is causing you a lot of anxiety, by all means do not do it, but you cannot let your anxiety rule your life and make you miss out on amazing experiences. All that will do is reinforce those thoughts telling you you can’t cope, it will knock your confidence even further and will make you more anxious.

From my own experiences the more I force myself to do things that make me anxious the less anxious I become about them, and 9 times out of 10 I’m really glad I made myself do it. 

Post # 13
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

vertabella :  Will your husband be going with you? I feel like having him there would make it easier for you to sit out of some activities if you’re feeling overwhelmed. If not, plan with your family in advance so you get enough down time and don’t have a vacation where it’s go go go the whole time. Really let them know you’ll need some time there to relax.

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